Starting to unwind...

I am thankful for this chance to have a Sabbatical. I have actually been looking around overwelmed and amazed at what God does/may/will have for me as I slow down and focus on Him, but tonight I have decided to stop being overwelmed and just start.

Should I start with 'hello', or 'how are you', or 'how can I serve you?' Should I start in His Word, or on my knees, in songs of praise or in silence and awe?

I don't write this to demonstrate my inability to just start being with God. This page, now little read, I am sure, has always been a place of honesty, and that desire for me to grow deeper, sit with him, has been hindered by an overwelmed feeling of what it is like to think about Him, and what He has done in my life, and what He has given to me and doing in me.

Not sure how, but it is time to start, what ever that means. Pray for me. I am likely praying for you, (though I may not know more than the 2 I suspect still read this thing).

God has given me access to a great gift, and my fear of wasting it has stopped me from taking full advantage of it. Not any more.

Good night.

I remember once getting into a car accident in the midst of massive busyness and prep for a Mexico Missions Trip. It was minus 45 degrees, an the roads were solid Ice, and on 105th street, I tried to brake as the person in front of me tried to turn without signalling, and I slid, slow speed into their back end. It was not a big collision, but the temperature made the fibre glass brittle enough that both of our cars exploded with pieces in the air from our bumpers.

my first thought was...I just don't care, I don't have time to care, think about, or process what just happened. I did not think 'thanks for letting me live' or 'how am I going to sort this out'. It was just a very simple 'I don't care cause I don't have time to care'.

It is that memory that I think about when reflecting on this past YC weekend. There were some great challenges given to me, both by speakers, workshops, and actually the most profound thoughts occurred as God showed me something through my alter-ego, the one this blog is named after.

There are some things to process think about, and adjust my life to. But I don't know what yet, because I did not have time to process those things during the weekend. I was called by God to lead and facilitate a weekend that allowed for life change in the students. this does not negate my responsibility for life change when God spoke to me out there, but true change can take time, process, prayer, and it seemed like trying to do that in Edmonton would not allow me to order supper for trip home, call bus driver to let him know details of where we were really at in schedule, chase someone who repeatedly tried to separate from the group, take someone to the hospital with a third Asma attack, and find someone who thought my rule of main sessions and concerts together was more of a suggestion.

I loved the weekend, I love those youth and the sponsors who teamed up with me. I especially love the God who called us out there, and then worked on us once we made it there. i am just reflecting on the reality that the questions and thoughts that God gave me, or in some cases, maybe just speakers gave me, are still raw, unprocessed, and unresponded to. is that a bad thing? Do I have my priorities wrong? or is it just a reality of the timing, and I just need to have the discipline to come back to those thoughts and walk through them.

That time to process is coming, and this year will be in a large helping, thanks be to God. I love what God has called me to.

Continue reading as I process those thoughts on this site.

Mike

To speak, or not to speak? That is the question.

Some book I read once stated that we are called to speak the truth in love to each other. Yet, really, we operate in a world where it is more acceptable to just mind your own business. It is actually easier to live that way too. What am I to do when even the people I might speak to would rather I don't.

This is not a spur of the moment blog or moaning about life right now necessarily. This is somehting I have been wrestling witha dn thinking about for 2 years, and i want to figure out what it means to be a godly man in this way now. REgarding the small groups, and ministries I lead, I have to beleive that God can change lives there, or wahts the point of doing them? What's the point of christian commumity if 'mind your own business' or 'it is easier to not talk about it' is the M.O. (did I use that law adn order term right?)

I agree that aperson should not go opoen season on every hurtful topic in public, under the cover of christian acocuntablity, but the status quo of lets just leave it no longer fits with me any more. I believe that we use sensitivity and tolerance as a clever disguise for 'I don't know what to say, I fear the cost if i do say something, or I care, but don't have time to face this with you right now'. I am guilty of all of those, adn I have sense things get worse or blow up completely because no caring person around saws what needs to be said.

I am guessing that if we reflect, there is more times I regret not saying something than saying something. Let me ask you, if anyone reads this, lol, do you ahv emore regrets about saying something or not saying something. has it been a bigger crime to open your big mouth (i mean that in the nicest posible way) or mind your own business (also in the nicest posible way). I would love your thoughts, experiences, and input into the balance and results here on this topic.

Thanks for reading, double thanks for a reply, and triple thanks to the youngest person I would call 'close to me' who recognized the toll that some if this is taking on me and asked if I wanted a bit of a break from other responsibilities. Your friendship and maturity astound me, and bless me.
Have a good day y'all!

Naturally?

I don't think I am overly hard on myself about my abilities or anything, but I have made one observation, i think.

Nothing comes naturally to me. I thought about this at dance last night. We are working on stuff for a performance dance team, and I thought I was a pretty good dancer, and still think I am, but I have to work so hard at it to get it, where as others just get it. Same with water skiing or a musical instrument. I am a good skier, on tricks, but every trick comes with a high price of hours of work and hard falls. my coach has stated that once I get a trick, it is perfect for good, but it takes so much to get it. Same with the Sax, or guitar. On the sax, I played 3 hours a day for 6 months to get into the U of S College of Music. I got i, but it was tough. On guitar, I have stayed at the same level for years, because I dont have time o play every day. And knowing that it doesn't come naturally, i know i will not improve in my ability unless I quit my day job (not going to happen).

Even keeping this blog going does not come naturally to me.

What about you? What do you think. What comes easily to you?