The problem with going to fast...

Don't tell my loving and forgiving wife this story, who is the co-owner of the car that is part of this story.

Not sure if anyone is familar with teh massive speed bumps in the Preston Crossing parking lot, more like an almost over pass for pedestrians all around the lot. Anyways, on Tues, was in a rush to pick up stuff for Jr. High that night, and hit one of those ramps. For teh first time since I had my 86 Capri in a construction job, I bottomed out a car, it was not fun. The car is alright, but t was not to be repeated.

Another experience of bottoming out because of going to fast for too long happend hours before the below mentioned sermon. I was frustrated not so much at getting the sermon ready, but that there was very little transition time between my abundance of events that i run or speak at, etc, and even less leadership 'dream' time, which is needed to be an effective leader. In my bed, and at my desk, I prayed for hours asking God to do something dramatic enough to me that i would have a legitimate excuse for quitting, without it looking like I was quitting. (since sharing this with another friend, he said he once prayed for a heart attack so that he could quit the stress of ministry as well. not sure if they were serious or not) Anywasy, for the first time, I think I hit feelings much deeper than situational, cause I could see the end of the busyness for the day, but could not see the end of the feelings of just wanting out. I would be curious to know what one calls depression, or circumstancial. actually the question I asked myself was wondering if this was the beginning of what my former pastor felt shortly before he retired early after crashing from depression and anxiety.

The story ends with me remembering my up-bringing, that though this is a rare trait, I think, Bendel men go to work and get the job done regardless of how they are feeling. (never seen my dad use workers comp or sick time) I prayed for strength to go on, and apparently the sermon was alright, lol. I feel better now.

What do you say to someone whenyou think you blew a sermon, and they come up to you afterwards and say 'that was a great message'? We have moved to two services, and the second time through the message went great, I felt up beat, awake, passionate. The first time through, I felt sleepy, scattered in thoughts, and just not able to get out of first gear. (for those reading this who can't drive standard, that is a bad thing)

I could respond 'thankyou', and leave it. I could say 'wow, if that was challenging to you, you have abviously missed some time with your bible this week', or say 'just mark the envelop 'pastor's sermon prep fund' and i will make the next one just as good. I just am ammused at comments after a sermon. My old pastor used to call it 'glorification of the worm' when we had to stand at the back and shake hands after a sermon and listen to 'good message' over and over again. Only thing is, he would also join me after my sermons to shake peoples hands. I gues that worm liked a bit of extra glory. I just want to hear how a persons spiritual life was impacted by it a week later, etc.

I am so lucky to be doing what i do, thank you God, i appreciate the call. Especially when the call display said Ebenezer Baptist Church 5 years ago, and not 'other small hick church in stonewall manitoba where you also applied at the same time.' I am a city kid, and even more so a true East sider. My wife assures me that I have lost my street fighting skills that we all gained attending Bedford. On the other hand, stonewall would not be so badd...if I am affraid of electricity, and they do not have any.

Later.

Day 2: Not wanting to be ripped off by the deli again, we went to the $15.95/person lunch buffet. I was excited that I could eat all i wanted and pick exactly what I wanted. Bewildered at the area where food was said to be, I asked a Chateau native where the hot options where. She smiled at me, with a pity in her eyes, and informed me with great regret that this was only the lunch buffet, and that hot options would be available at the $18.95 supper buffet.

It then took embarrasingly long to cook my carrot sticks and cold bow-tie pasta in my mushroom soup, the only dish above room temperature. AS my soup lost it's precious heat, I requested a hot chocolate, knowing that tea and coffee were included. the same pity filled eyes informed me that hot chocolate would be extra. Realizing the cost of heat is probably quite high here, I declined, not wanting to ahve to award the Chateau another point. Still 1-0

I am blogging stories from my adventures at the Chateau Lake Louis. Actually, I am not blogging on site because the internet rate is $13/day, which makes the sasktel monopoly look rather competetive.

So it is not that I feel I must battle the evil of jacked up prices at this establishment, it is just that I want to, so here I go...

Day 1: Today i took my beautiful blushing bride out for a nice lunch at the Chateau. $30 is a reasonable price for such a thing? Right? Until you discover that we went to the Deli, the cheapest place on site, where she had the soup and sandwich, and I enjoyed the cheapest thing on the menu, a lasagna combo that the server could not tell in it's prepackaged state was meat or vegi in nature. that was 11.95, haha, they won't get three fives from me in one sitting.

Then doing some simple math and reviewing the bill the next morning, I realize they charged us for two soup and sandwich meals, arggghhh. Chateau 1, Pastor Pepsi 0

On a brighter note...

Yesterday, i was doing my Bible Reading on my Palm Pilot, and was reading in 1st Timothy 1 about spending endless hours on debatable issues and myths, ect. This promotes controversy, the NLT states 'they don't help people live a life of faith in God.' I have been thinking about often , and diiscussing with friends the issue of baptism, recently, which is in some respects a 'debatable issue' tha tleaves people hurt, angry, and frustrated. What I do know though, and what has helped me 'live a life of faith in God' this week has been being a part of a student's Choice to be baptized in obiedience to God this weekend. She was so excited after coming out of the water, gave me a huge hug, and knew that this was the Choice God wanted for her to make. That experience, amidst all my other struggles recently blogged about, reaffirmed that i love what I do and it is meaningful and powerful. My thanks to that girl who let me be a part of her faith journey. It meant more than any 'Pastor Apreciation Month' recognition that could come my way, lol
Mike
p.s. Another brother past away this weekend doing a similar baptism in Texas, and my heart goes out to his family, and reminds me of the first time I almost went to grab the mic while baptising, the only time my lead pastor has ever yelled at me, and I am thankful.

So, the other week, while on supervision at a school I work at, I saw a gr. 4 student walking around the playgroun d with a rather large tree branch. This has been a problem in the past, even with kids hitting eachother with such branches, so I went over to him and instructed him to just put the branch down. He defended himself, claiming that he was trying to put it back (since when did tree grafting get taught at the elementary level). When I initially saw him, he was not of one purpose or direction in where he was going with the branch, so I doubted him, and told him just to put the branch down where he was and walk away. tHe look on his face as he walked away made me think one thing: did he feel like he got in trouble for trying to do something good, the right thing? Of course I was off to stop an insuing game of tackle football before I could see what he was really feeling.

Why do I tell you this? Cause in the last few months, I think i have the same expression on my face towards my omnipresent supervisor. I don't believe in self pity, but having come from a meeting with a surgeon who has advised me that a second surgery is imenent, for I am worse off than before my first surgery, I feel like doing what I thought was the will of God has gotten me in trouble, and not just a little. When I decided to ahve the surgery, I thought it was an act of trust and faith, believing in both the signs, advice, and senses in prayer that I sincerly thought were from God. This was no hasty decision, but more meditaiton and prayer was ut into it than anything else in my life. Now, I struggle to ahve enough hours in the day to serve the purpose God has called me to because of all the excercises, appointments and hours on the verge of giving up that I must face amidst my usually busy day. I feel like I am in this because I trusted God.

I do not doubt God's power, but wonder why i can see the pain, frustration, and endless effort of three surgeons, two massage therapists, and a physio in a pear tree, yet I can't see a blasted thing from the One whom I thought was leading me here. I believe God can cause good to come out of this, or anything else. hey, I am equiped with the many 'pat answers' that people have offered me, maybe when my interest in real counselling is gone, i will start using these with my students. I have learned some real thoughts on God and scripture as well, but is the tuition for this class a permanently screwed up arm and many lost hours and dollars I will never get back?

Though I feel I have given all i can to God in the last 5 years of service, I know God does not owe anything back to me, but let Him know tha tthis has changed the way i teach about following the 'will of God' forever. Infact, maybe Him and I will both agree that I should invite a guest speaker whenever that subject is taught. I know tha tif God so willed, my arm would be healed, but as I look out my window to the clouds, i wonder...will He?

I am more than upset, more than just tested, I am more than just a little angry, and will freely admit tha tthe only reason I am even here I am evne here to type this now is the desire to raise up my son well. Hmm, can't wait till graduation day.

p.s. I will not go back and edit for grammar and spelling, cause the content would make me ashamed. Instead, I focus on an orange button that says publish post...