Voices in my head?
Not quite, but close. I can hear the distinct sound of my girly cell phone ring in my ears constantly. It is much different than when you have 'a song in your head', even one you don't want in your head. This, I am not thinking about, at all, but I can still physically hear it. I am sure it is related to my recent days like yesterday, where I had between 21 and 26 phone calls on my cell alone before 2 p.m. Those are all incoming calls. (verify this number with my friend Robyn who heard many of them during my meeting with her, where she probably thought I would pay attention to what she was saying at the meeting, silly assumption.)
Anyways, does anyone know if there is a scientific thing where the hairs that pick up sounds on your ear drum can continue resonating a particular sound that it has heard far too much? I guess what i am doing here is openning up discussion for you all: topic, my hairy ears.
oops, gtg, I think I hear my cell phone.
Mike
Friday, January 20, 2006
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
Poured out like a drink offering
Much better on Monday. I have got some great blisters that make it very hard to type right now, but symbolize playing 3 hours of slide blues guitar along with my hero, on CD, colin james. It felt great, I am sur that is the first time in a long time I have had that much 'Mike'time. I hope to do it again.
Much better on Monday. I have got some great blisters that make it very hard to type right now, but symbolize playing 3 hours of slide blues guitar along with my hero, on CD, colin james. It felt great, I am sur that is the first time in a long time I have had that much 'Mike'time. I hope to do it again.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
AS I blog, there is a sermon going on right now in my church. I am sure it is a great sermon, but I do not need teaching right now. I need God in a different way, but I am not sure exactly how it looks, who am I to define if, when, and how He meets me.
This weekend I went from Mike who is hurting and impatient with things, that include my arm, and other things to Mike who is angry with other things. Things include 3 students leaving youth group to hang out at someone's house during Bible Study and serving to help a family. Do i ignore it, forget it, get angry at it. Is our program and Bible Study not good enough, not engaging, or God focussed? Are our programs like involving students to be able to bless a family that needs help, or our other things like wheel chair basket ball, etc not unique enough, fun enough, meaningful enough? Am I not discipling these particular students so that they may even care about the 'group'. I must do something, because the attitude is actually spreading, and the one who used to leave, now brings with him 2 or 3. They can't say what it was like and why they left, becasue tehy left before all that stuff happened. And then, I yield the yoputh room during sunday school hour to the sr. high, because their normal leader is out for a few weekends. I want to make them comfortable, give them a menaingful Bible Study, make it worth their time, and then all the guys in teh group leave for Tim Horton's instead. coming back just before the end. I expressed my thoughts to those guys and the displeasure and distrust created by their action. I also told them that their actions will most certainly result in at least one nasty phone call from their parents, if not more. In a week where I wanted to dream about what Jr high retreat could be, I will instead be watching the phone, waiting to be yelled at, once again.
All of this is in the context of a time when I long to just cry out to God for help amidst struggles and failings of my own, between me and Him, but I can't, because the time is too costly, because I am too busy getting mad a those who are bad, trying to connect those who don't feel connected, cover areas that were not my responsibility, and think how I will find time to clean my office again and iron my shirts, as three people commented on that today(the shirts, I mean, the office is just a running joke I guess).
Responses could include delegating, discipling more, visioning more, I am not sure. I know it is foolish to focus on what I can do, and not God, but who am I to define if, when, and how He intervenes. ( I have learned that lesson the past 8 months)
If you have read this far, I am really sorry I ahve picked a bad year to start blogging, but I needed to say something, cause I don't know how to handle these things any more, and want advice, or a change. Sometimes I think maybe this surgery, if all does not go well during the procedure, could be a great time to change, but I don't want to think that. I want to dwell on the wonder of beign a part of two baptisms, and really life change, but I should clean my office an2d iron my shirts, control the thigs I can, and blog about the rest. Thanks for reading. Maybe now you can see a picture of the old Mike, pre-arm stuff, I think I could handle this stuff better. I should rely on God and not what I can do, but the service is wrapping up, adn people need me, for forms, instructions, encouragement, etc.
Mike
This weekend I went from Mike who is hurting and impatient with things, that include my arm, and other things to Mike who is angry with other things. Things include 3 students leaving youth group to hang out at someone's house during Bible Study and serving to help a family. Do i ignore it, forget it, get angry at it. Is our program and Bible Study not good enough, not engaging, or God focussed? Are our programs like involving students to be able to bless a family that needs help, or our other things like wheel chair basket ball, etc not unique enough, fun enough, meaningful enough? Am I not discipling these particular students so that they may even care about the 'group'. I must do something, because the attitude is actually spreading, and the one who used to leave, now brings with him 2 or 3. They can't say what it was like and why they left, becasue tehy left before all that stuff happened. And then, I yield the yoputh room during sunday school hour to the sr. high, because their normal leader is out for a few weekends. I want to make them comfortable, give them a menaingful Bible Study, make it worth their time, and then all the guys in teh group leave for Tim Horton's instead. coming back just before the end. I expressed my thoughts to those guys and the displeasure and distrust created by their action. I also told them that their actions will most certainly result in at least one nasty phone call from their parents, if not more. In a week where I wanted to dream about what Jr high retreat could be, I will instead be watching the phone, waiting to be yelled at, once again.
All of this is in the context of a time when I long to just cry out to God for help amidst struggles and failings of my own, between me and Him, but I can't, because the time is too costly, because I am too busy getting mad a those who are bad, trying to connect those who don't feel connected, cover areas that were not my responsibility, and think how I will find time to clean my office again and iron my shirts, as three people commented on that today(the shirts, I mean, the office is just a running joke I guess).
Responses could include delegating, discipling more, visioning more, I am not sure. I know it is foolish to focus on what I can do, and not God, but who am I to define if, when, and how He intervenes. ( I have learned that lesson the past 8 months)
If you have read this far, I am really sorry I ahve picked a bad year to start blogging, but I needed to say something, cause I don't know how to handle these things any more, and want advice, or a change. Sometimes I think maybe this surgery, if all does not go well during the procedure, could be a great time to change, but I don't want to think that. I want to dwell on the wonder of beign a part of two baptisms, and really life change, but I should clean my office an2d iron my shirts, control the thigs I can, and blog about the rest. Thanks for reading. Maybe now you can see a picture of the old Mike, pre-arm stuff, I think I could handle this stuff better. I should rely on God and not what I can do, but the service is wrapping up, adn people need me, for forms, instructions, encouragement, etc.
Mike
Thursday, January 12, 2006
Well, bright side, I get a break from physio till next surgery, then break is over. Those are the words of my physio. I really hope she gets to be on case after second surgery, no one has remained as diligent and dedicated to this as her, and i really appreciate it. It is probably a nice break for her too, lol. Anyways, i think i will ahve a few more hours in my week now, that is exciting, but it won;'t impact my blogging patterns, don't worry.
Mike
Mike
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Hi there, long time no blog... that has more to do with me than with you, so sorry.
So update on arm. Met with surgeon today, after sending him an e-mail basicl stating 'you ahve all teh info/reports/scans you will ever have, please let this be a meeting of action steps, not another useless consult. Well, action was taken. I am now on an urgent waiting list, lol, which could be right way, or up to 5 months. I have also put myself on call for cancellations, and could go on two hours notice any time after feb.18. I notified my employer today hat i will be taking no less than two weeks completelly off and more if needed, and that my post surgery healing and rehab would take not top but only priority in my life once it came time.
I pray every day about this, and ask that you would too, but kinda feel tha ti have had to push all this stuff through my self and make it happen without any help. I appreciate your support, and want God to work in this, but honestly don't 'feel' like He is really making anything supernatural, or even naturally reasonable (by Dr.'s definition) happen. That still frustrates me, and I hope this all is gone by summer so I can go on like I was before, I miss that Mike.
Thanks for reading.
Mike
So update on arm. Met with surgeon today, after sending him an e-mail basicl stating 'you ahve all teh info/reports/scans you will ever have, please let this be a meeting of action steps, not another useless consult. Well, action was taken. I am now on an urgent waiting list, lol, which could be right way, or up to 5 months. I have also put myself on call for cancellations, and could go on two hours notice any time after feb.18. I notified my employer today hat i will be taking no less than two weeks completelly off and more if needed, and that my post surgery healing and rehab would take not top but only priority in my life once it came time.
I pray every day about this, and ask that you would too, but kinda feel tha ti have had to push all this stuff through my self and make it happen without any help. I appreciate your support, and want God to work in this, but honestly don't 'feel' like He is really making anything supernatural, or even naturally reasonable (by Dr.'s definition) happen. That still frustrates me, and I hope this all is gone by summer so I can go on like I was before, I miss that Mike.
Thanks for reading.
Mike
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