Saturday, March 28, 2009

I learned somehting about myself this year.

I try to hard to make people do things that they don't want to do. I call it caring, but i am not sure that is the right way to care any more. Now that I see what i am doing, I am able to stop it, see it while it is going on, even before it happens, but the desire is still there. The desire is there, I tell myself, comes from being passionate about the abundant life, in all areas of life. But am i just a control freak, telling others how to live their life? I dunno.

Anyways, it is too much now, so I have stopped. if there are leaderhsip standards that must be met by those who want to lead with me, I will humbly state them, live them, give grace, and act when the leadership standard needs to be enforced lovingly. but I wont tell people how to live. If there is a person whom i saw with potential in them, and invested accordingly, but then realized they were not making choices to allow for potential, then I will tell them, honestly, lovingly, and then no more. Not cut them loose, but not tell them how to live either.

i am so tired tonight, so scared of how i ahve not done well. Scared what I do wont count for much in the end, in the eternal. I know God is faithful, and I know he is loving and accepts me, I just am struggling with my methods and motives, after seeing some of the outcome.

Hmmm,