Poured out like a drink offering
What we can afford?
So, frustrating moment yesterday. i have 'afforded' myself some time, occationally this last few weeks, to walk down a bit of a spiritual adventure, an internal journey with external tangents, but it can't be done half hearted. On friday, I was reminded, by events,etc. that I can't afford that time. That makes me angry.
I hear of a a pair of friends, a couple who plan on taking a year off of any ministry for the first year of their marriage. Lol, bless their hearts (and bonus for telling me who usually says that and what she means by that)
I hope to get back on this journey, and not become bitter about not being able to. An easier option would be that I never journeyed there at all, but that is no longer an option. Neither is affording the time in this season of life to go there, though, as this weeks events reminded me. Maybe summer? Just found out I am eligible for sebaticle in 15 months, but probably can't take it for 26 months, bless my heart. Maybe then.
But I don't like to focus on the time I don't have. Rather I should try to focus what I do have, even more, I guess.
On a brighter note, this post seems to be very well proof-read other than one word I am not sure how to spell.
Have a good weekend!
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
Poured out like a drink offering
Childhood?
Last night, while finishing assembly of a new fort/slide/swing set for jake in the back ayrd (who knew it was a landscaping job, not just assembly), I heard someting from another yard, across the fence.
They were running aroudn with a cap gun, and tlaking out scripts i could recognize, like 'how oon can you ahve this tested in the lab'? and one of the kids was singing 'who are you, who who?' while they ran around.
Two questions..cna u figure out what hthey were playing?
and can you tell me what the equivilant would have been when we were kids?
good luck
Mike
Childhood?
Last night, while finishing assembly of a new fort/slide/swing set for jake in the back ayrd (who knew it was a landscaping job, not just assembly), I heard someting from another yard, across the fence.
They were running aroudn with a cap gun, and tlaking out scripts i could recognize, like 'how oon can you ahve this tested in the lab'? and one of the kids was singing 'who are you, who who?' while they ran around.
Two questions..cna u figure out what hthey were playing?
and can you tell me what the equivilant would have been when we were kids?
good luck
Mike
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
Poured out like a drink offering
Hello again, old friend.
Sorry i missed our Easter Date. I would like to start blogging again. I think I will, but the time away gave me whole new perspectives. i ahve no clue what God is doing, or if it is he doing it, or i that is assumptions that pastors make, but life is really interesting and intense, more inside than out, but whatever.
It makes me value or cherish true authenticity even more, and i find myself asking about the place of blogging in all that, cause i know that there are limits to authenticity available on a blog, becasue of teh nature of, well, the WWW.
Anyways, this is cool, and it has it's palce, so Pastor Pepsi rides again.
So, my thought for the day, I hate leaders who can't apologize. You confront them on soemthing, they redirect it, or deflect it, or whatever. I am not even sure I am willing to call them leaders if that is the case. I know that sounds udgemental, but this blog only has use to me if i can type raw thoughts to, so there it is.
Have a nice day. lol, and dont forget to appologize when needed.
Mike
(interested to see how long before there are actual readers again, lol
Hello again, old friend.
Sorry i missed our Easter Date. I would like to start blogging again. I think I will, but the time away gave me whole new perspectives. i ahve no clue what God is doing, or if it is he doing it, or i that is assumptions that pastors make, but life is really interesting and intense, more inside than out, but whatever.
It makes me value or cherish true authenticity even more, and i find myself asking about the place of blogging in all that, cause i know that there are limits to authenticity available on a blog, becasue of teh nature of, well, the WWW.
Anyways, this is cool, and it has it's palce, so Pastor Pepsi rides again.
So, my thought for the day, I hate leaders who can't apologize. You confront them on soemthing, they redirect it, or deflect it, or whatever. I am not even sure I am willing to call them leaders if that is the case. I know that sounds udgemental, but this blog only has use to me if i can type raw thoughts to, so there it is.
Have a nice day. lol, and dont forget to appologize when needed.
Mike
(interested to see how long before there are actual readers again, lol
Friday, March 10, 2006
The end of a Bad Relationship?
No, but I will sure make it sound that way.
I am going to take a break from blogging (or already have) for a bit. no, blogging is not bad, (it's not you, it's me), bu I am using Lent as a time to seek balance and answers and direction in my life, but I don't know how to do that any more, so I am trying diffeent things. This is not goodbye, just a break, lol. I did not 'lent' blogging, just trying to find how I should be relying on God, and people, and what the balance is there. I find myself in a cycle which ends in me disapointed in God or people, or people and God being disapointed in me. As I ponder what to blog, I often reflect on struggles that are still just as big as thefirst time I blogged about them, but do not want to blog again about them. Like I said, trying to learn where to lean and how to get through everything right now. I will be back, you don't have to wait for me, but i would love it if you did.
Let's set a date for Easter Sunday being our next time together. It still may be sooner than some of us will blog without 'the break', and I may give sponsors my password to post photos of body parts and how they await the next post, but until Easter, the Official Pastor Pepsi is blog free.
(this does not mean I won't share thing swith the friends who read my blog, just trying to find balalnce.)
Mike
No, but I will sure make it sound that way.
I am going to take a break from blogging (or already have) for a bit. no, blogging is not bad, (it's not you, it's me), bu I am using Lent as a time to seek balance and answers and direction in my life, but I don't know how to do that any more, so I am trying diffeent things. This is not goodbye, just a break, lol. I did not 'lent' blogging, just trying to find how I should be relying on God, and people, and what the balance is there. I find myself in a cycle which ends in me disapointed in God or people, or people and God being disapointed in me. As I ponder what to blog, I often reflect on struggles that are still just as big as thefirst time I blogged about them, but do not want to blog again about them. Like I said, trying to learn where to lean and how to get through everything right now. I will be back, you don't have to wait for me, but i would love it if you did.
Let's set a date for Easter Sunday being our next time together. It still may be sooner than some of us will blog without 'the break', and I may give sponsors my password to post photos of body parts and how they await the next post, but until Easter, the Official Pastor Pepsi is blog free.
(this does not mean I won't share thing swith the friends who read my blog, just trying to find balalnce.)
Mike
Friday, March 03, 2006
So, today I had my first physio in a long time, and it was good. Just the act of someone trying to help, and monitoring the situation, so I don't feel on my own in this was nice.
does anyone remember that great amchine I talked about once, called a CPM, that would keep ,my arm moving after surgery? Well, it is great, and the hospital has lost it. Very expensive equipment, and my physio says they can't locate it. Lol. She tryng very hard to find it before surgery (no rush, lol), but she is as surprised as me that they lost this big piece of medical equipment. Well, hope they find it if it is one of the things that will make the difference second time through. Bye.
Mike
does anyone remember that great amchine I talked about once, called a CPM, that would keep ,my arm moving after surgery? Well, it is great, and the hospital has lost it. Very expensive equipment, and my physio says they can't locate it. Lol. She tryng very hard to find it before surgery (no rush, lol), but she is as surprised as me that they lost this big piece of medical equipment. Well, hope they find it if it is one of the things that will make the difference second time through. Bye.
Mike
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
More blast from the past stuff.
Last thursday, I met someone at the church during C and C who I went to my old church, FBC, with. We were good friends there, worked together on stuff, ministered together at camp, etc. So it was great to catch p with her until she informed me that my old camp director, Rob, had split up with his wife, and was now living in the city with his two boys, but not his wife. I would like to catch up with him, but have not talked in 3 years, because of busyness, etc. I don't want to seem like the only reason I want to talk is because of his 'tragedy.' Is that rude to call him now?
It is emensely discouraging for me to hear that my mentor,the guy who pulled me aside in grade 12, let me counsel, next year taught me to program direct and gave me the job, next year Jr. Staff co-prdinator, next year speaker, basically holding my hand till the day I arrived at Ebenezer, is now not with his wife. This months after finding out that Amanda's old pastor, the guy who married us, has had a moral failing and though they are together, have lots of problems as a result.
Anyways, that is the next blast from the past.
Mike
Last thursday, I met someone at the church during C and C who I went to my old church, FBC, with. We were good friends there, worked together on stuff, ministered together at camp, etc. So it was great to catch p with her until she informed me that my old camp director, Rob, had split up with his wife, and was now living in the city with his two boys, but not his wife. I would like to catch up with him, but have not talked in 3 years, because of busyness, etc. I don't want to seem like the only reason I want to talk is because of his 'tragedy.' Is that rude to call him now?
It is emensely discouraging for me to hear that my mentor,the guy who pulled me aside in grade 12, let me counsel, next year taught me to program direct and gave me the job, next year Jr. Staff co-prdinator, next year speaker, basically holding my hand till the day I arrived at Ebenezer, is now not with his wife. This months after finding out that Amanda's old pastor, the guy who married us, has had a moral failing and though they are together, have lots of problems as a result.
Anyways, that is the next blast from the past.
Mike
Friday, February 24, 2006
Poured out like a drink offering
Extra Strength?
So it has happened, my body has changed, I ahve become what I spent 9 years trying not to. I now must take two extra strength Tylenol to get back to sleep at night, after waking from neck pain. I have spent the better part of my life using drugs sparingly, so that when you need them, for real, they work, and work well right now. Children's tylenol used to make me drowsy, like ony 3 years ago, and one regular strength anything would take care of the problem and any sleep needs for a few hours.
I liked that because many people around me all through high school and beyond pop pills for every little headache, as uposed to stretching out the tension, changing lifestyle, or toughing it out. Many of those same people do not experience the same relief I used to from one of anything, even a sniff of nyquill from the cap.
Anyways, i am no doctor, but I have now joined what I call the pain killer arms race, where the pain doesn't get worse, but your body's response to the help does. At superstore, you can't even buy regular strength anything as far as pain killers go. The whole shelf was either extra strength, or now 'super strength'. Yay, let's turn it up another notch.
Extra Strength?
So it has happened, my body has changed, I ahve become what I spent 9 years trying not to. I now must take two extra strength Tylenol to get back to sleep at night, after waking from neck pain. I have spent the better part of my life using drugs sparingly, so that when you need them, for real, they work, and work well right now. Children's tylenol used to make me drowsy, like ony 3 years ago, and one regular strength anything would take care of the problem and any sleep needs for a few hours.
I liked that because many people around me all through high school and beyond pop pills for every little headache, as uposed to stretching out the tension, changing lifestyle, or toughing it out. Many of those same people do not experience the same relief I used to from one of anything, even a sniff of nyquill from the cap.
Anyways, i am no doctor, but I have now joined what I call the pain killer arms race, where the pain doesn't get worse, but your body's response to the help does. At superstore, you can't even buy regular strength anything as far as pain killers go. The whole shelf was either extra strength, or now 'super strength'. Yay, let's turn it up another notch.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Wow, lots of things to blog about, but I will limit it nd add tomorrow.
Blasts from the pasts...(pasts is spelled as I intended it, no spelling error in my eyes)
So this morning, as I was in Canadian Tire, I ran into an old employee of my dad's from construction years ago. I guess technically he was my employee since everything was in my name, and he always called me boss.He was in his early 60's back then, probably later now, and had a great work ethic. He worked harder than all the young punks who would show up, work 3 days, and try to claim workers comp, at which my dad would inform WCB that the person could not ahve worked hard enough to get hurt in any way.
Lou (older gent) was great at letting me try new stuff. He taught me how to weld, how to drive the zoom boom fork lifts well, and many other skills that come up often in my current position. Not everyone around me took the time to show me stuff like Lou did. He taught me to work on cars a bit, and he 'restored' my first car, the 86' Capri to original Jalepinio (sp) red paint, and great looking body.
Thanks Lou, for all you taught me. He respected me as boss, and treated me like a friend, maybe even a son. I learned from his many years of experience, but never once heard him talk back to me regarding any instructions 'from the top'. We had a short conversation in passing, but his impact on me will continue for years, as I strive to do whatever job I am doing well.
Blasts from the pasts...(pasts is spelled as I intended it, no spelling error in my eyes)
So this morning, as I was in Canadian Tire, I ran into an old employee of my dad's from construction years ago. I guess technically he was my employee since everything was in my name, and he always called me boss.He was in his early 60's back then, probably later now, and had a great work ethic. He worked harder than all the young punks who would show up, work 3 days, and try to claim workers comp, at which my dad would inform WCB that the person could not ahve worked hard enough to get hurt in any way.
Lou (older gent) was great at letting me try new stuff. He taught me how to weld, how to drive the zoom boom fork lifts well, and many other skills that come up often in my current position. Not everyone around me took the time to show me stuff like Lou did. He taught me to work on cars a bit, and he 'restored' my first car, the 86' Capri to original Jalepinio (sp) red paint, and great looking body.
Thanks Lou, for all you taught me. He respected me as boss, and treated me like a friend, maybe even a son. I learned from his many years of experience, but never once heard him talk back to me regarding any instructions 'from the top'. We had a short conversation in passing, but his impact on me will continue for years, as I strive to do whatever job I am doing well.
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
YC Alberta...
I just finished registering 33 names for Youth Conference. They sell about 12000 seats of 16000 available in the first day. I fought to get in quickly once the web site openned registration, and was in in 12 minutes. Pretty good, and though many of my first choice seats were gone, we still got pretty good seats, I feel. it was so stressful, cause the seats you want disapear off the screen before you can click on them. It is like a video game.
I am confident I did the best we could, dedicating my whole morning to being ready to order online, but I still ahve this feeling inside that some kid will complain that we are not on the floor or lower level,etc, not understanding what those 12 minutes of fighting for spots was like.
Anyways, that's my post.
Mike
Happy to have YC tickets,
I just finished registering 33 names for Youth Conference. They sell about 12000 seats of 16000 available in the first day. I fought to get in quickly once the web site openned registration, and was in in 12 minutes. Pretty good, and though many of my first choice seats were gone, we still got pretty good seats, I feel. it was so stressful, cause the seats you want disapear off the screen before you can click on them. It is like a video game.
I am confident I did the best we could, dedicating my whole morning to being ready to order online, but I still ahve this feeling inside that some kid will complain that we are not on the floor or lower level,etc, not understanding what those 12 minutes of fighting for spots was like.
Anyways, that's my post.
Mike
Happy to have YC tickets,
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Poured out like a drink offering
A good fiend of mine bought me a shirt yesterday. Very thankful, think I will wear it this Sunday. Reading the tags, it says 'resists wrinkles', lol. Game on! Let's see it resist wrinkles under my care!
A good fiend of mine bought me a shirt yesterday. Very thankful, think I will wear it this Sunday. Reading the tags, it says 'resists wrinkles', lol. Game on! Let's see it resist wrinkles under my care!
Friday, February 17, 2006
21 signature salute. that is what it took to finallize moving into Silverpring. Moving away from a community that controls you by condo act. Moving walking distance to work, witrh a great back yard for Jake. Yeah. soon, very soon. But my hand is sore from signing stuff. my brain is tired from trying to understand what I was signing. It felt like the 'shell game' magic trick, with my money under one of the shells, only there were more than 3 shells.
Anyways, going to see the new house.
Mike
Anyways, going to see the new house.
Mike
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Poured out like a drink offering
Had 15 minutes of just worship through song/guitar to start my day (no one else in office) and it was great. Have to do it again some time. Anyone else ever tried that at work? Honestly, though, i just felt better, starting with that than just jumping right in.
Mike
Had 15 minutes of just worship through song/guitar to start my day (no one else in office) and it was great. Have to do it again some time. Anyone else ever tried that at work? Honestly, though, i just felt better, starting with that than just jumping right in.
Mike
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Expectations, clarifications, and affirmations.
Today, I met my new boss. Ever done that? I respect him, and agree with and appreciate all he had to say. Some was possitive, some was suggestions, some were suggestions with teeth.
With the help of a good friend I have invited to do so, and no feedback from the rest of the peanut gallery, I will meet these expectations. I will maintain my career, which is more a calling, but still a profession which I have worked very hard to be qualified to do. Maintaining these expectations, and suggestions with teeth, will cost, but I will pay the price. Hopefully it does not change me too much, but I will pay the price, I will maintain this career that God gave me, and I am called to.
Can someone please teach me to iron? Don't repy generally, tell me when, and I will be there with a note pad and apron.
Mike
Today, I met my new boss. Ever done that? I respect him, and agree with and appreciate all he had to say. Some was possitive, some was suggestions, some were suggestions with teeth.
With the help of a good friend I have invited to do so, and no feedback from the rest of the peanut gallery, I will meet these expectations. I will maintain my career, which is more a calling, but still a profession which I have worked very hard to be qualified to do. Maintaining these expectations, and suggestions with teeth, will cost, but I will pay the price. Hopefully it does not change me too much, but I will pay the price, I will maintain this career that God gave me, and I am called to.
Can someone please teach me to iron? Don't repy generally, tell me when, and I will be there with a note pad and apron.
Mike
Hi there. This last week, I understnad a bit more of scripture. Jessu talks about coming for the sick, or the sick needing a doctor. Well, as of recent, our youh ministry is seeing more 'sick' who need a doctor, those who know they need Jesus. It is an interesting contrast between them and those who have taken 'Jesus' for granted. I hear of one who has walked 2 hours to get to youth, in the winter, or church, and think to myself, how does this line up with those who would skip based on personal preferences, even though they have a ride, and support from their parents. Anyways, ...
Friday, February 03, 2006
Alright, blog 2 days in a row...!
So, had my back scanned by a polititian I disagree with severly. i did not go for a political discussion, just further assessment of why I hurt except when I take ibuprofen, and the hurt is getting worse again. He did this bakc scan thing, which was very cool. It measured differences in temperature from one side of the spine to the other (variation = inflamation) and also measured electrical nerve activitiy all down the back, and compared it to normal numbers. (extra electrical nerve activity means pain, and nerves that do not communicate freely and effectively. (wonder if we should get all our personal relationships scanned by same machine)
Though many would not agree with Jimmy's view of Native Affairs in Canada, his little scanny thing proved exactly the areas that kill me lots (i speak good) and the degree of agrivation in those areas. I actually want to post the images, except that it would be wierd to post personal medical information, but it is available to show if it arrises in discussion...lol. I think we should all go there and get our backs scanned and compare, like trading cards maybe?
Just another tool as the team of people who try to help me, well, try to help me.
Thankyou Mr. Pankiw (that rhymes!)
Mike
So, had my back scanned by a polititian I disagree with severly. i did not go for a political discussion, just further assessment of why I hurt except when I take ibuprofen, and the hurt is getting worse again. He did this bakc scan thing, which was very cool. It measured differences in temperature from one side of the spine to the other (variation = inflamation) and also measured electrical nerve activitiy all down the back, and compared it to normal numbers. (extra electrical nerve activity means pain, and nerves that do not communicate freely and effectively. (wonder if we should get all our personal relationships scanned by same machine)
Though many would not agree with Jimmy's view of Native Affairs in Canada, his little scanny thing proved exactly the areas that kill me lots (i speak good) and the degree of agrivation in those areas. I actually want to post the images, except that it would be wierd to post personal medical information, but it is available to show if it arrises in discussion...lol. I think we should all go there and get our backs scanned and compare, like trading cards maybe?
Just another tool as the team of people who try to help me, well, try to help me.
Thankyou Mr. Pankiw (that rhymes!)
Mike
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Poured out like a drink offering
Like a long lost friend...
I blog again: Robyn, do you want my password?
Well, two things to blog about, I will start with the small and unimportant. The deal, as of last night, on selling our house is officially closed, thus closing the deal on the new houe too. Now we are juggling possession dates and stuff, what is best for moving, vs. what the other parties will accept. If you are reading this blog, you are likely close enough a friend that you will be called on for that big day of moving, but for your services, I give you all first crack at the jetted tub.
Second..I will blog about tomorrow, thus seeming to blog more often. Buh bye
Like a long lost friend...
I blog again: Robyn, do you want my password?
Well, two things to blog about, I will start with the small and unimportant. The deal, as of last night, on selling our house is officially closed, thus closing the deal on the new houe too. Now we are juggling possession dates and stuff, what is best for moving, vs. what the other parties will accept. If you are reading this blog, you are likely close enough a friend that you will be called on for that big day of moving, but for your services, I give you all first crack at the jetted tub.
Second..I will blog about tomorrow, thus seeming to blog more often. Buh bye
Friday, January 20, 2006
Voices in my head?
Not quite, but close. I can hear the distinct sound of my girly cell phone ring in my ears constantly. It is much different than when you have 'a song in your head', even one you don't want in your head. This, I am not thinking about, at all, but I can still physically hear it. I am sure it is related to my recent days like yesterday, where I had between 21 and 26 phone calls on my cell alone before 2 p.m. Those are all incoming calls. (verify this number with my friend Robyn who heard many of them during my meeting with her, where she probably thought I would pay attention to what she was saying at the meeting, silly assumption.)
Anyways, does anyone know if there is a scientific thing where the hairs that pick up sounds on your ear drum can continue resonating a particular sound that it has heard far too much? I guess what i am doing here is openning up discussion for you all: topic, my hairy ears.
oops, gtg, I think I hear my cell phone.
Mike
Not quite, but close. I can hear the distinct sound of my girly cell phone ring in my ears constantly. It is much different than when you have 'a song in your head', even one you don't want in your head. This, I am not thinking about, at all, but I can still physically hear it. I am sure it is related to my recent days like yesterday, where I had between 21 and 26 phone calls on my cell alone before 2 p.m. Those are all incoming calls. (verify this number with my friend Robyn who heard many of them during my meeting with her, where she probably thought I would pay attention to what she was saying at the meeting, silly assumption.)
Anyways, does anyone know if there is a scientific thing where the hairs that pick up sounds on your ear drum can continue resonating a particular sound that it has heard far too much? I guess what i am doing here is openning up discussion for you all: topic, my hairy ears.
oops, gtg, I think I hear my cell phone.
Mike
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Poured out like a drink offering
Much better on Monday. I have got some great blisters that make it very hard to type right now, but symbolize playing 3 hours of slide blues guitar along with my hero, on CD, colin james. It felt great, I am sur that is the first time in a long time I have had that much 'Mike'time. I hope to do it again.
Much better on Monday. I have got some great blisters that make it very hard to type right now, but symbolize playing 3 hours of slide blues guitar along with my hero, on CD, colin james. It felt great, I am sur that is the first time in a long time I have had that much 'Mike'time. I hope to do it again.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
AS I blog, there is a sermon going on right now in my church. I am sure it is a great sermon, but I do not need teaching right now. I need God in a different way, but I am not sure exactly how it looks, who am I to define if, when, and how He meets me.
This weekend I went from Mike who is hurting and impatient with things, that include my arm, and other things to Mike who is angry with other things. Things include 3 students leaving youth group to hang out at someone's house during Bible Study and serving to help a family. Do i ignore it, forget it, get angry at it. Is our program and Bible Study not good enough, not engaging, or God focussed? Are our programs like involving students to be able to bless a family that needs help, or our other things like wheel chair basket ball, etc not unique enough, fun enough, meaningful enough? Am I not discipling these particular students so that they may even care about the 'group'. I must do something, because the attitude is actually spreading, and the one who used to leave, now brings with him 2 or 3. They can't say what it was like and why they left, becasue tehy left before all that stuff happened. And then, I yield the yoputh room during sunday school hour to the sr. high, because their normal leader is out for a few weekends. I want to make them comfortable, give them a menaingful Bible Study, make it worth their time, and then all the guys in teh group leave for Tim Horton's instead. coming back just before the end. I expressed my thoughts to those guys and the displeasure and distrust created by their action. I also told them that their actions will most certainly result in at least one nasty phone call from their parents, if not more. In a week where I wanted to dream about what Jr high retreat could be, I will instead be watching the phone, waiting to be yelled at, once again.
All of this is in the context of a time when I long to just cry out to God for help amidst struggles and failings of my own, between me and Him, but I can't, because the time is too costly, because I am too busy getting mad a those who are bad, trying to connect those who don't feel connected, cover areas that were not my responsibility, and think how I will find time to clean my office again and iron my shirts, as three people commented on that today(the shirts, I mean, the office is just a running joke I guess).
Responses could include delegating, discipling more, visioning more, I am not sure. I know it is foolish to focus on what I can do, and not God, but who am I to define if, when, and how He intervenes. ( I have learned that lesson the past 8 months)
If you have read this far, I am really sorry I ahve picked a bad year to start blogging, but I needed to say something, cause I don't know how to handle these things any more, and want advice, or a change. Sometimes I think maybe this surgery, if all does not go well during the procedure, could be a great time to change, but I don't want to think that. I want to dwell on the wonder of beign a part of two baptisms, and really life change, but I should clean my office an2d iron my shirts, control the thigs I can, and blog about the rest. Thanks for reading. Maybe now you can see a picture of the old Mike, pre-arm stuff, I think I could handle this stuff better. I should rely on God and not what I can do, but the service is wrapping up, adn people need me, for forms, instructions, encouragement, etc.
Mike
This weekend I went from Mike who is hurting and impatient with things, that include my arm, and other things to Mike who is angry with other things. Things include 3 students leaving youth group to hang out at someone's house during Bible Study and serving to help a family. Do i ignore it, forget it, get angry at it. Is our program and Bible Study not good enough, not engaging, or God focussed? Are our programs like involving students to be able to bless a family that needs help, or our other things like wheel chair basket ball, etc not unique enough, fun enough, meaningful enough? Am I not discipling these particular students so that they may even care about the 'group'. I must do something, because the attitude is actually spreading, and the one who used to leave, now brings with him 2 or 3. They can't say what it was like and why they left, becasue tehy left before all that stuff happened. And then, I yield the yoputh room during sunday school hour to the sr. high, because their normal leader is out for a few weekends. I want to make them comfortable, give them a menaingful Bible Study, make it worth their time, and then all the guys in teh group leave for Tim Horton's instead. coming back just before the end. I expressed my thoughts to those guys and the displeasure and distrust created by their action. I also told them that their actions will most certainly result in at least one nasty phone call from their parents, if not more. In a week where I wanted to dream about what Jr high retreat could be, I will instead be watching the phone, waiting to be yelled at, once again.
All of this is in the context of a time when I long to just cry out to God for help amidst struggles and failings of my own, between me and Him, but I can't, because the time is too costly, because I am too busy getting mad a those who are bad, trying to connect those who don't feel connected, cover areas that were not my responsibility, and think how I will find time to clean my office again and iron my shirts, as three people commented on that today(the shirts, I mean, the office is just a running joke I guess).
Responses could include delegating, discipling more, visioning more, I am not sure. I know it is foolish to focus on what I can do, and not God, but who am I to define if, when, and how He intervenes. ( I have learned that lesson the past 8 months)
If you have read this far, I am really sorry I ahve picked a bad year to start blogging, but I needed to say something, cause I don't know how to handle these things any more, and want advice, or a change. Sometimes I think maybe this surgery, if all does not go well during the procedure, could be a great time to change, but I don't want to think that. I want to dwell on the wonder of beign a part of two baptisms, and really life change, but I should clean my office an2d iron my shirts, control the thigs I can, and blog about the rest. Thanks for reading. Maybe now you can see a picture of the old Mike, pre-arm stuff, I think I could handle this stuff better. I should rely on God and not what I can do, but the service is wrapping up, adn people need me, for forms, instructions, encouragement, etc.
Mike
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