Poured out like a drink offering

2009-03-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

I learned somehting about myself this year.

I try to hard to make people do things that they don't want to do. I call it caring, but i am not sure that is the right way to care any more. Now that I see what i am doing, I am able to stop it, see it while it is going on, even before it happens, but the desire is still there. The desire is there, I tell myself, comes from being passionate about the abundant life, in all areas of life. But am i just a control freak, telling others how to live their life? I dunno.

Anyways, it is too much now, so I have stopped. if there are leaderhsip standards that must be met by those who want to lead with me, I will humbly state them, live them, give grace, and act when the leadership standard needs to be enforced lovingly. but I wont tell people how to live. If there is a person whom i saw with potential in them, and invested accordingly, but then realized they were not making choices to allow for potential, then I will tell them, honestly, lovingly, and then no more. Not cut them loose, but not tell them how to live either.

i am so tired tonight, so scared of how i ahve not done well. Scared what I do wont count for much in the end, in the eternal. I know God is faithful, and I know he is loving and accepts me, I just am struggling with my methods and motives, after seeing some of the outcome.

Hmmm,

2009-02-27T05:56:00.000-08:00

It's not fair.

When a soldier goes off to war, he is out there giving himself fully to the cause of greater freedom. Not his own, because that freedom he could maintain with the weapons in his hands and his knowledge of quiet places he could go and take care of himself. No, it's not his own well being he fights for, because being on the front lines is actually the worst place for someone concerned for their own well being. No, it is clearly for the greater good, other's freedom, following orders, whatever you want to call it.

Then something happens. When he returns, he suffers from something very complicated and devastating. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It changes how he lives, changes how he thinks, changes who he is a person. It is the price he has paid for fighting for your freedom, but now you don't have to pay the price for his sickness. His stress problems. His anger. His lack of sleep. No, you got what you needed, you have been served, and when he has outlived his usefulness on the front lines, you would just as soon send another out there, and let this one take care of himself.

And what of the bad choices he makes. He, like any human with free will, is responsible for his own choices, before God and country, but it is not only insensitive but unintelligent to suggest that those choices are not in part a result of his time serving you, and the cost on ones life while doing that, even if they still have all of their limbs. The choices you make with that freedom earned by him are free, paid for. but the choices he makes, he must pay for. maybe criminally responsible for, maybe lose friends, family, or just peace of mind and the ability to live the way he did before fighting for you. But he must pay for it. It's his choice, right?

For all those not out there fighting, or supporting those who are or have already given all, what do you think your role in all of this is? Spectators? Recipients of something you don't appreciate and really value, unless you lose it? Consumers with demands to be met? (that doesn't make sense because even reasonable consumers must pay for what they want) What are you?

I think for the most part there are two categories. Those who fight for this cause, and those who don't have to think about it. Those who value it enough to give their lives to, and those who are too busy doing the things that those fighters would love to do when they get home, but probably won't have the peace of mind to be able to enjoy any more. At least not without help.

Don't feel bad. What could you do to help, right? No worries, cheers, w/e.

To those fighting, find other fighters who can help you live well even after you have given that life to something other than yourself. You have been promised that the sacrifice would be worth it, and it must be true, even if the recipients never appreciate the gift, or more importantly, the cost of that gift. And be careful out there, and back home too. neither place is safe. The acts of discipline and training you needed out in the field are just as needed back home. ! Cor. 9:27.

Happy Remembrance Day!

Pastor Pepsi, Poured Out Like A Drink Offering.

2009-01-14T05:46:00.000-08:00

I am done saying 'no'. As I stare at another e-mail from Jake's would be soccer coach, but we don't have time to take him, have not had time to take him, I think to myself, I am sorry Jake, but next year I won't say no to soccer. As I try to get a student of a significant leader to a meeting they knew about 2 months in advance, on a team they requested to be on in leadership, and they say they cannot, because of a sports team commitment, I am done saying 'no' to my son's sports or other opportunities.

As I think about how much I value small group, and have for 8 years here at EBC, to the point where our small groups ahve multiplied many times, and are now to the point of sending out so many small group leaders that we now have one that is people not ready, able, willing or likely to lead, cause the leaders ahve all been sent, I am done saying no to thursday nights with my kids. That small group is something I value, but as I stare at this soccer email that Jake doesn't even know exists, I think about other leaders, co-labourers, whos kids are not only in these kinds of things, but they are able to coach these things for their kids.
I will continue a small group, on Sunday Nights, if and only if, at our team meetings this year we agree as co-laboourers, that this is a value for all, not for some, who sacrifice their other options while others take those options.

I think about the community association, and the drop in night. Other than help, thigns are going great, great bridge building, great attendance, etc. (the sr high one, not so much, they do not deserve or value it). The community association will ahve me in another way next year though. A soccer coach, or something like it, on jake's team. I have given tis thing 5 years, and it has been worth it, but I can't be committed to 4 nights a week every week before any other meetings are even discussed. It is not fair to Jake. I am done saying no to him like that, escially as I fight to get other kids to commit to the types of things that we are supposed to value, and Jake will be forced to value, because dad doesn't ahve time for any other things.

I now am but an hour away from facing a meeting where I will be (possibly rightly so) judged and evaluated, and likely sanctioned for my inability to get paperwork stuff in as I am responsible for. One would think this should not be to hard to do successfully. I I have thought about that alot, and if every time I am in this building, I am getting ready for the next thing, the next event, because they are at a minimum, 4 times a week, then yes, yes, it is difficult, to simply deal with the paper. Why, because as you come in the door, and should just deal with it right awya, that is tough, because you are literally running to the next thing.

sorry, blog, for saying no to you so much. That may not change, but I wanted to say to you today, I am done saying no to Jake. He will not understand, or think it's fair, when he hears what the otehr kids get to do, and that's at the staff christmas party, not at school.

If, somehow you are a reader of this, lol, and ant to reply, reply on here or to me directly, don't think you are helping by asking around about me, etc.

Good morning, happy wednesday.

2008-06-09T22:27:00.000-07:00

Starting to unwind...

I am thankful for this chance to have a Sabbatical. I have actually been looking around overwelmed and amazed at what God does/may/will have for me as I slow down and focus on Him, but tonight I have decided to stop being overwelmed and just start.

Should I start with 'hello', or 'how are you', or 'how can I serve you?' Should I start in His Word, or on my knees, in songs of praise or in silence and awe?

I don't write this to demonstrate my inability to just start being with God. This page, now little read, I am sure, has always been a place of honesty, and that desire for me to grow deeper, sit with him, has been hindered by an overwelmed feeling of what it is like to think about Him, and what He has done in my life, and what He has given to me and doing in me.

Not sure how, but it is time to start, what ever that means. Pray for me. I am likely praying for you, (though I may not know more than the 2 I suspect still read this thing).

God has given me access to a great gift, and my fear of wasting it has stopped me from taking full advantage of it. Not any more.

Good night.

2008-05-27T12:46:00.000-07:00

I remember once getting into a car accident in the midst of massive busyness and prep for a Mexico Missions Trip. It was minus 45 degrees, an the roads were solid Ice, and on 105th street, I tried to brake as the person in front of me tried to turn without signalling, and I slid, slow speed into their back end. It was not a big collision, but the temperature made the fibre glass brittle enough that both of our cars exploded with pieces in the air from our bumpers.

my first thought was...I just don't care, I don't have time to care, think about, or process what just happened. I did not think 'thanks for letting me live' or 'how am I going to sort this out'. It was just a very simple 'I don't care cause I don't have time to care'.

It is that memory that I think about when reflecting on this past YC weekend. There were some great challenges given to me, both by speakers, workshops, and actually the most profound thoughts occurred as God showed me something through my alter-ego, the one this blog is named after.

There are some things to process think about, and adjust my life to. But I don't know what yet, because I did not have time to process those things during the weekend. I was called by God to lead and facilitate a weekend that allowed for life change in the students. this does not negate my responsibility for life change when God spoke to me out there, but true change can take time, process, prayer, and it seemed like trying to do that in Edmonton would not allow me to order supper for trip home, call bus driver to let him know details of where we were really at in schedule, chase someone who repeatedly tried to separate from the group, take someone to the hospital with a third Asma attack, and find someone who thought my rule of main sessions and concerts together was more of a suggestion.

I loved the weekend, I love those youth and the sponsors who teamed up with me. I especially love the God who called us out there, and then worked on us once we made it there. i am just reflecting on the reality that the questions and thoughts that God gave me, or in some cases, maybe just speakers gave me, are still raw, unprocessed, and unresponded to. is that a bad thing? Do I have my priorities wrong? or is it just a reality of the timing, and I just need to have the discipline to come back to those thoughts and walk through them.

That time to process is coming, and this year will be in a large helping, thanks be to God. I love what God has called me to.

Continue reading as I process those thoughts on this site.

Mike

2008-03-12T12:13:00.000-07:00

To speak, or not to speak? That is the question.

Some book I read once stated that we are called to speak the truth in love to each other. Yet, really, we operate in a world where it is more acceptable to just mind your own business. It is actually easier to live that way too. What am I to do when even the people I might speak to would rather I don't.

This is not a spur of the moment blog or moaning about life right now necessarily. This is somehting I have been wrestling witha dn thinking about for 2 years, and i want to figure out what it means to be a godly man in this way now. REgarding the small groups, and ministries I lead, I have to beleive that God can change lives there, or wahts the point of doing them? What's the point of christian commumity if 'mind your own business' or 'it is easier to not talk about it' is the M.O. (did I use that law adn order term right?)

I agree that aperson should not go opoen season on every hurtful topic in public, under the cover of christian acocuntablity, but the status quo of lets just leave it no longer fits with me any more. I believe that we use sensitivity and tolerance as a clever disguise for 'I don't know what to say, I fear the cost if i do say something, or I care, but don't have time to face this with you right now'. I am guilty of all of those, adn I have sense things get worse or blow up completely because no caring person around saws what needs to be said.

I am guessing that if we reflect, there is more times I regret not saying something than saying something. Let me ask you, if anyone reads this, lol, do you ahv emore regrets about saying something or not saying something. has it been a bigger crime to open your big mouth (i mean that in the nicest posible way) or mind your own business (also in the nicest posible way). I would love your thoughts, experiences, and input into the balance and results here on this topic.

Thanks for reading, double thanks for a reply, and triple thanks to the youngest person I would call 'close to me' who recognized the toll that some if this is taking on me and asked if I wanted a bit of a break from other responsibilities. Your friendship and maturity astound me, and bless me.
Have a good day y'all!

2008-02-05T07:07:00.000-08:00

Naturally?

I don't think I am overly hard on myself about my abilities or anything, but I have made one observation, i think.

Nothing comes naturally to me. I thought about this at dance last night. We are working on stuff for a performance dance team, and I thought I was a pretty good dancer, and still think I am, but I have to work so hard at it to get it, where as others just get it. Same with water skiing or a musical instrument. I am a good skier, on tricks, but every trick comes with a high price of hours of work and hard falls. my coach has stated that once I get a trick, it is perfect for good, but it takes so much to get it. Same with the Sax, or guitar. On the sax, I played 3 hours a day for 6 months to get into the U of S College of Music. I got i, but it was tough. On guitar, I have stayed at the same level for years, because I dont have time o play every day. And knowing that it doesn't come naturally, i know i will not improve in my ability unless I quit my day job (not going to happen).

Even keeping this blog going does not come naturally to me.

What about you? What do you think. What comes easily to you?

2007-12-03T05:45:00.000-08:00

Once again, I sya it. People need to consider the public nature of facebook!

2007-11-30T06:32:00.000-08:00

2007-11-06T12:49:00.000-08:00

Facebook?

How is it that people don't realize just how public facebook is?

I know you can create private groups tha tneed permission to becomea part of or evne see, but it is obvious tha tif you don't take those percautions, anyone can see this stuff.

I bring this up as yesterday, many names of students were read publicly by John gormly, all members of 'the new sask sign kicking party' dedicated to many students (youth) who destroy political signs for fun. These people put pictures of their acts on teh site, their first and last names are their, and their descriptions of their crimes.

since that story rolled out, there are many weighing in on this issue, most saying the teens are spoiled east side kids with nothing to do, etc. One fellow (or maybe former, not sure) youth worker posted a few comments on this site, telling people there are bigger issues in the world, and not worry about this one.

I agree with the sentiment, but am I a hypocrite for being wise in what movements I publicly get behind or support. I agree there are bigger issues out there, but also think that these kids do need to face what ever is coming because of what they did.

some of the comments on this site got a little personal, or at least emotionally charged, and maybe I am weak, but I am not sure this is the issue to get behind either way.

Other things on facebook are also not as private as people think. It is the internet, come on. lol. If you join a group, all of your friends see it. If you make a comment, any one can read it.

We should live a life means it doesn't matter if it is out in the open or public, it is pure and God honouring no matter how many people see it and try to pick it apart. That being said, I still think one should be causious, especially when in leadership of what to get behind and what kind of comments to put out there. They can't be errased as easily as an appology, once you click 'add comment'.

That being said, I judge no one related to this story, and hope for no negative repricusions of my clicking 'publish post'.

2007-09-26T07:51:00.000-07:00

A good problem, but a problem, non the less.

so, I am very excited about the record numbers consistently coming out to both youth groups, but there is adjustments needed. You see, many of the kids have never been to a youth group, or a Bible Study/small group. They don't know how to act, how to behave, what to do.

I want to make the right decision, God's decision, on not watering down the message, but not losing kids who have never been here before either.

It is a tough thing to wrestle with, but maybe I should pray about it. I love that kids are connected, I am scared of finding the right balance for all of the exremes.

2007-09-11T15:21:00.001-07:00

So, though I doubt I ahve more than one reader (thanks erin) i will post again.

I have started supervising again at Silverspring school, which is a great way to get to know the gr 6-8 kids in the community. Though in my 2 times back this year, they ahv eplaced me with the kindergarten's both times because of need.

Now I am doing this to serve, so wherever they need me is fine, but there is ministry strategy as well, in that it is not likely that I will invite the kindergartens out to yuth group any time soon..

Though it is more peaceful in the kinder room at lunch, where htey still listen to you in there (after gr 5 that is gone). it is testing my servanthood. I think to myself..i could ahve been meeting a student leader for lunch, instead of wiping the noses of kisd who I am not generally gifted to lead. So, am I doing it for strategy or service? I am not sure. They tell me I won't be in that room all the time. We will see.

Mike

2007-06-20T14:57:00.000-07:00

I know i have not posted in awhile and for that I am sorry.

In other news, I am now on facebook, come find me!

The grad banquet is over, and was, I think, a success. This officially starts what I would call my 'slow' or planning season. Slow, not in the ammount i work, but that I can slow down and focus on future plans a bit, not having an event every second night to run. I am very excited to invest in people, and plan ahead. I value knowing wher eGod wants this ministry to go and how to ge there.

Anyways, happy it is summer.

Mike

2007-06-01T08:42:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been really thankful that a note you left (that could have been left ina mean or angry spirit) you decided to leave as polite and gracious? I had one of those yesterday.

I see one of the best physio therapists in western canada, and one of the reasons he is good is because he does not punch the 20 min. clock and kick you out after that. His appointments are booked like that, but he cares more than that so every day he is way behind. My average before the missions trip was 45-1 hour wait after my appointed time. Upsides and downsides to his style. They tried booking me earlier in the day yesterday to fix that issue for me, very kind of them. I show up at his secondary office down town, half an hour early, and wait until 45 mintues past agreed time. No one, though a light was on deep in his office, and I assumed he was treating someone else.

after that, I left a polite note appologizing that i could not wait any longer, and I left. I called his main office to confirm I had the right time, and they said yes, and he was looking for me. I guess he has a third office he works out of as well now. I am sure they gave me the info to show up at the right place, but my mind was just thinking...'if not at venture cres, then at wall street. I was wrong, and glad I did not express all of my feelings in that note that I would probably not get a chance to retreive since I was across the city again before hearing of my mistake.

Hmmm, good one Mike.

Ever leave a note that you wished oyu could change or glad it was the way you expressed?

2007-05-23T22:34:00.000-07:00

In mexico, having great time. team is amazing, and God is even more so.

God is doing things bigger than we could ahve ever planned. not into comparing trips, but anyone who worried this would be same as other trips need not worry. amazing things happening.

Mike

2007-05-13T21:09:00.000-07:00

So, It's 10 p.m., at the church working late...and there is a car parked out front, for sure witha couple making out, lol. Normally they park around back, but they are under the light in middle of front of lot.

I won't watch them, lol, but when am here late always check to see a vehicle when it come sin cause the bus has been damaged in the past, and vandelism on church.

anyways, that is hte thought, a good way for the church property to wrap up the night after 2 baby dedications i guess.

happy mother's day, wonder if their mother's know where they are? who can question going to the church on a sunday.

Mike

2007-04-30T09:38:00.000-07:00

Something to ponder...?

First of all, like the responses on previous posts, makes me want to post more.

Secondly, here is a thought...what makes a Christian Fiction book Christian. What makes it sellable in a Christian Bookstore, Rather than a Stephen King book.
This would never be a thought in my head except for this 'no TV rule' on teh missions team. I have resorted to reading. AHHHHHHHHH. Have not gotten into a fiction book in at least 8 years. And i ddi not miss them, lol.

Now I stareted reading Skin, by Ted Decker, A Christian Author. It is very good. I am about to finish it in record time. It is captivating. But it is just as gorey as some secular suspense books, that would probably be judged if they were sitting on my desk at church. Things like a guy getting his finger cut off, and having to chew on it, etc. If this were made into a movie, it would be one that would be disturbing to watch. One that would fall under the list of 'A Christian should not put this into their mind', or is that a true statement? I have seen my share of bad horrow movies, adn one in the past few years. I was channel surfing (first mistake0 and ran across one that looked so messed up, as far as the situation the peopel were in, that I wanted to see if there was any way for it to resolve. Most north american movies do, and I did not believe it possible with this one. I watched, and now pray for images to leave my mind.

So, what makes a Christian Thriller christian? Metaphorical references to biblical stuff? No explicit sexuality? An ending that glorifies God? (I don't know the endign to this book so i do not know that yet.)

Please, offer your thoughts. I am not being judgemental about these books. I just really thought about thsi after reading until midnight a couple nights ago, and having similar feelings in teh house, by myself, that the disturbing movies would give. Can i handle it, sure, i slept fine. It jsut left me wondering.

Stupid no TV rule, this reading thing never should have happened, lol

Mike

2007-04-27T15:37:00.000-07:00

Community Living

I am not talking about small groups or church stuf fhere, but the organization that collects slothes, etc, for less fotunate in town. They were coming for a pick up today, so we saw it as a great opportunity to pruge the closets, etc. Mine needed more purging than amanda's.

Going through, I have a lot of shirts,and I know that, but most of them were under $7, so I am not sure if I feel bad for havin g alot of shirts or what? I sent away a few of the stripe button ups that i love to wear but sleaves are too short after a horible run in with the dryer. I also sent many pairs of shorts that are a32 waiste, which is just not me any more. Also, many t-shirts made it in, sicne I have alot from camps, etc, but most of those were for free. I could not let go of dallas valley shirts (I love that camp) and former mexico team shirts (is that bad)

That is what made it in there, but interesting to note what did not make it in. A montreal canadien's jersey that no longer fits. I was going to put that in, but Amanda , a toronto fan who hates montreal, encouraged me to keep it,, like an heil-loom. I was surprised, but I kept it.

Regardless of my decisions or reflections upon them, the bags are gone now, and I can give more next time, but I can't get back what I gave.

What type of stuff do you need to purge? What is the one thing you ahve that could or should go, but will never?

2007-04-20T08:15:00.000-07:00

I am rejoicing today.

Around boxing day, I purchased for better than half price, a 'massage mat' from Dr. Sholls, with 10 motors in it and heat. I thought I lent it out, and could not track it down, but yesterday, while looking for somehting else, i found it! I am so excited, my back has hurt so much, and it is not the perfect machine, nor a therapist, but helps alot.

I also am able to lend this out to friend who's back is hurting.

Anyways, may not seem like a big deal, but I am very excited, cause when you hurt all the time, it gets hard to focus, and those moments of relief mean so much. ( I sound old, but I am sure my pregnant readers understand too, lol)

Mike

2007-04-04T14:57:00.000-07:00

Very excited for Easter.

Not for the typical reasons, maybe, or religious, though it is precious to me in that way too. I am excited cause I am taking a week of holidays, takimg my family to Calgary, taking my son to Butterfield Acres for a good ol' fashion egg hunt. Taking my time the follwoing week to work on my class from BBC, taking Jake to the cabin on the Thursday if it warms up. I am tired, and though i feel myself becoming more effective in some ways as a leader, I am still tired. It is time, so Happy Easter.

2007-03-06T18:50:00.000-08:00

The final word on 'outa shape' post which garnered lots of comments. I probably will only make brief mention of the physical realities that we will face down there, and how I ahve reflected on my own preparedness for that. Other than that, it is probably well meaning but insensative to say anything more.

As for comments, thanks. I appreciate thoughts on this kind of stuff. In fact it is more like what I would want to see in my blog. Hope you are alright with the issues brought forth, cause it will likely happen again, otherwise I would not bother having a blog.

I leave you with a quote from an e-mail I just recieved literally hours ago from Saddle Back Church, which can probalby get even more comments or thoughts...

Dear Saddleback Family;

GET IN SHAPE PHYSICALLY AND SPIRITUALLY AT THE SAME TIME: "WALK & WORSHIP!"

Mondays - Wednesdays - Fridays at 6 p.m.

Meet at the Worship Center patio, Saddleback Church

Tuesdays - Thursdays - Saturdays at 6 a.m.

Meet at Rancho Santa Margarita Lake Amphitheater

As a result of the weekend services, thousands of people committed to taking a first step toward improving their physical and spiritual health in 2007. We are still processing the cards, but Saddleback is on its way to becoming the healthiest church in America!

Join us because we're better together! Above are 6 opportunities each week for you to fellowship, increase your energy, and strengthen your health at the same time. Bring an unchurched friend with you! What a great opportunity!

We'll have walking routines for all levels (easy, medium, and advanced) and we'll end with music and a prayer. DO SOMETHING GOOD FOR YOUR HEART! JOIN US FOR "WALK AND WORSHIP!" TONIGHT!

Pastor Rick

2007-03-02T08:22:00.000-08:00

Outa Shape....

Yesterday I helped some friends in painting their new place, and by the end of the day, I was very tired and sore. I am not writing to complain,b ecause I enjoyed helping, but to bring up a thought.

When I went right from painting to a Mexico training meeting, I thought to myself, down there we will b edoing many kinds of work, including physical labour to help out. Should I teach, based ont eh painting lesson I learned, that there is a component of service and our worship through service that may apply to our worhsip through service that may mean we do a little to be mroe in shape, ready for the trip? It is probably a non issue for most of the team, who ar eyounger than me or don't ahve a desk job, so i am not sure if I should bring it up or just adjust my own life accordingly and be quiet.

I just thought to myself, in my current state, sinc esurgery (no longer a valid excuse) I will nto be able to go as hard out there as I did 2 years ago. Is it a part of my prep and worship through service to be physically ready to serve more out there? Should I alos teach a bit on this, and how?

Would love your thoughts.

Mike

2007-02-28T06:57:00.000-08:00

More musical bliss this past weekend. One of my top 2 Saxaphone players in the world, Candy Dulfer, was live in concert on 'Cool TV'. A channel that we get on a promo with Max, but will not keep, and I havebeen taping many of my favourite artists on there when I can.

She is a great musician, and I know I will never see her live, since she rarely plays outside of Europe. If you are looking for (not likely) a great sounding jazz sax witha dance beat behind her, check her out.

Mike

2007-02-23T08:17:00.000-08:00

For those who may not see the significance of me and the guy standing next to me, here is a visual help.

Have a nice day...see post below if you don't know why this is up.

2007-02-23T07:05:00.000-08:00

Wow, what a day.

I will blog about some other important parts of the day, but will start with this end of it...

I went to Long and Mcquade music to buy a pick guard for Colin to sign later that night, and they gave me a used one for free, the colour I wanted and just enough wear to make it look cool. (I was frustrated when they did not have the colour I needed (white) for $60 new, but then the repair guy gave me one for free.

The concert was amazing, he was so good live. the crowd sucked, they did not sing along when he encouraged, and they could have got more songs outa him but stood up and left after first encore (normal for concerts, but I have seen him do 3 encore sets if the crowd is into it.) His horn section, and especially Steve Hillman on sax was amazing.

After the show came the push for a photo and signature. I went to the stage where they made it clear (the stage hands) that he would not be coming out, and they didn't like me either, lol. They gave me a couple picks, cool. Went back out with my firends and then Steve Hillman came out. He was really friendly, signed a poster for me, got a photo, talked for a bit. Steve said Colin would not be coming out cause they had to be in Calgary by morning. I gave up, and was alright with that.

Then, a friend, whom I asked just recently to come to concert, encouraged me to go out back by the bus, and wait, if it was worth it to me. I had never even thought of the stalker strategy, but it worked, after waiting an hour with 2 other guys whom I would not normally wait with in dark places behind buildings, Colin came out, sign my pick guard, got a photo, shook my hand, and he was off. Thanks Lyn for the encouragement/idea. The photo looks great, and I am happy. I have tried to get a photo with him since 1998, so this is a big deal, and now it will be printed and hung in my guitar room.

He did one song that I was hoping he would not, cause of the words, but he did. The song is great musically, and really catchy, but I wish he had not wrote it. I dunno.

I heard the openning act was amazing, I had to miss it for priorities (Missions) but fromt eh reviews from friends, I missed a great part of the evening. It was really fun to be there with friends and especially with Amanda to be with me for the first time at his show. (she looked great in new shirt). this is getting long, but I wanted to share the photo..

Have a nice day.

Mike

2007-02-21T12:54:00.000-08:00

Well, only one more sleep until the most exciting concert event in Saskatoon in 8 years. Many of you will be joining me on my venture there. I am glad that at least one person whom is comin will really like the opening act, I knew she would even though I don't like it.

I am going to try a link here to you tube from colin's first half of this tour... so here it goes 'colin james and LBB3

This is by far not the best song from his little big band stuff, but shows how great his lvie solos are.

I am so excited, in case you can't tell. I really hope I get to meet him.(I have already once, but now I am getting him to sign a pick guard from a Strat guitar (can't afford another guitar right now but if he signs this adn I put it on a guitar later on, it will look like he signed the guitar.)

Anyways, talk later, sorry if you are sick of hearing about colin and my adoration for his playing.

Mike

p.s. try the link. It is my first ever, i am so proud.

2007-02-13T07:30:00.000-08:00

A night to remember, or a night to forget?

So, when you don't have school age children, sometimes your family does not shift their schedule for school break. Here is a tale you might enjoy...

Monday night, no matter how busy I am during the week and weekend, Monday night belongs to the family. We have been very intentional about that. First, Jake's swim lesson at 5:55. Take him there, and it is an unparented class so we just pack stuff for him. Change him, get to pool area, and no instructors, just a public swim, cause of school break. Well, he has seen teh water and has to go swimming, but he is 3. "Sure, go in by yourself, we will be back in an hour". Hmm. So Mr. problem solver dad has a great idea, and it worked.

I go to the lost and found, and find a pair of mens swim trunks that might fit. Of course, I don't put them on unprotected, for obvious reasons, so I keep my own undershorts on. This is all to take my kid swimming who' would have been fine had he not seen the pool.

Then we go and drop him off at amanda's parents, as per usual, so we cna go out for coffee and then dancing. I tell amanda, after swimming for close to an hour, I need more than a donut if am gonna dance. She says 'sure, but I can't eat before dancing or I won't feel well.' So we go to Kelseys and I order wings, and she watches me eat. Then she brings up the fact that I am probably not still wearing the shorts I wore under the borrowed swim suit, and says I should not dance like that. We go to superstore, and buy some more 'clothing' in prep for dancing. (wings = $10, underwear = $12) We go to dancing, and the doors are locked and lights off, cause it is a university club. University break. Ha, ha ha!

Then amanda says 'well, if we are not dancing, I am hungry, I want nachos' I say 'I am full, and I don't want to watch you eat.' (bad answer after she jsut watched you eat.) I suggest returning what we just bought but I ahve not openned yet from superstore, adn use the money to buy nacho stuff, and I agree to make it for her.

We go get jake, go home, she eats nachos (I had some to, and seasame snaps, and a peanut butter filled bun, but I am not hungry). We would have done much better just not leaving the house last night. Ever feel like that?

I got a chance to talk with another front end person at teh pool about our family change room problems, and thye siad they have told the old ladies, and the old ladies just continue to do teh same. They promised the manager would call me today, so we will see.

Hope your day goes better than my night.

2007-02-11T07:22:00.000-08:00

A Great Show.

This is in no way reference to my last post, cause my threat has not come to pass yet. By the wya, thanks for the response, that is great to have feedback, it gives more purpose to this thing called blogging.

The great show was last night at the BNL concert. (if you don't know what BNL stands for, refer back to my last post). Their live sound is amanzing, and their interaction, story telling, and local content is great.

'So the bus pulled right into the venue today, and i thought I would just walk down town. boy this place (sask place) is handy. So how about a walk to Costco instead.....Overnight at Costco, can we just make that a regular thing?'

Most times I am at a live show, about half way through i start checking my watch cause they sound not as good as on CD (understandable) but are no more creative live than on CD. Most of my live concerts in the past 8 years have been worship related or Colin James. (because of the reason described earlier). colin's live show is amazing, and always different. the worship stuff at YC, and Breakforth engages you because of teh focus that goes beyond music and entertainment. BNL took me right to the end without looking for the time, and I had no clue it was almost 11.

I was very happy to take my wife, and we had a nice supper before hand, happy valentines day. Last year an alright meal at a nice place cost twice as much as on any other day, and this year I had a coupon the Octane, so paid half of what would be regular price. We had a great time. She is great, and fun to be with.

They did something i had never heard of, entitled Bakrenaked on a stick. (sounds like a night game like persecuted church with a twist to make it go with our current study theme in Sr. High) It is the live concert you just heard, available on a USB drive immediately after the concert. Same price as a CD, adn they do it for the speed of prep and reusability. If you wnat to borrow BNL on a stick, and my wife approves, talk to me. It is not some random live show, but the one from last night. The mixing is better than I expected for live and distributed same night.

Anyways, this is getting long, so good bye.

2007-02-09T06:17:00.000-08:00

One Dozen Old Ladies in My Change Room.

a) this is not just a catchy title to draw attention
b) this is not the title of some wierd dream I had

What this is is the reality my FAMILY adn I found when I took them swimming on Thurs, in prep for a string of long nights at the office for me. We went into the FAMILY change room designed for FAMILIES that have both genders, so tehy can change together, especially when those FAMILIES have very young children. In that change room there are 3 large stalls where a FAMILY can change to gether, helping the toddler. There are limitted stalls cause the use of these is limited to FAMILIES.

Apparantly am aqua size class had just ended, and the old ladies prefer the FA....okay, I will stop the all caps...family change room because they are modest and like the individual stalls. Because of that, it would have been a half hour wait for us a s a family to use one of these stalls designed for our situation. we proceeded to pull ou tAmanda's swimming costume, etc from the one bag we had packed, gave her separate locker money, and went separate ways. end of the world, no, but don't call it a family change room. I approached botha life guard and the front desk person. No one wants to go give instructions or correction to an older lady though, how nice of them.

If I bring 12 high school boys who are all modest into the family change, I give it 30 seconds before the SWAT team is cleaning house, or at least a life guard witha whistle. I left a note for the civic center manager to call me since no one else would be a voice of the rule implied by the sign that says family change only.

I told my wife that next week we return at the same time to see if anyone has taken leadership. I was polite in my note to the manager, but next week if I find the same, jake and I will go in with amanda into family change, and if the stalls are full because of the older ladies, Jake and I will have little (notice I don't say no) choice but to just start suiting up (which invloves suiting down first) right there in the common area of family change.

I am sorry if you or anyone else is particularly modest, but does that not sound like the type of person who should pay for a private health club membership, not a public civic center? Just a thought, and I know I am right in that. A friend of mine used to pin his towle in the corner of the lockers, using the keys of unused lockers, and create a nice modest bellybutton high stall for himself.

Once again, sorry if I have abad attitude, just that kind of week for me I guess.

Would love your feedback so i know I have readers.

Mike

2007-02-08T19:09:00.000-08:00

So the Mexico 2007 team is now announced. The ministry we are doing is changing. There is more awareness of spiritual things, and God is speaking clearly on some things. It is exciting, yet exhausting. I am not complaining, but it is hard for me to adjust to this and catch up on other stuff tat is still important.

Last night it was actually hard for me to commit to coming to the church prayer night, cause I know the other stuff is still expected of me even when i come to that. (bad attitude I know). I came and was ready to give myself to that, when people in another group could not get their movie working for grief share. So, while the people I was gonna pray with were preparing and dispersing, I was expoected to trouble shoot for a group I have been saying for months should have a staff representative who can fix things or set them up. I know my attitude was wrong, but I just wanted to pray(it was hard to get even to that point for me). i guess God wanted me to serve instead. I am sorry for my poor attitude, adn glad my sponsors have better attitudes than that. I just came out of the mexico interviews so beat, and things are just coming ahrder for me.

Anyways, ther eis my blog for today.

Mike

2007-01-31T13:53:00.000-08:00

Wow, who is to know when injuries will happen.

After a weekend with games like murder ball, full body contact duck duck goose, tubing down a hill with trees along the trail, and a night game through the bush in the dark, we have no injuries, praise God.

The next day, we are at Pastor's retreat, very low key, witha simple indoor game of giant dutch blitz. muhc less dangerous than how we play it using full gym, and blockers.. They were jsut sliding cards in when they came, a lady slipped on a card, ttwisted her ankle, and was getting a pin surgically installed to repair a break the next mornign.

I don't get it? Maybe it is not to be gotten.

Mike

2007-01-31T13:51:00.001-08:00

2007-01-31T13:51:00.000-08:00

2007-01-11T13:16:00.000-08:00

Well, I am thankful.

Thankful not to get stuck even once, though I drove attridge to help a good friend at 5 p.m.
Thankful not to get stranded, though it can mean safety for the night, it never means comfort, or a good sleep.
Thankful not to be invovled in any of the many car accidents both yesterday and today.
(Why today? Have people not realized they need to compensate for the new road reality given to us?)
Thankful most of all to have my family safely in my house last night.
Thankful that my father-in-law has a snow blower I can use, and a step dad who has a truck to deliver it.
Thankful that I live so close to work.
Thankful that my wife made hot chocolate and chicken soup when i came in after 2 hours of snow blowing.
(which, by the way, was still physically tiring, though just not back breaking)
Thankful that crisis allowed for me to show a friend that I am am not of the 'fair weather' varitey of friends.
Thankful that my decision to travel attridge from preston crossing to central, on the wrong side of the road, was a goood decision.
Thankful all reports from my other friends all ended in 'safely home'.

Well, this is getting long, so I will stop, but I am very thankful for all of those things, oh yes, and teh DVD recorder to record the news of this historic day that we had.

Have a good day, if not great, and plese be safe.

Be

2007-01-10T10:09:00.000-08:00

What is it about childhood memories at this stage in my life?

I can barely describe to you how powerful some childhood memories have been ove rthe last few months. We are not talking about life altering moments in my childhood, but getting to expereience some of the fun stuff that characterized my time. We always have fun reliving some of this stuff, but recently it has become more than that to me.

some of those things include, but are not limited to a) the re-release of transformers generation 1, which i am very excited about, though it won't change my life, ministry, or family, and b) last night i recorded and watched later on the Biography on the 'Wonder Years'. That show was the one I watched every day after school as a younger boy. I expereienced with Kevin Arnold some of the things he was going through. I gained wisdom from the voice over and it's insights, and sometimes thought in terms of that reflective voice over when looking back on some of my experiences, days. (sorry, dont think I am crazy, lol. Either know for sure that I am or leave it alone.)

So that almost brought me to tears watching key moments in the series relived in the 'Biography.' I have been recording episodes since Christmas on TV Tropolis, but they are now stopping that run too. That doesn't crush me, I will watch what I have when i have time, (maybe summer, or late at night) but for now I wonder why this stuff is grabbing me so? Open to your thoughts.

Mike

2007-01-02T13:06:00.000-08:00

A day of firsts on the first day of the year.

Yesterday my son and I created our first indoor 'fort' in the basement. Of course he has a play tent, but nothing compares to a blanket strewn over chairs and boxes and other various pieces of furniture, with toys and pillows inside, and a giant stuffed dog guarding the entry way.

Also, yesterday wa shis first live hockey game. He has watched hockey with me on TV, and nearly came unglued when the real players came out on the ice and played. Of course his attention span lasted about teh first 10 mintues of the game. That makes it nice that we were watching form the credit union sky box and he had plenty of room to move and run and watch treehouse tv.

Opposite of firsts is lasts, and the last of my grandma's amazing cinnimon buns is on the counter at our place. Jake enjoys them, but I am wrestling to decide if he is discerning enough to have the last one, or if he would be jjust as happy with one from any bakery.

Happy New Year

2006-12-22T07:11:00.000-08:00

Boxing is the theme of this post:

First of all, horray!, Rocky has another movie. I am very excited.

Second, boxing day. This is my time to shine, my 'Christmas' in a commercial sense. (I love the family and visiting side of regualr christmas, hate thhe commercialism) I am excited, and started my routine, which involves buying the paper the week before, not missing one. Still no ads yet. It is a wierd year cause the S.P. would normally print them on 24th, but taht is a Sunday, and they can't wait till boxing day to run it.

I was able to get some info from Futureshop. They open at 6 a.m. this year on boxing day.

I love the earlier openning times. Less waiting, and it weeds out the weak. I will aim to be in line shortly before 3 a.m. if there is something really good. Really, we are left with 2, maybe 3 good choices this year. Futureshop, visions, and maybe compu smart. And a door crasher is not a door crasher unless better than half price, and saving at least $200. We lost the legendary king of boxing day, A and B sound. They were also the only palce we had to buy non mainstream CD's.

Maybe my dad will join me this year, he will be in town. He is the one who taught me how to boxing day shop, taught me that all good deals to be had were off the shelves before 8 a.m., hopefully we reunite the team. Student and teacher.

I would tell you what I am hoping for out there, but that is generally not done in the boxing day lines, we are friends till the doors open, then jsut hope you are not going for the same thing as me.

Bye Buy, and a Merry christmas to my readers.

2006-12-19T12:06:00.000-08:00

Staff Christmas Party

Leading up to the staff Christmas Party, I was pretyt excited, adn boasted of my unbeatable bowling game, as last time I won by a large margin, and it is my 'sport' outside of waterski season. By being prideful, I gave other staff members something to play for, and something to taunt me with every time I threw a bad ball( which was often).

I should have never talked the talk, cause by making a big deal out of it, it is a bigger deal that I did not have the high score in either game. Great sadness for me. I had a chance in teh second game but wasted a strike by hitting a 2 pin in the last frame. The next thing I know, I am in the lounge drowning my sorrows, and I don't remember anything after that...Merry Christmas.

2006-12-13T06:21:00.000-08:00

Ah yes, the popular position of 'Point Man' or Leader.

Some conflicts on dates for an upcoming retreat. Conflict witha quiz meet. I already know what decision needs to be made. I told the peple in charge of quizing that their ministry fit under a larger picture of ministry right from the start.

Those it will impact are not going to be pleased. I think one will take it alright, being a little upset, and one will be more vocal about it. People need to understand that if I switch to another weekend, I impact others as well. I guess, even if they don't understand that, i do, and though I try to create understanding, I have never been one to wait for total agreement of everyone before making a decision.

I know I am called to this position, and sometimes it is fun. sometimes it is not. The wierd thing is, i don't feel sad about having to make the decision, I just feel it is part of life that people will need to decide between two good things. I have to do it all the time. Would love to see those concerned and how they respond when those two choices are a ministry opportunity and family. Sorry, that is not fair, I am sure there will be maturing by the time that happens. If I can 'mature' in my thinking, I am sure anyone can.

This blog is not in anyway a critisism of anyone and their concerns, simply voicing what I am feeling, the purpose of a blog.

Have a nice day.

2006-12-12T11:33:00.000-08:00

What a wonderful day.

After an amazingly busy Sunday, I got to stay home with my kid yesterday. We went to the parent and tot swim and basically had the whole pool tp our selves. A red pool noodle submerged and popping up around jakes floaty mat served as a dragon or sea monster. He made the 'woo ha woo ha woo hahaha music as I went through the 'ring of fire' (bubbles from 'Finding Nemo') and he was tested by a life guard to make sure he was ready for an unparented swim class in january. Wow, things move fast in this life.

We stayed in for over an hour, and rented half the pool, it seemed, for $6.

gotta love Mondays off.

Mike

2006-12-09T11:00:00.000-08:00

Who knew about this and why wasn't I told?!?

So, last week, shortly after telling my wife there is nothing I really want for Christmas, i see in the Walmart Flyer that they have re-released classic transformer characters. (I won't name any, want to see if any of my readers can name the classics, post comment)

I told her then that I wanted some of these, to collect, as this is huge part of my childhood and did not keep any from way back. So yesterday, just to see where this re-release was going (more characters or something) I googled the word transformers. THat brought me to a movie page. Not the 1987 cartoon movie, but a real transformers movie (I guess as real as a Semi that turns into a fighting robot can be). They showed a quick preview. I can't believe it.

This is my child hood, transformers and Turtles, there was nothing else on that level for me. (and transformers were more important to me than turtles.

If my wife has been diligent in searching the walmarts, then I may have at least one, hopefully more of the classic figures to set up in my room (guitar room.)

Jake would be allowed limited play time with them when he was old enough to understand. We were watching the movie (robots, as he calls them) and the car who becoems the leader later was running and transformed to a car. Jake said 'where did the robot go', and I thought 'that's the beauty of it all, amazing'.

Anyways, no tiem for all the new transformers and toys out there, if you see a classic, pick it up for me, please. And I will have a big party to go see the movie on April 4. Anyone want to come?

Mike

2006-12-05T07:24:00.000-08:00

So those winter tires saved a big accident yesterday.

Travelling over the attridge overpass at 60 (posted limit) towards Canadian tire, an older couple in a truck come in off the freee way ramp, and do a tripple lane change right in front of me doing 30 and never speeding up. I slammed on the brakes (it was not the kind of close where you could just slow down) and my car angled a bit but continued to travel forward, slowiing down pretty quickly, while I layed my chest on teh horn. I came easily within 18 inches of them, and they never tried to change bakc or speed up. I am sure the other tires would have had me spin more around or continue faster forward.

Here is where the human side of me comes out. i intentionally parked right beside them in the lot as we were headed to same store, and as we got out, i asked him if he had any clue how dangerous that lane change of his was. they put their heads down and walked away quickly into the store. I think they could have at least appologized, but I will try not to cling to my rights, I guess. I have asked God to forgive my anger, but my attitude still is that they can at least say something about their stupid move. I make lots of mistakes, but at least I can admit when I did.

Would it have been 'my fault' in the eyes of SGI, since technically it would have been a rear end collision? Anyways, I hold to my belief that hesitant and slow drivers cause as many accidents as overly agressive ones. It is not a snotty arrogant statement, but teh truth, unless this day we all agree to drive 30 on 3 lane major roads during fair conditions.

That is my thought for the day, happy driving.

Mike

2006-12-03T07:39:00.000-08:00

As of yesterday, our car is now winter ready.

Winter tires, winter 'reflex' wipers. The wipers come as Robyn asked me repeatedly while I drove her somewhere this week if I could see out my side cause she could nnot from hers. I agree it was a challenge, but not impossible. If I was on my own, I may try to stick it out and drive with a streaky windshield and normal all seasons, and invest that almost $600 into a snow blower. But with my son and wife, whom I love so much, I will error on the side of safety for the car, and continue to shovel with my back and arms. not being a martyr here, just saying it was tough to spend that much on something that I normally wouldnn't. last time I had winter tires, my dad was buying them for all our vehicles 7 years ago. Back then, he put studded tires on ym '86 Capri. That rocked.

Even if I changed my mind, tires are probably unreturnable if they did the job properly. Even for the guy who can return anything at any time.

In other news, I sold a Nintendo Wii at my cost, how stupid was that. It was to help a parent in youth group, so I did not try to make money, but then i saw what they were going for on E-bay.ca, ouch.

Just like the tires, the deal is done.
so long for now.

2006-11-28T07:41:00.000-08:00

No dice?

so Jake has had fun playing with the dice (or number cubes) from our risk game. Last night, he was rolling them in the big jetted tub, cause it made nice sounds, (and I had closed the drain so as not to lose them). I could not find them later, but it was time for bath and bed for Jake, so I started running the water, but decided to use the big tub. It has a fancy faucet witha goose neck curve tha teh water comes out of, and while running the water, a die pops out, lol. I turned the flow up and the other four come out, one at a time. Jake thought it was the greatest thing ever.

What else will be stuffed in there?

Hope all of our new parent friends are excited about stories like this.

2006-11-21T11:32:00.000-08:00

So my heart sunk last night....
They announced the plans for the 'Dance team' at the U of S ballroom dancing club, and how next semester they will perform a medley of 8 dances in 4 minutes. (this team works ona choreographed program for the big year end dance, like a half time show) It will either be a really good show, or a bust to get that much into one routine. I looked at Amanda and we talked through the idea of joining next semester, but it lands on the night that we do small group. It also, our instructor said, would be a steep learning curve if we don't have lots o time to work on it during the week.

When we got home from class, I looked at our calendar, and Amanda works either right before or during 4 out of the first 5 classes for dance team. We will stick to our regular intermediate class, and just continue to get better at that.

Anyways, that is what is in the news today.

I love dancing.

2006-11-18T16:30:00.000-08:00

So yeah, i get to play Sax on worhsip team tomorrow. I am very excited about that. It has been a long time, and the last time I played, the team leader was always telling me to play less. Lol. The new leader on this team is much more hip to the Saxophone scene, and though I am not going to take any attention from the heart of music, I love adding to the feel and sound. It is a team I wnated to play on because of members on it already.

anyways, I will probably have many more short posts.
Later

2006-11-11T07:08:00.000-08:00

So, I usually don't have trouble getting out of bed. bu this bed, now has a goose down duvet(from amanda's birthday last march), and a feather bed mattress topper (picked up from jysk rain check last night) and now it is very tough to get out of bed. At least jake let us sleeep till 8, unfortunately the cat only let us sleep till 7:45. for the record, the mattress topper was $39 on sale, rain check, and today it goes back on sale for $59) (reg . $89)

In other news, yesterday i returned a pair of 2 month old shoes, worn outside, no reciept, and got an exchange. I move beyond futureshop returns now.

2006-11-08T06:42:00.000-08:00

A four level spilt, a two car garage, and a drive way that would fit 5 of Joel's car's end to end and still leave room for the mailman to walk. My wife and I have never liked the design of a garage jutting out in front of the house, so that you see the garage as more prominent than where the humans dwell on a property. That is one of the reasons we bought our house. But a garage hidden in the back of the house alos results in a long drive-way to stare down from the side walk.

Why do I blog about this now? cause, as many of you know, we had our first dumping of snow. I heed the advice of my boss who last year advised me that he would take 3 shovlings of the drive that are smaller than waiting for it all to be done at the end of the dumping...pushing snow is easier than having to carry it cause there is too much to push.

Already by the time i arose this morning, there was a heavy load. I did my best to clear some of it, knowing full well that there would be more to clear cause it was still falling.

but I shall not complain. I am thankful that we have a house that holds lots of friends and their cars as well. (though Joel typically still parks on the street). I am thankful tha tmy wife said thanks when i cam in (I may not be the fastest dish do-er, but managing the outside of the house at this time of year is as important as the inside.) I am thankful for leather winter boots that were warm enough to keep my father's feet toasty during minus 30 days in construction. and I am thankful that half way through my struggle, my son came bundled up to the hilt, dust pan in hand, out the door and headlong into the blustery snow fall to help his dad. At that point, it all became less productive, but more meaningful.

It was even enough motivation for me to shut off the car and tug him in the toboggan to his day care. I thought he would like it more.

anyone care to start a pastoral snow blower fund?

2006-11-03T09:40:00.000-08:00

He's coming to town soon, I am so excited! (and I am not talking about some old guy with a weight managgement problem, who wears solid red, with only a bit of white trim for relief)

Colin James is returring here for Little big band 3, adn the last time he was here was LBB2, 8 years ago, and i was there. There are concerts to get excited about, and this guy's name is small compared to others who get mor radio play, but I appreciate him cause he is not commercial, going for radio play. he is an artist. he has reinvented himself for CD's at least 8 times (totally diff style on each) His live act is so amazing (walking through crowd soloing, etc) and each song is done differently each time you see him (cause he is an artist, not a live recording wearing shoes). Last time I saw him, he played songs from 7 diff albums, and 3 songs I had never heard before, which is wierd since I ahve owned every album from each release date.

So I purchased 8 seats in a special fan club presale, which are great seats, but tried again today, and was able to purchase even closer. Now I have some seats to sell, so let me know if you are interested. (9 rows back, not bad at all). I will ask around before putting them in the paper.

Anyways, that's my news, go visit www.colinjames.com and click on discography if you are interested in seeing a journy that spans styles far beyond most any 3 bnads combined.

Mike
thanks for reading, who is aware I am back online again?

2006-10-26T10:20:00.000-07:00

Well, it's official.

After a phone conversation this morning, I have now bought out the ownership of a JAS arm brace. a piece of equipment so revolutionary that it is supposed to fix complicated elbow problems in 8 weeks or less, while other machines may take 12 weeks. I ahve been renting this unit (almost mortgaging it) for 12 months now.

If it perks your interest, my many readers who don't even know I blog any more...
www.jointactivesystems.com
I will rent it to you for $450 a month if you ever need one. I will give you a deal, 400.

Mike

2006-10-24T16:23:00.000-07:00

My dancing handicap:

Well, it trns out that becuase of my elbow's new reality, there are now 2 moves that I struggl with in the Jive. I asked the instructor about this and she agreed I could comprimise.

What a weekend...amanda and I were together 3 nights in row, first tiem ina long time, and danced all thre nights. wow.

2006-07-18T07:24:00.000-07:00

A Very Brilliant Man

I am not refering to the author of this rather slow moving blog, but a man named Richard Bourassa.

After getting stuck with a less than brilliant, less than expreienced physio (like requested) to hold me over while the hospital staff has vacation staff, i personally called this man, who owns Bourassa and Associates. Physio. He intended to see me once and refer me to one of his people, but after working on me, said he is not giving this to anyone, he wants to see it to the end himself. Last night he tried stuff with weights, pullies, cables, straps, etc. to tire the muscles out that resist his work on my elbow, then he went to work. Wow, He got so much movement, he would come and check on me, and get ready to start working, and found the arm fully stretched out, then he would switch to flexion. After a little prep on that, he got great movement, then back teh other way, and then wanted to end in flexion. he set his pullies up, started to hook me up, and looked confused. He said 'look at the bend in your elbow after going fully sttraight'...I looked, and there was almost nothing left to gain. It was bent (not as much as you normal people) but functional. He sent me home, said see you wednesday. (late in evening, as he normally does not ahv etime for cases as involved as mine while runnign 3 clinics.)

We stll have a tonne of work to do on elbow, and a long road ahead, but it felt better than in last year and half, last night. ( by better, I mean that he made me almost cry, lots, but it worked,)

2006-06-11T07:33:00.000-07:00

chapter two of hospital stay.

sorry for the delay, but some of these posts, like this one, are very hard to come to terms with, or say 'out loud', but if this is my spiritual journey, tehn it may as well be real as i reflect.

So, still in the O/R, still fully awake, and unable to catch teh eye of the nurse, or anyone else. Thne they start to go to work. The doctor had told me ahead of time that normal pain control would not be sufficient for moving my arm after surgery, so they would try something called a nerve block. This is where they search, via needle, and nerve stimulator, for the correct nerves to your arm off of your C-6 vertibra, and freeze those nerves by the spine directly, and keep them frozen. Not pain control, but total loss of sensation.

They had told me that the safer way to do it would be through my chest, with less chance of puncturing, and they would be able to run tubing in that way to keep freezing flowing in. If that did nto work, they would have to come in through the neck. With that, there would be risk of puncturing my lungs, and they would not be able to run tubing in but would need to repeate the procedure every morning while in hospital.

So, there on teh table, alone with 6 other people, they started to go in through the chest. All they could find though, with the nerve stimulator, was my chest nerves. they were repeatedly making my chest heave up and down, and knew they were not even close to the nerves for my right arm. So, after sticking needles and stimulators deep into my chest, they said, as i could hear clearly, that they would need to try the neck approach, but would have to be careful.

As they went in, the pain and fear were both increased with a needle in my neck rather than in my chest. (both probably seem unpleasant, but now my mind's eye was on the signature that said i acknowledged the risk of my lung being punctured during this procedure.) As they got deeper with the needle (remmeber, no sedation yet) my chest started bouncing again. I thought, that's fine, they are jus getting started. About 2 minutes later, according m to my internal clock, they were still only making my chest bounce (and i wasn't even jogging)

Then, the preasure off my chest, finally, but my left leg is now definately stimulated. This is more than reflex, this is a constant firing of the nerves inside to impact the muscles outside. My mind cried out as that happened, the longer this took, the more risk they were in for. Why was the more experienced doctor just advising the less experienced doctor. Why did he not use his own hands, and not just his directions to the newbie. I understand the need for education, but my neck is on the line here. I was now not only scared, but angry, angry that a man had to be awake to hear this going on. Angry that a doctor saw it more important to train than to keep me safe. angry that i even thought this whole process a year ago could even have a happy ending. I actually cared far more about 'something serious' happening then i did before. I longed to know that my son would be raised right, and ahve a complete and Godly life. I did not cry out to God, but I cried out to something.

Eventually, they got small movements in my arm, and wiggled the equipment around that area more carefully, until my entire arm was convulsing.

They said they had it, and injected the freezing. Oh, a weird and scary feeling, preasure of liquid deep inside. As soon as they had that, the nurse (whom had I/V.ed me without my knowledge, looked at me and advised they were sedating me now, and then I was gone, within seconds.

So, at the time, I did not have the ability to relate this expereience to any ideas or illustrations, but as I reflect, it all seems similar to our reactions to God sometimes. My reactions inside to the doctors, I mean.

While they were not doing the procedure as successfully as I ha hoped, and I started to fear the risks that came with doing it,, i was very angry at the ones 'in control'. Often, when things that we know God is 'in control' of, are not going the way we hoped, or the risks are now increased, or seem that way, we get very angry.

This idea has brought me to a thought which may be the thesis of my next few years, trying to figure out. that is this: Is the north american church focussed on a 'results based god' that they call Christianity. Do we worship God more what what He does than who He is? I am not saying that he doesn't promise some results, for sure our eternity, and there are lots of promises regarding this life too.

But do we expect results from Him that He never intended, and worship accordingly? This is not a judgemental statement, but a reflection of how i think i have let the culture change me more than God transform me. I desire often for what he wants for me, as expressed in His word, but I have lots of other desires as well. Like desiring the doctors to be successful the easy way, with little risk, I want God to take care of me, not in teh vague way of thinking everyhing will be alright in the end, but that i want to be 'all right' now. i want my arm to be working, and I hoped that God would make it more than just a complicated medical process that may or amy not work, costing hours, days, of painful therapy and excercises, for possible results. i will not come to the point of admitting there is any divine intervention in that, so I get mad, cause i dont have the results i want.

Who he is has not changed, but what I want him to do vs. what he is doing is getting wider apart byt the day. I want to come to the point where I worship regardless, and continually, but there are some big things that are not 'well with my soul', if I am being honest, which seems to be the case in this blog, for better or for worse. I want to get to this point, I love him, but it is really hard to worhsip right now, really ahrd. It would be easier for me to believe that he couldn't help me, but would if he could, than knowing all my life that he could do anything, but isn't.

This has become really big for me. I just know that in my life right now, my feelings towards God are similar to my feelings towards the doctors trying to freeze a quarter of my body, touching areas they and I can't see. I want it to change, i want to be different, but I am so scared that if i just say 'it's all right', I risk not being able to tlak to God about some things/ideas, that have really really hurt in the last 15 years. I went up to the front at Elim Church, many times, to be 'healed', nothing. the elders in 3 churches have prayed, and then the oil thing, and two times, with people praying, they blamed the lack of healing on my lack of faith, but i believed, trust me. anyways, i wan tto know if God would rather me not think about results any more, but i want my theology to be based on truth, nott pat answers, so I will journey.

2006-05-31T09:36:00.000-07:00

good morning.

I am blogging from home , as I take time off after my surgery. there are many events and experiences that impacted me in the hospital, so I will be sharing about some of those in my next few blogs.

since you already read about my preop experience, and some of you were unlucky enough to read about my night before, until a good friend of mine deleted that, I will start the morning of. I went into the operating room , fully aware and not on any medication at that point. I was laying down on the bed, and in elegant hospital attire, but other than that, no different than you or I would normally be.

shortly before hand, the surgeon had spent some time talking about the surgery with me, but I pushed beyond that topic and was far more interested in the rehab that he had planned. he said he was interested in letting me go on Friday or Saturday, but I knew that no fizz you therapy places were open on the weekend, and told him quite plainly that he was hanging out to dry , if he sent me home when there is no help available even on my own. he agreed and said they would not let me go until Monday.after our pleasant chat, the anesthesiologist spent some time explaining the risk of the nerve blocks they were going to do on my right side. they would try to find the right nerve clusters using a nerve stimulator that they would stick in my neck, and then inject the freezing directly onto those nerves. he explains that there is much less risk coming at those nerves from the front through my chest. he stated that only if they could not do this properly they would come through my neck which have a lot more risk to it.

I signed the paper that said it would not sue these guys and they rolled me into the operating room , fully awake and aware. They said they needed this to find the right nerves. it was very strange seeing quite clearly everyone prepare their tools to operate on me. I would have much preferred , the more common relative already been drowsy , and sedated at this point. everyone in the room was very busy, and for the first time in a while . I allowed myself to feel fear. lying flat on the bed, I looked around , in desperation, seeking a pair of eyes to meet mine and understand what I was feeling , because i was fully awake. even the nurses were very busy and could not spare the time to meet my eyes with theirs.

then the two anesthesiologists started to do their work on my right side with the nurse on my left side. it appeared she was watching my vitals,and very interested in this nerve block procedure. I know this because she watched the doctors constantly as they worked on my neck and chest. with the same consistency, I looked up at her hoping to catch her eye, trying to explain without words , that I was not all right. I wanted someone in that room to know that though I tried to enter this experience strong I was on the verge of breaking down for the simple reason that I was scared that I would not be safe during this procedure. for better or for worse, I never did get the attention of any pairs of eyes in that room, which was very disappointing , because I'm sure that if I can just communicate to someone that I was not all right that maybe they could send back through the same look that they would be aware and watching when I no longer could.

I know I've made a lot of unfair demands towards God and my journey, but I think longing to see those eyes, the eyes of God or Jesus looking at me,understanding that I was not all right, and promising through a glance , more powerful than words, that they would be watching when I no longer could. if I could extend that demand of God, I also asked that in that look he would not communicate the type of 'it will be OK' that means that your fears are irrational, but more , I will be there watching even when it isn't OK.

I think that God offers this. I read in the Psalms, and other areas of the Bible that discuss the comfort of God, and I can't imagine a divine comfort , lacking the description I've just giving you. I know it is there, and I know it is real, but I've had a lot of trouble in the last couple years actually seeing those eyes. maybe I've asked to God to be too physical in that demand to see those eyes. maybe I need to close my eyes more to establish that gaze with my savior that I long for from him, and longed for in that operating room.

in that operating room I was scared to close my eyes before communicating this need to at least one person there. forget the words of at least, this need , was simply for one and only one person to know that I was not all right. I was scared that if I close my eyes . they would assume I was getting drowsy , and that the voices in my head screaming to cut your losses get up and run,but i should be able to trust that God won't lose sight of me, or assume everything is all right, when I close my eyes longing to meet his and experience some to a communication that words are never sufficient for.

more to come later.

2006-05-17T13:30:00.000-07:00

Hey, thjis is my blog from in the hospital, at pre op assesment. It is real, raw, and very long. I thought it would be fun to bring my laptop, but if you are easily offended, too sensitive at anything i may say that could seem like an attack,, or hav enot yet brought me off some spiritual pedestle that I can't maintain, then don tread. Also, don't feel obligated to coment. If I disturb u, sorry, this blog is not for u, but if I must hold back, this blog is not for me.

My Blog from inside Saint Paul

I arrive 25 minutes early, and get through admitting in record time. I am then sitting in front of “Test Center” half an hour before the sign says it will open. I wait in front of the doors, thinking about what I feel like right now. By the sounds of it, I will be present in many different departments before I am done here.

I think about what they are thinking when they look at me, or when they look at my file. I think to myself, I just want them to see me in my desperation. I want people to understand I need their help, and I can’t afford a third go at this, in fact I won’t wait for that to happen either. LBNL. I see a nurse pass by, on her way home probably, tired, looking after people, or are they people. Files? Numbers? Whatever. I just want someone to see that I can’t afford to be a number this time. I can’t wait six $%^&$# weeks for any real follow up. I know none of this is life threatening, but I hope that someone sees the second pass at this as an emergency, not just another attempt. I know in ski jumping you get 3 attempts, but not in this. I know some have gone through more than me, but I tried to be strong, valiant, Godly, whatever in maintaining my career of helping people, even in the midst of this past year. Screw maintaining, I won’t toot any of my own horns, but the last year has hardly been mere maintenance. Some people I see keep on trucking, some people need a break cause it is too much, some people quit cause it is too much. I do not feel bad in saying I have lived the complete opposite of the kind of life described in the latter 2. If I offend you with any of those statements, sorry, but show your anger by not visiting me next week, lol. Don’t assume I am thinking of you when I describe those people, nor that I say that those people are bad, or not, or whatever. I am just saying I have done anything but take a break or quit, and you could have not judged me had I done either. Many of you are also like me I am sure, and I just don’t see your problem you are going through, or the depth of it, as you also continue to serve. I don’t know who you are, but I understand, and am sorry, and hope you get a chance to take that break. I really do.

I watch a security guard go by, and food services, and others. Please, one week from today, one of you walking by me now, write on my forehead as I am asleep in recovery “I can’t afford for this not to work” or “this is urgent”

Then I reflect on a recent blog, bitching about all the people who want to be seen as urgent in my to-do list, but they really are not, in my eyes. Interesting. I want to be seen as urgent, but am tired of people wanting the same of me. Interesting. Fate? Karma? Alanis Morisette’s misuse of the word ironic? Whatever, LBNL.

A merciful Nurse lets me in the test center early, thank you. Will you also be on post op when I need that kind of nurse? 2 minutes there, and ushered to x-ray. Have worn a lot of those crotch protecting lead things in the last year and a half.

Wow, an old friend in the waiting room. Mr. Balboa on A and E. Thank you god, a distraction from my selfish self declared state of emergency. I enjoy his great script writing for 15 minutes, and get called in.

What did you do to your arm, he asks’, lol. I am not here any more about what I did to my arm. Awkward silence. I miss better dialogue with Sly already, I should have turned the TV up louder before I left.

If u do grace my private or semi private room next week at all, please bring Mr. Balboa, or Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer, or some other classic in a form that my computer can play. Thanks.

As I got ushered into the X-ray room, a guy torts “I was the first one in the waiting room, and the last one left” maybe he is just a number today.

From there to pre-op assessment. They stick me in a room to watch cinematic genius in coughing, huffing, wiggling my toes, and deep breathing post surgery. They instruct ‘use your arms when you sit up, to keep pressure off your incision.’ If I am a number, they picked the wrong number on the video, LBNL.

After that, she informs me that the next person to see me will be the anesthetist. He won’t be in for another hour and a half. A fine man I used to go to church with. He I am sure will warn me of risks, etc. I will listen, and sign, but not this time out of a trust in the system. This time I will sign because I just don’t care. Like Duracell claims, sometimes it just has to work.

The nurse then informs me that i actually won’t get to see the good doctor David Kim today. He is busy with patients, sir. At least this morning is confirming that I will be a number. *&*&$##&*!

I take the initiative to go down early to the department of therapies, and get fitted up though I am not scheduled till 1 p.m. They are happy to help me then and the therapist is the first reassuring person in this whole process. She tells me that her and another therapist will try to check in on me many times in a day as long as I am in hospital. She did mention that their hands are tied without dr’s orders though. I will ask him what his plan is, oh, oops, can’t. The CPM machine is not that impressive, but she assures me that it will do the job, and that they will do hands on what the machine can’t, if she gets the order from the doctor. She also said she will make sure people are on top of pain management cause the cpm machine will not feel good, she says.

Speaking of pain control, back to wait for the make u go to sleep guy. Before he comes, I meet with a nurse, who basically has pamphlets to read, one on total elbow replacement recovery, lol. She says ‘that must be a mistake’ and throws it away. K, am I legitimately scared after some of the things going on here? She talks at me, she is nice, though, and leaves me with a sealed sponge I must use on arm that morning before coming. May save t for camping instead, great packaging.

After done with her,, back to waiting room to blog again. An older couple are setting up a crib game across from me, and I avoid making any contact but then think ‘ as mad and scared as I am right now, I still love people and searching for opportunities to make contacts, bless people and maybe even get to share about the love of my eternal life. I set the cpu down, and ask if I can join, they seem so excited, we set it up, and I start to deal when Dennis Ong, old church friend, calls my name.

He gives me lots of info and is very caring. Tells me they are trying to freeze nerve clusters to the right of my C6 vertebra, and describes the process a bit (a bit scary, ask in person) and says the result with be that feeling in the right side of my body will disappear for the duration of my hospital stay. He says part of that includes some stuff he has never actually done before, but he will find someone who has, lol.

Once he is done chatting, he assures me they will be very careful, and though there are major risks, he says not to worry, he will take care of me as far as pain control.

I start to leave, but want to use the phone to call my best friend for a ride back to work, though I am booked out for the day. Work needs to be done. After doing that, and walking down the hall, I see a ghost from the past that amazes me. Wo, does God make this stuff work out, oor is it just chance. Anyways, he gets my attention again, though by the time I am done I still cant get the attention of the surgeon, my whole reason for coming. I go to work, staff meeting, etc. Here we go again.

2006-05-16T12:30:00.000-07:00

Scene from office, 2 minutes ago:

Steph Owen telling me about how her and her husbadn are corrected on fashion mistakes by kids. Steph and I start to go over common mistakes, I add:'black socks and sandals', Church administrator walks by, almost perfectly timed, wearing balck socks and sandals. LOL

2006-05-16T07:50:00.001-07:00

So, my son, yesterday, looked at a cover of a book I am ooking at to help answer jr high questions. The book is called 'Why so many Gods?' but since he can't read, he must have just been looking at the picture. He pointed and said 'daddy!' as he seems to ahve found what looks liek to him a picture of me. (if u have nto followed the link yet, u will not get any of this)

So, please comment, what does my son see in me? lol, or cna he predict the future?

Mike

2006-05-16T07:44:00.000-07:00

Be still my bleeding ...

Tongue?

That's right, I split open my tongue yesterday putting in some lunch hour time (I worked yesterday) on a Baritone Saxophone I picked up. I am buying it and renting it to a studnet who will play in my new quartet. Hence, if he stays in it long enough, a lot of my costs are covered and I still have a bari.

The reed is a little tougher than the alto reed I am used to, and I was just having so much fun with walking bass lines that I did not notice till I removed the blood coated reed from the horn.

Hey, look at that? I was having fun, that's cool, and I didn't even mean too, lol. Think I found something i will ened to try again. (dont worry, the tongue builds up calousses.

2006-05-16T07:28:00.000-07:00

Well, life continues to plough forward with trying to prep for tiem away.

I agree with many of the 'legitimate' issues that people have and want me to address, but I wish people would ahve a clue as to the ratio of issues i get on any given day compared to just hteirs.

For instance, I have now put $800 of my own cash into YC, waiting for others to pay for thier tickets, some claim ignorance, some claim I did not communicate that they had to pay, (that ammsues me, lbnl) and now more who are cancelling.

Be it staff, students, whatever. What do I do with these tickets that the church, and now I have paid for? I know that my job comes with issues to deal with, hence leadership. but people approach me with the urgency like thiers is the only issue, or the casualness, like they are the only ticke t I must now reseell. I will find more disciplers for my sponsors, as was promised to them and not yet fulfilled. I will make sure al my responsibilities are covered for when I am gone. I will make sure everyone has what they need ahead of time.

But, if u are waiting on me, just sit back, take a look, and imagine that even the YC issue alone right now will probably take me one full alnighter to sort out, since there are more 'pressing (lbnl) issues to deal with during office hours. Please be patient, and my thanks goes out to those who are willing to take up some more of the load, like a friend who is now handling food for Grad Banquet. I hate banquets. Lol.

Well, off to write two year end reports, one for SSCA, adn one for the church. I will blog a happier blog today to, just wanting people to understnd, they are not the only issue.

2006-05-12T09:29:00.000-07:00

A few things:

Some more detaisl from my doctor that u dont want. I have crossed the 160 lb mark for the first time in my life. Hmm, all the working out I ahve done in last 12 months? probably not.

Ode to dad: (on this mothers day weekend) He would rather give us the title to the cabin than sell it for cash. It is mroe valuable that we have a haven to rest and just be a family, even if he never sees the cabin again. Dad strikes again. we were planning on bringing back teh shaggin wagon (big van) back to him, the rightful owner, on may long, but he called to sya it is now ours forever. He is frustrated with guys from work abusing his vehices, so would rather i have it. Wow, guess I'll stop abbusing it, lol. Just kidding, we treat it well, lol.

2006-05-09T09:18:00.000-07:00

So, at a pre-opp appointment, my doc ordered blood wok to see if I would clot right and stuff, standard tests before big surgery.

She then said, since we are taking blood, lets do a test for cholesterol as well. Lol, , I responded that that was not necessary, but she replieed in a sort of all ready printed the requisition kind of way. So, 10 hour fast, lose 2 tubes of blood, and 3.5 minutes later, a nice breakfast at mcDonalds, lol. I generally dont like their food, but those Mcgriddles, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Hey, the test was done, it wont affectthe results.

2006-05-09T09:13:00.000-07:00

Well, I am no David Blaine.

I am not able to sit in tank like him, or hold my breathe for that long. I doubt ABC will cover my story, and know that there will not be the hundreds of passerby's wondering how it will end or showing support.

Regardless, I spend a lot fo time 'focussing' or meditating' when i cna afford the time. It is hard to understand and maybe silly sounding to those outside of my spirit right now.

First, I must prepare my mind and spirit for a battle that no one has any clue is about to begin. A battle that I don't know the ending to the story in, nor my heart's true response to those endings.

Second, my Dr. reminds me I can't take Ibuprofen for days before surgery, that shall be a challenge, since I now live off it.

Third, another therapist says I must train myself to sleep on my back, for the sake of my neck, good luck.

Forth, they tell me the more relaxed I am going into the surg, the more successful it will be. That is totally contradictory to what must be done for me to be able to pull back for afew weeks.

For what it is worth, I made some very tough decisions to respond to a message from the Lord directly to me that came a long time ago. when He gave it, I didn't want it. He reminded me, as my surg date came up, and now I ahve responded. Reluctantly, the kind of "I will do this, bu please dont leave me hanging, or I might not hang around' kind of respnse. Probably not what God was looking for, but I finally listenned to His message to me from one dark late night at a bible camp.

2006-05-07T07:26:00.000-07:00

Losing to Quads, twice in a row.

First hand, fold, nothing really to bet on.
Second hand, J/Q off suit. The flop gives me 9/10/K, wow. another 9 on the turn. a 2 on the river. I have the only combination for that high of straight, and flush not possible. Even if someone has a third 9, i still win. A girl who does not know when it is even her turn, and friend suggests she call my bet. she turns over other two nines. Awesome.

Third hand: 10/K off suit. flop gives me J/Q/A. Bet on highest straight, no chance of flush again. tunr card = 7, no bet. River = A, so someone may have 3 A's, I still win. All in. Guy calls me, I think he doesn't know math that well. He flips over other two Ace's.
Awesome. Go home early.

Sometimes you think you've got a winner. sometimes you think it makes sense to go ahead. Then you see that really you had nothing worth betting on at all. Awesome. So, what now? do I sit at the table and watch everyone else collect their spoils all night, or can I go home early?

2006-05-05T12:45:00.000-07:00

Another mornign Run.
This time, more of a sprint than a jog. And with my shirt off too. lol.

Lying in bed, tired as all get out, and then we here the rumbling of the garbage truck out front. I made great time. Putiting on pants slowed me down a bit, but I dont think he would have stopped otherwise, lol. That is 2 runs this week.

2006-05-02T09:43:00.000-07:00

Poured out like a drink offering

Rejection Complex?
With a second surgery date sure to be soon, my physio informs me that she is taking temportary reduced hours, lol. did she do that knowign that another round would be comig soon, forced time with me, lol. She siad she will share the load/blessing with another therapist.

2006-05-01T06:54:00.000-07:00

Poured out like a drink offering: "2006"

8 minutes, 27 seconds. I can afford that.

This morning I went out for a run, more of a jog, maybe even a brisk wal. To the school, down garvie, mcwillie, back down konhowski to home.

There was mud on my runners froma horrible mess I had created by a) not cleaning up all the dirt from the lawn after digging for jakes swing, and b) turing on the sprinklers one evening before jake went to bed, and c) letting jake play outside just before bed.

I am sure it would have taken me 8 minutes to clean all the mud off of those runners, but now the mud is gone, and only 27 extra seconds. Tomorrow I will wear amanda's runners, and wednesday, jake's.

I know I can't lift weights like I used to cause of arm, and probably wont be able to until at least fall. I know I can't take part in the summer sports people play together as teams beating other teams. I know I am also sick of not being half of what I used to be physically (despite what my weight says). So, I ran.

2006-04-29T18:24:00.000-07:00

Poured out like a drink offering

What we can afford?
So, frustrating moment yesterday. i have 'afforded' myself some time, occationally this last few weeks, to walk down a bit of a spiritual adventure, an internal journey with external tangents, but it can't be done half hearted. On friday, I was reminded, by events,etc. that I can't afford that time. That makes me angry.

I hear of a a pair of friends, a couple who plan on taking a year off of any ministry for the first year of their marriage. Lol, bless their hearts (and bonus for telling me who usually says that and what she means by that)

I hope to get back on this journey, and not become bitter about not being able to. An easier option would be that I never journeyed there at all, but that is no longer an option. Neither is affording the time in this season of life to go there, though, as this weeks events reminded me. Maybe summer? Just found out I am eligible for sebaticle in 15 months, but probably can't take it for 26 months, bless my heart. Maybe then.

But I don't like to focus on the time I don't have. Rather I should try to focus what I do have, even more, I guess.

On a brighter note, this post seems to be very well proof-read other than one word I am not sure how to spell.

Have a good weekend!

2006-04-27T09:41:00.000-07:00

Poured out like a drink offering

Childhood?

Last night, while finishing assembly of a new fort/slide/swing set for jake in the back ayrd (who knew it was a landscaping job, not just assembly), I heard someting from another yard, across the fence.

They were running aroudn with a cap gun, and tlaking out scripts i could recognize, like 'how oon can you ahve this tested in the lab'? and one of the kids was singing 'who are you, who who?' while they ran around.

Two questions..cna u figure out what hthey were playing?
and can you tell me what the equivilant would have been when we were kids?

good luck
Mike

2006-04-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

Poured out like a drink offering

Hello again, old friend.

Sorry i missed our Easter Date. I would like to start blogging again. I think I will, but the time away gave me whole new perspectives. i ahve no clue what God is doing, or if it is he doing it, or i that is assumptions that pastors make, but life is really interesting and intense, more inside than out, but whatever.
It makes me value or cherish true authenticity even more, and i find myself asking about the place of blogging in all that, cause i know that there are limits to authenticity available on a blog, becasue of teh nature of, well, the WWW.

Anyways, this is cool, and it has it's palce, so Pastor Pepsi rides again.
So, my thought for the day, I hate leaders who can't apologize. You confront them on soemthing, they redirect it, or deflect it, or whatever. I am not even sure I am willing to call them leaders if that is the case. I know that sounds udgemental, but this blog only has use to me if i can type raw thoughts to, so there it is.

Have a nice day. lol, and dont forget to appologize when needed.
Mike
(interested to see how long before there are actual readers again, lol

2006-03-10T07:18:00.000-08:00

The end of a Bad Relationship?

No, but I will sure make it sound that way.

I am going to take a break from blogging (or already have) for a bit. no, blogging is not bad, (it's not you, it's me), bu I am using Lent as a time to seek balance and answers and direction in my life, but I don't know how to do that any more, so I am trying diffeent things. This is not goodbye, just a break, lol. I did not 'lent' blogging, just trying to find how I should be relying on God, and people, and what the balance is there. I find myself in a cycle which ends in me disapointed in God or people, or people and God being disapointed in me. As I ponder what to blog, I often reflect on struggles that are still just as big as thefirst time I blogged about them, but do not want to blog again about them. Like I said, trying to learn where to lean and how to get through everything right now. I will be back, you don't have to wait for me, but i would love it if you did.

Let's set a date for Easter Sunday being our next time together. It still may be sooner than some of us will blog without 'the break', and I may give sponsors my password to post photos of body parts and how they await the next post, but until Easter, the Official Pastor Pepsi is blog free.

(this does not mean I won't share thing swith the friends who read my blog, just trying to find balalnce.)

Mike

2006-03-03T20:53:00.000-08:00

What do you really think of me?

2006-03-03T11:24:00.000-08:00

So, today I had my first physio in a long time, and it was good. Just the act of someone trying to help, and monitoring the situation, so I don't feel on my own in this was nice.

does anyone remember that great amchine I talked about once, called a CPM, that would keep ,my arm moving after surgery? Well, it is great, and the hospital has lost it. Very expensive equipment, and my physio says they can't locate it. Lol. She tryng very hard to find it before surgery (no rush, lol), but she is as surprised as me that they lost this big piece of medical equipment. Well, hope they find it if it is one of the things that will make the difference second time through. Bye.

Mike

2006-02-28T07:57:00.000-08:00

More blast from the past stuff.

Last thursday, I met someone at the church during C and C who I went to my old church, FBC, with. We were good friends there, worked together on stuff, ministered together at camp, etc. So it was great to catch p with her until she informed me that my old camp director, Rob, had split up with his wife, and was now living in the city with his two boys, but not his wife. I would like to catch up with him, but have not talked in 3 years, because of busyness, etc. I don't want to seem like the only reason I want to talk is because of his 'tragedy.' Is that rude to call him now?

It is emensely discouraging for me to hear that my mentor,the guy who pulled me aside in grade 12, let me counsel, next year taught me to program direct and gave me the job, next year Jr. Staff co-prdinator, next year speaker, basically holding my hand till the day I arrived at Ebenezer, is now not with his wife. This months after finding out that Amanda's old pastor, the guy who married us, has had a moral failing and though they are together, have lots of problems as a result.

Anyways, that is the next blast from the past.

Mike

2006-02-24T07:59:00.000-08:00

Poured out like a drink offering

Extra Strength?

So it has happened, my body has changed, I ahve become what I spent 9 years trying not to. I now must take two extra strength Tylenol to get back to sleep at night, after waking from neck pain. I have spent the better part of my life using drugs sparingly, so that when you need them, for real, they work, and work well right now. Children's tylenol used to make me drowsy, like ony 3 years ago, and one regular strength anything would take care of the problem and any sleep needs for a few hours.

I liked that because many people around me all through high school and beyond pop pills for every little headache, as uposed to stretching out the tension, changing lifestyle, or toughing it out. Many of those same people do not experience the same relief I used to from one of anything, even a sniff of nyquill from the cap.

Anyways, i am no doctor, but I have now joined what I call the pain killer arms race, where the pain doesn't get worse, but your body's response to the help does. At superstore, you can't even buy regular strength anything as far as pain killers go. The whole shelf was either extra strength, or now 'super strength'. Yay, let's turn it up another notch.

2006-02-23T20:06:00.000-08:00

Wow, lots of things to blog about, but I will limit it nd add tomorrow.

Blasts from the pasts...(pasts is spelled as I intended it, no spelling error in my eyes)

So this morning, as I was in Canadian Tire, I ran into an old employee of my dad's from construction years ago. I guess technically he was my employee since everything was in my name, and he always called me boss.He was in his early 60's back then, probably later now, and had a great work ethic. He worked harder than all the young punks who would show up, work 3 days, and try to claim workers comp, at which my dad would inform WCB that the person could not ahve worked hard enough to get hurt in any way.

Lou (older gent) was great at letting me try new stuff. He taught me how to weld, how to drive the zoom boom fork lifts well, and many other skills that come up often in my current position. Not everyone around me took the time to show me stuff like Lou did. He taught me to work on cars a bit, and he 'restored' my first car, the 86' Capri to original Jalepinio (sp) red paint, and great looking body.

Thanks Lou, for all you taught me. He respected me as boss, and treated me like a friend, maybe even a son. I learned from his many years of experience, but never once heard him talk back to me regarding any instructions 'from the top'. We had a short conversation in passing, but his impact on me will continue for years, as I strive to do whatever job I am doing well.

2006-02-22T09:30:00.000-08:00

YC Alberta...

I just finished registering 33 names for Youth Conference. They sell about 12000 seats of 16000 available in the first day. I fought to get in quickly once the web site openned registration, and was in in 12 minutes. Pretty good, and though many of my first choice seats were gone, we still got pretty good seats, I feel. it was so stressful, cause the seats you want disapear off the screen before you can click on them. It is like a video game.

I am confident I did the best we could, dedicating my whole morning to being ready to order online, but I still ahve this feeling inside that some kid will complain that we are not on the floor or lower level,etc, not understanding what those 12 minutes of fighting for spots was like.

Anyways, that's my post.
Mike
Happy to have YC tickets,

2006-02-18T08:55:00.000-08:00

Poured out like a drink offering

A good fiend of mine bought me a shirt yesterday. Very thankful, think I will wear it this Sunday. Reading the tags, it says 'resists wrinkles', lol. Game on! Let's see it resist wrinkles under my care!

2006-02-17T13:36:00.000-08:00

21 signature salute. that is what it took to finallize moving into Silverpring. Moving away from a community that controls you by condo act. Moving walking distance to work, witrh a great back yard for Jake. Yeah. soon, very soon. But my hand is sore from signing stuff. my brain is tired from trying to understand what I was signing. It felt like the 'shell game' magic trick, with my money under one of the shells, only there were more than 3 shells.

Anyways, going to see the new house.
Mike

2006-02-16T13:11:00.000-08:00

Poured out like a drink offering

Had 15 minutes of just worship through song/guitar to start my day (no one else in office) and it was great. Have to do it again some time. Anyone else ever tried that at work? Honestly, though, i just felt better, starting with that than just jumping right in.

Mike

2006-02-15T14:12:00.000-08:00

Expectations, clarifications, and affirmations.

Today, I met my new boss. Ever done that? I respect him, and agree with and appreciate all he had to say. Some was possitive, some was suggestions, some were suggestions with teeth.

With the help of a good friend I have invited to do so, and no feedback from the rest of the peanut gallery, I will meet these expectations. I will maintain my career, which is more a calling, but still a profession which I have worked very hard to be qualified to do. Maintaining these expectations, and suggestions with teeth, will cost, but I will pay the price. Hopefully it does not change me too much, but I will pay the price, I will maintain this career that God gave me, and I am called to.

Can someone please teach me to iron? Don't repy generally, tell me when, and I will be there with a note pad and apron.

Mike

2006-02-15T07:14:00.000-08:00

Hi there. This last week, I understnad a bit more of scripture. Jessu talks about coming for the sick, or the sick needing a doctor. Well, as of recent, our youh ministry is seeing more 'sick' who need a doctor, those who know they need Jesus. It is an interesting contrast between them and those who have taken 'Jesus' for granted. I hear of one who has walked 2 hours to get to youth, in the winter, or church, and think to myself, how does this line up with those who would skip based on personal preferences, even though they have a ride, and support from their parents. Anyways, ...

2006-02-03T07:40:00.000-08:00

Alright, blog 2 days in a row...!

So, had my back scanned by a polititian I disagree with severly. i did not go for a political discussion, just further assessment of why I hurt except when I take ibuprofen, and the hurt is getting worse again. He did this bakc scan thing, which was very cool. It measured differences in temperature from one side of the spine to the other (variation = inflamation) and also measured electrical nerve activitiy all down the back, and compared it to normal numbers. (extra electrical nerve activity means pain, and nerves that do not communicate freely and effectively. (wonder if we should get all our personal relationships scanned by same machine)

Though many would not agree with Jimmy's view of Native Affairs in Canada, his little scanny thing proved exactly the areas that kill me lots (i speak good) and the degree of agrivation in those areas. I actually want to post the images, except that it would be wierd to post personal medical information, but it is available to show if it arrises in discussion...lol. I think we should all go there and get our backs scanned and compare, like trading cards maybe?

Just another tool as the team of people who try to help me, well, try to help me.
Thankyou Mr. Pankiw (that rhymes!)

Mike

2006-02-02T05:59:00.000-08:00

Poured out like a drink offering

Like a long lost friend...
I blog again: Robyn, do you want my password?

Well, two things to blog about, I will start with the small and unimportant. The deal, as of last night, on selling our house is officially closed, thus closing the deal on the new houe too. Now we are juggling possession dates and stuff, what is best for moving, vs. what the other parties will accept. If you are reading this blog, you are likely close enough a friend that you will be called on for that big day of moving, but for your services, I give you all first crack at the jetted tub.

Second..I will blog about tomorrow, thus seeming to blog more often. Buh bye

2006-01-20T06:47:00.000-08:00

Voices in my head?

Not quite, but close. I can hear the distinct sound of my girly cell phone ring in my ears constantly. It is much different than when you have 'a song in your head', even one you don't want in your head. This, I am not thinking about, at all, but I can still physically hear it. I am sure it is related to my recent days like yesterday, where I had between 21 and 26 phone calls on my cell alone before 2 p.m. Those are all incoming calls. (verify this number with my friend Robyn who heard many of them during my meeting with her, where she probably thought I would pay attention to what she was saying at the meeting, silly assumption.)

Anyways, does anyone know if there is a scientific thing where the hairs that pick up sounds on your ear drum can continue resonating a particular sound that it has heard far too much? I guess what i am doing here is openning up discussion for you all: topic, my hairy ears.

oops, gtg, I think I hear my cell phone.

Mike

2006-01-17T09:15:00.000-08:00

Poured out like a drink offering

Much better on Monday. I have got some great blisters that make it very hard to type right now, but symbolize playing 3 hours of slide blues guitar along with my hero, on CD, colin james. It felt great, I am sur that is the first time in a long time I have had that much 'Mike'time. I hope to do it again.

2006-01-15T10:05:00.000-08:00

AS I blog, there is a sermon going on right now in my church. I am sure it is a great sermon, but I do not need teaching right now. I need God in a different way, but I am not sure exactly how it looks, who am I to define if, when, and how He meets me.

This weekend I went from Mike who is hurting and impatient with things, that include my arm, and other things to Mike who is angry with other things. Things include 3 students leaving youth group to hang out at someone's house during Bible Study and serving to help a family. Do i ignore it, forget it, get angry at it. Is our program and Bible Study not good enough, not engaging, or God focussed? Are our programs like involving students to be able to bless a family that needs help, or our other things like wheel chair basket ball, etc not unique enough, fun enough, meaningful enough? Am I not discipling these particular students so that they may even care about the 'group'. I must do something, because the attitude is actually spreading, and the one who used to leave, now brings with him 2 or 3. They can't say what it was like and why they left, becasue tehy left before all that stuff happened. And then, I yield the yoputh room during sunday school hour to the sr. high, because their normal leader is out for a few weekends. I want to make them comfortable, give them a menaingful Bible Study, make it worth their time, and then all the guys in teh group leave for Tim Horton's instead. coming back just before the end. I expressed my thoughts to those guys and the displeasure and distrust created by their action. I also told them that their actions will most certainly result in at least one nasty phone call from their parents, if not more. In a week where I wanted to dream about what Jr high retreat could be, I will instead be watching the phone, waiting to be yelled at, once again.

All of this is in the context of a time when I long to just cry out to God for help amidst struggles and failings of my own, between me and Him, but I can't, because the time is too costly, because I am too busy getting mad a those who are bad, trying to connect those who don't feel connected, cover areas that were not my responsibility, and think how I will find time to clean my office again and iron my shirts, as three people commented on that today(the shirts, I mean, the office is just a running joke I guess).

Responses could include delegating, discipling more, visioning more, I am not sure. I know it is foolish to focus on what I can do, and not God, but who am I to define if, when, and how He intervenes. ( I have learned that lesson the past 8 months)

If you have read this far, I am really sorry I ahve picked a bad year to start blogging, but I needed to say something, cause I don't know how to handle these things any more, and want advice, or a change. Sometimes I think maybe this surgery, if all does not go well during the procedure, could be a great time to change, but I don't want to think that. I want to dwell on the wonder of beign a part of two baptisms, and really life change, but I should clean my office an2d iron my shirts, control the thigs I can, and blog about the rest. Thanks for reading. Maybe now you can see a picture of the old Mike, pre-arm stuff, I think I could handle this stuff better. I should rely on God and not what I can do, but the service is wrapping up, adn people need me, for forms, instructions, encouragement, etc.

Mike

2006-01-12T19:05:00.000-08:00

Well, bright side, I get a break from physio till next surgery, then break is over. Those are the words of my physio. I really hope she gets to be on case after second surgery, no one has remained as diligent and dedicated to this as her, and i really appreciate it. It is probably a nice break for her too, lol. Anyways, i think i will ahve a few more hours in my week now, that is exciting, but it won;'t impact my blogging patterns, don't worry.

Mike

2006-01-10T16:30:00.000-08:00

Hi there, long time no blog... that has more to do with me than with you, so sorry.

So update on arm. Met with surgeon today, after sending him an e-mail basicl stating 'you ahve all teh info/reports/scans you will ever have, please let this be a meeting of action steps, not another useless consult. Well, action was taken. I am now on an urgent waiting list, lol, which could be right way, or up to 5 months. I have also put myself on call for cancellations, and could go on two hours notice any time after feb.18. I notified my employer today hat i will be taking no less than two weeks completelly off and more if needed, and that my post surgery healing and rehab would take not top but only priority in my life once it came time.

I pray every day about this, and ask that you would too, but kinda feel tha ti have had to push all this stuff through my self and make it happen without any help. I appreciate your support, and want God to work in this, but honestly don't 'feel' like He is really making anything supernatural, or even naturally reasonable (by Dr.'s definition) happen. That still frustrates me, and I hope this all is gone by summer so I can go on like I was before, I miss that Mike.

Thanks for reading.

Mike

2005-12-27T16:11:00.000-08:00

Bugs in the system...

All of my purchases for the last 40 hours or so have been directly related to dealing with virus's (sp) in me or my computer. Be it the excitement of the Dec. 27 door crasher for an external hard drive so I can restore my laptop, all because of a virus that won't leave, or the immodium, Pepto, and gingerale (which my loving wife taught me how to flatten in a hurry) for the virus inside me. I had less than a quarter plate of X-mas dinner, but am starting to feel better. I hope the same can be said for my cpu by the time i am done.

I have backed up every file I can think of separately on the hard drive, and then ran a 'back up in case of disaster' program that came with the hard drive. Now it is all done, and i am about to 'create a disaster'. (run the dreaded restore disk which wipes the slate completely clean and makes the computer like the day i bought it) (like Jesus for computers?) Well, hope all the back ups worked so I can return to blogging, e-mailing, and everything else in my life dependant upon this piece of Futureshop. (not sure spiritual illustration to that, if the restore is Jesus for the computer.)

alright, here I go...bye, buy, by

2005-12-17T11:11:00.000-08:00

So, let me continue my rants of personal greatness (deserving of at least a drink). At Cosco, Saturday noon, last shopping weekend before Christmas. How long did me and my fam wait in line? 4.5 minutes. We did not follow the pack that just clogged the isle on the way to check out, where average waiting times looked like 20 minutes or more. We took some back roads to approach check out from the other less direct side.

I am not saying this makes me a hero, but Cosco, Saturday before Christmas, 4.5 minutes? I will drink to that if someone will buy. Bye.

2005-12-15T08:57:00.000-08:00

The warrenty king is alive and well.

That would be me, if you did not know. (look for the picutres of me posed in futureshop for confiration)

I just took my car in for warrenty inspection at Wheaton Pontiac. The warrenty goes until 60,000 and I rolled into the garage at 59,996 km. Sure enough, they found stuff that needed fixing and was under warrenty.

Anything to save a buck when your the type of guy who has to buy his own drinks.

Mike

2005-12-13T18:37:00.000-08:00

'Mother, I hath been slain' Shakespear quote, I think...and how I feel upon finding out that infact that single blonde did not buy my drink, the server did not place my drink on the bill, by mistake. Not a gift, blessing, or otherwise, just a mistake that I have happened to benifit from. It is okay, I have all I can ask for in a beautiful wife and handsom son, both of whom love and need me, and the occational blunder of a server to encourage me falsely when I need it. Good night.

2005-12-12T06:28:00.000-08:00

So, last night a single blonde lady bought me a drink at the lounge I was at. hmmm. glad I was amoung friends.

Merry Christmas

2005-12-06T21:22:00.001-08:00

If a tree falls in a house, and all the decorations also fall off of it, but no one is in the house to hear it or kill the cat that knocked it over, does it really make a noise?

We (my wife) got in the festive spirit this weekend by putting up the tree and decorating it. We returned home once on Saturday to find it knocked down (by our stupid freakshow six-toed cat) and after dropping Amanda off at work, I returned home again to find it knocked down. I left it down for the night, not wanting to wake up to more frustration, but upon returning home one more time this weekend, not being able to see our lovely tree through the living room window as i drove up, I wondered how attached could the fam really be to a cat we have only had a few weeks.

I have stopped squirting her for this sin, but by the third time, just grabbed her, forced her face into the bent branches of our fallen formerly pagan symbol, and dumped the water on her head. I think she gets it, the tree has lasted over two days now. If only potty training was that easy...and I am not talking about for my cat (who would do that)

Mike

2005-11-24T09:59:00.000-08:00

The problem with going to fast...

Don't tell my loving and forgiving wife this story, who is the co-owner of the car that is part of this story.

Not sure if anyone is familar with teh massive speed bumps in the Preston Crossing parking lot, more like an almost over pass for pedestrians all around the lot. Anyways, on Tues, was in a rush to pick up stuff for Jr. High that night, and hit one of those ramps. For teh first time since I had my 86 Capri in a construction job, I bottomed out a car, it was not fun. The car is alright, but t was not to be repeated.

Another experience of bottoming out because of going to fast for too long happend hours before the below mentioned sermon. I was frustrated not so much at getting the sermon ready, but that there was very little transition time between my abundance of events that i run or speak at, etc, and even less leadership 'dream' time, which is needed to be an effective leader. In my bed, and at my desk, I prayed for hours asking God to do something dramatic enough to me that i would have a legitimate excuse for quitting, without it looking like I was quitting. (since sharing this with another friend, he said he once prayed for a heart attack so that he could quit the stress of ministry as well. not sure if they were serious or not) Anywasy, for the first time, I think I hit feelings much deeper than situational, cause I could see the end of the busyness for the day, but could not see the end of the feelings of just wanting out. I would be curious to know what one calls depression, or circumstancial. actually the question I asked myself was wondering if this was the beginning of what my former pastor felt shortly before he retired early after crashing from depression and anxiety.

The story ends with me remembering my up-bringing, that though this is a rare trait, I think, Bendel men go to work and get the job done regardless of how they are feeling. (never seen my dad use workers comp or sick time) I prayed for strength to go on, and apparently the sermon was alright, lol. I feel better now.

2005-11-21T07:21:00.000-08:00

What do you say to someone whenyou think you blew a sermon, and they come up to you afterwards and say 'that was a great message'? We have moved to two services, and the second time through the message went great, I felt up beat, awake, passionate. The first time through, I felt sleepy, scattered in thoughts, and just not able to get out of first gear. (for those reading this who can't drive standard, that is a bad thing)

I could respond 'thankyou', and leave it. I could say 'wow, if that was challenging to you, you have abviously missed some time with your bible this week', or say 'just mark the envelop 'pastor's sermon prep fund' and i will make the next one just as good. I just am ammused at comments after a sermon. My old pastor used to call it 'glorification of the worm' when we had to stand at the back and shake hands after a sermon and listen to 'good message' over and over again. Only thing is, he would also join me after my sermons to shake peoples hands. I gues that worm liked a bit of extra glory. I just want to hear how a persons spiritual life was impacted by it a week later, etc.

I am so lucky to be doing what i do, thank you God, i appreciate the call. Especially when the call display said Ebenezer Baptist Church 5 years ago, and not 'other small hick church in stonewall manitoba where you also applied at the same time.' I am a city kid, and even more so a true East sider. My wife assures me that I have lost my street fighting skills that we all gained attending Bedford. On the other hand, stonewall would not be so badd...if I am affraid of electricity, and they do not have any.

Later.

2005-11-08T00:36:00.000-08:00

Day 2: Not wanting to be ripped off by the deli again, we went to the $15.95/person lunch buffet. I was excited that I could eat all i wanted and pick exactly what I wanted. Bewildered at the area where food was said to be, I asked a Chateau native where the hot options where. She smiled at me, with a pity in her eyes, and informed me with great regret that this was only the lunch buffet, and that hot options would be available at the $18.95 supper buffet.

It then took embarrasingly long to cook my carrot sticks and cold bow-tie pasta in my mushroom soup, the only dish above room temperature. AS my soup lost it's precious heat, I requested a hot chocolate, knowing that tea and coffee were included. the same pity filled eyes informed me that hot chocolate would be extra. Realizing the cost of heat is probably quite high here, I declined, not wanting to ahve to award the Chateau another point. Still 1-0

2005-11-07T20:51:00.000-08:00

I am blogging stories from my adventures at the Chateau Lake Louis. Actually, I am not blogging on site because the internet rate is $13/day, which makes the sasktel monopoly look rather competetive.

So it is not that I feel I must battle the evil of jacked up prices at this establishment, it is just that I want to, so here I go...

Day 1: Today i took my beautiful blushing bride out for a nice lunch at the Chateau. $30 is a reasonable price for such a thing? Right? Until you discover that we went to the Deli, the cheapest place on site, where she had the soup and sandwich, and I enjoyed the cheapest thing on the menu, a lasagna combo that the server could not tell in it's prepackaged state was meat or vegi in nature. that was 11.95, haha, they won't get three fives from me in one sitting.

Then doing some simple math and reviewing the bill the next morning, I realize they charged us for two soup and sandwich meals, arggghhh. Chateau 1, Pastor Pepsi 0

2005-11-02T09:28:00.000-08:00

On a brighter note...

Yesterday, i was doing my Bible Reading on my Palm Pilot, and was reading in 1st Timothy 1 about spending endless hours on debatable issues and myths, ect. This promotes controversy, the NLT states 'they don't help people live a life of faith in God.' I have been thinking about often , and diiscussing with friends the issue of baptism, recently, which is in some respects a 'debatable issue' tha tleaves people hurt, angry, and frustrated. What I do know though, and what has helped me 'live a life of faith in God' this week has been being a part of a student's Choice to be baptized in obiedience to God this weekend. She was so excited after coming out of the water, gave me a huge hug, and knew that this was the Choice God wanted for her to make. That experience, amidst all my other struggles recently blogged about, reaffirmed that i love what I do and it is meaningful and powerful. My thanks to that girl who let me be a part of her faith journey. It meant more than any 'Pastor Apreciation Month' recognition that could come my way, lol
Mike
p.s. Another brother past away this weekend doing a similar baptism in Texas, and my heart goes out to his family, and reminds me of the first time I almost went to grab the mic while baptising, the only time my lead pastor has ever yelled at me, and I am thankful.

2005-11-01T08:27:00.000-08:00

So, the other week, while on supervision at a school I work at, I saw a gr. 4 student walking around the playgroun d with a rather large tree branch. This has been a problem in the past, even with kids hitting eachother with such branches, so I went over to him and instructed him to just put the branch down. He defended himself, claiming that he was trying to put it back (since when did tree grafting get taught at the elementary level). When I initially saw him, he was not of one purpose or direction in where he was going with the branch, so I doubted him, and told him just to put the branch down where he was and walk away. tHe look on his face as he walked away made me think one thing: did he feel like he got in trouble for trying to do something good, the right thing? Of course I was off to stop an insuing game of tackle football before I could see what he was really feeling.

Why do I tell you this? Cause in the last few months, I think i have the same expression on my face towards my omnipresent supervisor. I don't believe in self pity, but having come from a meeting with a surgeon who has advised me that a second surgery is imenent, for I am worse off than before my first surgery, I feel like doing what I thought was the will of God has gotten me in trouble, and not just a little. When I decided to ahve the surgery, I thought it was an act of trust and faith, believing in both the signs, advice, and senses in prayer that I sincerly thought were from God. This was no hasty decision, but more meditaiton and prayer was ut into it than anything else in my life. Now, I struggle to ahve enough hours in the day to serve the purpose God has called me to because of all the excercises, appointments and hours on the verge of giving up that I must face amidst my usually busy day. I feel like I am in this because I trusted God.

I do not doubt God's power, but wonder why i can see the pain, frustration, and endless effort of three surgeons, two massage therapists, and a physio in a pear tree, yet I can't see a blasted thing from the One whom I thought was leading me here. I believe God can cause good to come out of this, or anything else. hey, I am equiped with the many 'pat answers' that people have offered me, maybe when my interest in real counselling is gone, i will start using these with my students. I have learned some real thoughts on God and scripture as well, but is the tuition for this class a permanently screwed up arm and many lost hours and dollars I will never get back?

Though I feel I have given all i can to God in the last 5 years of service, I know God does not owe anything back to me, but let Him know tha tthis has changed the way i teach about following the 'will of God' forever. Infact, maybe Him and I will both agree that I should invite a guest speaker whenever that subject is taught. I know tha tif God so willed, my arm would be healed, but as I look out my window to the clouds, i wonder...will He?

I am more than upset, more than just tested, I am more than just a little angry, and will freely admit tha tthe only reason I am even here I am evne here to type this now is the desire to raise up my son well. Hmm, can't wait till graduation day.

p.s. I will not go back and edit for grammar and spelling, cause the content would make me ashamed. Instead, I focus on an orange button that says publish post...