Saturday, March 28, 2009

I learned somehting about myself this year.

I try to hard to make people do things that they don't want to do. I call it caring, but i am not sure that is the right way to care any more. Now that I see what i am doing, I am able to stop it, see it while it is going on, even before it happens, but the desire is still there. The desire is there, I tell myself, comes from being passionate about the abundant life, in all areas of life. But am i just a control freak, telling others how to live their life? I dunno.

Anyways, it is too much now, so I have stopped. if there are leaderhsip standards that must be met by those who want to lead with me, I will humbly state them, live them, give grace, and act when the leadership standard needs to be enforced lovingly. but I wont tell people how to live. If there is a person whom i saw with potential in them, and invested accordingly, but then realized they were not making choices to allow for potential, then I will tell them, honestly, lovingly, and then no more. Not cut them loose, but not tell them how to live either.

i am so tired tonight, so scared of how i ahve not done well. Scared what I do wont count for much in the end, in the eternal. I know God is faithful, and I know he is loving and accepts me, I just am struggling with my methods and motives, after seeing some of the outcome.

Hmmm,

Friday, February 27, 2009

It's not fair.

When a soldier goes off to war, he is out there giving himself fully to the cause of greater freedom. Not his own, because that freedom he could maintain with the weapons in his hands and his knowledge of quiet places he could go and take care of himself. No, it's not his own well being he fights for, because being on the front lines is actually the worst place for someone concerned for their own well being. No, it is clearly for the greater good, other's freedom, following orders, whatever you want to call it.

Then something happens. When he returns, he suffers from something very complicated and devastating. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. It changes how he lives, changes how he thinks, changes who he is a person. It is the price he has paid for fighting for your freedom, but now you don't have to pay the price for his sickness. His stress problems. His anger. His lack of sleep. No, you got what you needed, you have been served, and when he has outlived his usefulness on the front lines, you would just as soon send another out there, and let this one take care of himself.

And what of the bad choices he makes. He, like any human with free will, is responsible for his own choices, before God and country, but it is not only insensitive but unintelligent to suggest that those choices are not in part a result of his time serving you, and the cost on ones life while doing that, even if they still have all of their limbs. The choices you make with that freedom earned by him are free, paid for. but the choices he makes, he must pay for. maybe criminally responsible for, maybe lose friends, family, or just peace of mind and the ability to live the way he did before fighting for you. But he must pay for it. It's his choice, right?

For all those not out there fighting, or supporting those who are or have already given all, what do you think your role in all of this is? Spectators? Recipients of something you don't appreciate and really value, unless you lose it? Consumers with demands to be met? (that doesn't make sense because even reasonable consumers must pay for what they want) What are you?

I think for the most part there are two categories. Those who fight for this cause, and those who don't have to think about it. Those who value it enough to give their lives to, and those who are too busy doing the things that those fighters would love to do when they get home, but probably won't have the peace of mind to be able to enjoy any more. At least not without help.

Don't feel bad. What could you do to help, right? No worries, cheers, w/e.

To those fighting, find other fighters who can help you live well even after you have given that life to something other than yourself. You have been promised that the sacrifice would be worth it, and it must be true, even if the recipients never appreciate the gift, or more importantly, the cost of that gift. And be careful out there, and back home too. neither place is safe. The acts of discipline and training you needed out in the field are just as needed back home. ! Cor. 9:27.

Happy Remembrance Day!

Pastor Pepsi, Poured Out Like A Drink Offering.

Wednesday, January 14, 2009

I am done saying 'no'. As I stare at another e-mail from Jake's would be soccer coach, but we don't have time to take him, have not had time to take him, I think to myself, I am sorry Jake, but next year I won't say no to soccer. As I try to get a student of a significant leader to a meeting they knew about 2 months in advance, on a team they requested to be on in leadership, and they say they cannot, because of a sports team commitment, I am done saying 'no' to my son's sports or other opportunities.

As I think about how much I value small group, and have for 8 years here at EBC, to the point where our small groups ahve multiplied many times, and are now to the point of sending out so many small group leaders that we now have one that is people not ready, able, willing or likely to lead, cause the leaders ahve all been sent, I am done saying no to thursday nights with my kids. That small group is something I value, but as I stare at this soccer email that Jake doesn't even know exists, I think about other leaders, co-labourers, whos kids are not only in these kinds of things, but they are able to coach these things for their kids.
I will continue a small group, on Sunday Nights, if and only if, at our team meetings this year we agree as co-laboourers, that this is a value for all, not for some, who sacrifice their other options while others take those options.

I think about the community association, and the drop in night. Other than help, thigns are going great, great bridge building, great attendance, etc. (the sr high one, not so much, they do not deserve or value it). The community association will ahve me in another way next year though. A soccer coach, or something like it, on jake's team. I have given tis thing 5 years, and it has been worth it, but I can't be committed to 4 nights a week every week before any other meetings are even discussed. It is not fair to Jake. I am done saying no to him like that, escially as I fight to get other kids to commit to the types of things that we are supposed to value, and Jake will be forced to value, because dad doesn't ahve time for any other things.

I now am but an hour away from facing a meeting where I will be (possibly rightly so) judged and evaluated, and likely sanctioned for my inability to get paperwork stuff in as I am responsible for. One would think this should not be to hard to do successfully. I I have thought about that alot, and if every time I am in this building, I am getting ready for the next thing, the next event, because they are at a minimum, 4 times a week, then yes, yes, it is difficult, to simply deal with the paper. Why, because as you come in the door, and should just deal with it right awya, that is tough, because you are literally running to the next thing.

sorry, blog, for saying no to you so much. That may not change, but I wanted to say to you today, I am done saying no to Jake. He will not understand, or think it's fair, when he hears what the otehr kids get to do, and that's at the staff christmas party, not at school.

If, somehow you are a reader of this, lol, and ant to reply, reply on here or to me directly, don't think you are helping by asking around about me, etc.

Good morning, happy wednesday.