Boxing is the theme of this post:

First of all, horray!, Rocky has another movie. I am very excited.

Second, boxing day. This is my time to shine, my 'Christmas' in a commercial sense. (I love the family and visiting side of regualr christmas, hate thhe commercialism) I am excited, and started my routine, which involves buying the paper the week before, not missing one. Still no ads yet. It is a wierd year cause the S.P. would normally print them on 24th, but taht is a Sunday, and they can't wait till boxing day to run it.

I was able to get some info from Futureshop. They open at 6 a.m. this year on boxing day.

I love the earlier openning times. Less waiting, and it weeds out the weak. I will aim to be in line shortly before 3 a.m. if there is something really good. Really, we are left with 2, maybe 3 good choices this year. Futureshop, visions, and maybe compu smart. And a door crasher is not a door crasher unless better than half price, and saving at least $200. We lost the legendary king of boxing day, A and B sound. They were also the only palce we had to buy non mainstream CD's.

Maybe my dad will join me this year, he will be in town. He is the one who taught me how to boxing day shop, taught me that all good deals to be had were off the shelves before 8 a.m., hopefully we reunite the team. Student and teacher.

I would tell you what I am hoping for out there, but that is generally not done in the boxing day lines, we are friends till the doors open, then jsut hope you are not going for the same thing as me.

Bye Buy, and a Merry christmas to my readers.

Staff Christmas Party

Leading up to the staff Christmas Party, I was pretyt excited, adn boasted of my unbeatable bowling game, as last time I won by a large margin, and it is my 'sport' outside of waterski season. By being prideful, I gave other staff members something to play for, and something to taunt me with every time I threw a bad ball( which was often).

I should have never talked the talk, cause by making a big deal out of it, it is a bigger deal that I did not have the high score in either game. Great sadness for me. I had a chance in teh second game but wasted a strike by hitting a 2 pin in the last frame. The next thing I know, I am in the lounge drowning my sorrows, and I don't remember anything after that...Merry Christmas.

Ah yes, the popular position of 'Point Man' or Leader.

Some conflicts on dates for an upcoming retreat. Conflict witha quiz meet. I already know what decision needs to be made. I told the peple in charge of quizing that their ministry fit under a larger picture of ministry right from the start.

Those it will impact are not going to be pleased. I think one will take it alright, being a little upset, and one will be more vocal about it. People need to understand that if I switch to another weekend, I impact others as well. I guess, even if they don't understand that, i do, and though I try to create understanding, I have never been one to wait for total agreement of everyone before making a decision.

I know I am called to this position, and sometimes it is fun. sometimes it is not. The wierd thing is, i don't feel sad about having to make the decision, I just feel it is part of life that people will need to decide between two good things. I have to do it all the time. Would love to see those concerned and how they respond when those two choices are a ministry opportunity and family. Sorry, that is not fair, I am sure there will be maturing by the time that happens. If I can 'mature' in my thinking, I am sure anyone can.

This blog is not in anyway a critisism of anyone and their concerns, simply voicing what I am feeling, the purpose of a blog.

Have a nice day.

What a wonderful day.

After an amazingly busy Sunday, I got to stay home with my kid yesterday. We went to the parent and tot swim and basically had the whole pool tp our selves. A red pool noodle submerged and popping up around jakes floaty mat served as a dragon or sea monster. He made the 'woo ha woo ha woo hahaha music as I went through the 'ring of fire' (bubbles from 'Finding Nemo') and he was tested by a life guard to make sure he was ready for an unparented swim class in january. Wow, things move fast in this life.

We stayed in for over an hour, and rented half the pool, it seemed, for $6.

gotta love Mondays off.

Mike

Who knew about this and why wasn't I told?!?

So, last week, shortly after telling my wife there is nothing I really want for Christmas, i see in the Walmart Flyer that they have re-released classic transformer characters. (I won't name any, want to see if any of my readers can name the classics, post comment)

I told her then that I wanted some of these, to collect, as this is huge part of my childhood and did not keep any from way back. So yesterday, just to see where this re-release was going (more characters or something) I googled the word transformers. THat brought me to a movie page. Not the 1987 cartoon movie, but a real transformers movie (I guess as real as a Semi that turns into a fighting robot can be). They showed a quick preview. I can't believe it.

This is my child hood, transformers and Turtles, there was nothing else on that level for me. (and transformers were more important to me than turtles.

If my wife has been diligent in searching the walmarts, then I may have at least one, hopefully more of the classic figures to set up in my room (guitar room.)

Jake would be allowed limited play time with them when he was old enough to understand. We were watching the movie (robots, as he calls them) and the car who becoems the leader later was running and transformed to a car. Jake said 'where did the robot go', and I thought 'that's the beauty of it all, amazing'.

Anyways, no tiem for all the new transformers and toys out there, if you see a classic, pick it up for me, please. And I will have a big party to go see the movie on April 4. Anyone want to come?

Mike

So those winter tires saved a big accident yesterday.

Travelling over the attridge overpass at 60 (posted limit) towards Canadian tire, an older couple in a truck come in off the freee way ramp, and do a tripple lane change right in front of me doing 30 and never speeding up. I slammed on the brakes (it was not the kind of close where you could just slow down) and my car angled a bit but continued to travel forward, slowiing down pretty quickly, while I layed my chest on teh horn. I came easily within 18 inches of them, and they never tried to change bakc or speed up. I am sure the other tires would have had me spin more around or continue faster forward.

Here is where the human side of me comes out. i intentionally parked right beside them in the lot as we were headed to same store, and as we got out, i asked him if he had any clue how dangerous that lane change of his was. they put their heads down and walked away quickly into the store. I think they could have at least appologized, but I will try not to cling to my rights, I guess. I have asked God to forgive my anger, but my attitude still is that they can at least say something about their stupid move. I make lots of mistakes, but at least I can admit when I did.

Would it have been 'my fault' in the eyes of SGI, since technically it would have been a rear end collision? Anyways, I hold to my belief that hesitant and slow drivers cause as many accidents as overly agressive ones. It is not a snotty arrogant statement, but teh truth, unless this day we all agree to drive 30 on 3 lane major roads during fair conditions.

That is my thought for the day, happy driving.

Mike

As of yesterday, our car is now winter ready.

Winter tires, winter 'reflex' wipers. The wipers come as Robyn asked me repeatedly while I drove her somewhere this week if I could see out my side cause she could nnot from hers. I agree it was a challenge, but not impossible. If I was on my own, I may try to stick it out and drive with a streaky windshield and normal all seasons, and invest that almost $600 into a snow blower. But with my son and wife, whom I love so much, I will error on the side of safety for the car, and continue to shovel with my back and arms. not being a martyr here, just saying it was tough to spend that much on something that I normally wouldnn't. last time I had winter tires, my dad was buying them for all our vehicles 7 years ago. Back then, he put studded tires on ym '86 Capri. That rocked.

Even if I changed my mind, tires are probably unreturnable if they did the job properly. Even for the guy who can return anything at any time.

In other news, I sold a Nintendo Wii at my cost, how stupid was that. It was to help a parent in youth group, so I did not try to make money, but then i saw what they were going for on E-bay.ca, ouch.

Just like the tires, the deal is done.
so long for now.

No dice?

so Jake has had fun playing with the dice (or number cubes) from our risk game. Last night, he was rolling them in the big jetted tub, cause it made nice sounds, (and I had closed the drain so as not to lose them). I could not find them later, but it was time for bath and bed for Jake, so I started running the water, but decided to use the big tub. It has a fancy faucet witha goose neck curve tha teh water comes out of, and while running the water, a die pops out, lol. I turned the flow up and the other four come out, one at a time. Jake thought it was the greatest thing ever.

What else will be stuffed in there?

Hope all of our new parent friends are excited about stories like this.

So my heart sunk last night....
They announced the plans for the 'Dance team' at the U of S ballroom dancing club, and how next semester they will perform a medley of 8 dances in 4 minutes. (this team works ona choreographed program for the big year end dance, like a half time show) It will either be a really good show, or a bust to get that much into one routine. I looked at Amanda and we talked through the idea of joining next semester, but it lands on the night that we do small group. It also, our instructor said, would be a steep learning curve if we don't have lots o time to work on it during the week.

When we got home from class, I looked at our calendar, and Amanda works either right before or during 4 out of the first 5 classes for dance team. We will stick to our regular intermediate class, and just continue to get better at that.

Anyways, that is what is in the news today.

I love dancing.

So yeah, i get to play Sax on worhsip team tomorrow. I am very excited about that. It has been a long time, and the last time I played, the team leader was always telling me to play less. Lol. The new leader on this team is much more hip to the Saxophone scene, and though I am not going to take any attention from the heart of music, I love adding to the feel and sound. It is a team I wnated to play on because of members on it already.

anyways, I will probably have many more short posts.
Later

So, I usually don't have trouble getting out of bed. bu this bed, now has a goose down duvet(from amanda's birthday last march), and a feather bed mattress topper (picked up from jysk rain check last night) and now it is very tough to get out of bed. At least jake let us sleeep till 8, unfortunately the cat only let us sleep till 7:45. for the record, the mattress topper was $39 on sale, rain check, and today it goes back on sale for $59) (reg . $89)

In other news, yesterday i returned a pair of 2 month old shoes, worn outside, no reciept, and got an exchange. I move beyond futureshop returns now.

A four level spilt, a two car garage, and a drive way that would fit 5 of Joel's car's end to end and still leave room for the mailman to walk. My wife and I have never liked the design of a garage jutting out in front of the house, so that you see the garage as more prominent than where the humans dwell on a property. That is one of the reasons we bought our house. But a garage hidden in the back of the house alos results in a long drive-way to stare down from the side walk.

Why do I blog about this now? cause, as many of you know, we had our first dumping of snow. I heed the advice of my boss who last year advised me that he would take 3 shovlings of the drive that are smaller than waiting for it all to be done at the end of the dumping...pushing snow is easier than having to carry it cause there is too much to push.

Already by the time i arose this morning, there was a heavy load. I did my best to clear some of it, knowing full well that there would be more to clear cause it was still falling.

but I shall not complain. I am thankful that we have a house that holds lots of friends and their cars as well. (though Joel typically still parks on the street). I am thankful tha tmy wife said thanks when i cam in (I may not be the fastest dish do-er, but managing the outside of the house at this time of year is as important as the inside.) I am thankful for leather winter boots that were warm enough to keep my father's feet toasty during minus 30 days in construction. and I am thankful that half way through my struggle, my son came bundled up to the hilt, dust pan in hand, out the door and headlong into the blustery snow fall to help his dad. At that point, it all became less productive, but more meaningful.

It was even enough motivation for me to shut off the car and tug him in the toboggan to his day care. I thought he would like it more.

anyone care to start a pastoral snow blower fund?

He's coming to town soon, I am so excited! (and I am not talking about some old guy with a weight managgement problem, who wears solid red, with only a bit of white trim for relief)

Colin James is returring here for Little big band 3, adn the last time he was here was LBB2, 8 years ago, and i was there. There are concerts to get excited about, and this guy's name is small compared to others who get mor radio play, but I appreciate him cause he is not commercial, going for radio play. he is an artist. he has reinvented himself for CD's at least 8 times (totally diff style on each) His live act is so amazing (walking through crowd soloing, etc) and each song is done differently each time you see him (cause he is an artist, not a live recording wearing shoes). Last time I saw him, he played songs from 7 diff albums, and 3 songs I had never heard before, which is wierd since I ahve owned every album from each release date.

So I purchased 8 seats in a special fan club presale, which are great seats, but tried again today, and was able to purchase even closer. Now I have some seats to sell, so let me know if you are interested. (9 rows back, not bad at all). I will ask around before putting them in the paper.

Anyways, that's my news, go visit www.colinjames.com and click on discography if you are interested in seeing a journy that spans styles far beyond most any 3 bnads combined.

Mike
thanks for reading, who is aware I am back online again?

Well, it's official.

After a phone conversation this morning, I have now bought out the ownership of a JAS arm brace. a piece of equipment so revolutionary that it is supposed to fix complicated elbow problems in 8 weeks or less, while other machines may take 12 weeks. I ahve been renting this unit (almost mortgaging it) for 12 months now.

If it perks your interest, my many readers who don't even know I blog any more...
www.jointactivesystems.com
I will rent it to you for $450 a month if you ever need one. I will give you a deal, 400.

Mike

My dancing handicap:

Well, it trns out that becuase of my elbow's new reality, there are now 2 moves that I struggl with in the Jive. I asked the instructor about this and she agreed I could comprimise.

What a weekend...amanda and I were together 3 nights in row, first tiem ina long time, and danced all thre nights. wow.

A Very Brilliant Man

I am not refering to the author of this rather slow moving blog, but a man named Richard Bourassa.

After getting stuck with a less than brilliant, less than expreienced physio (like requested) to hold me over while the hospital staff has vacation staff, i personally called this man, who owns Bourassa and Associates. Physio. He intended to see me once and refer me to one of his people, but after working on me, said he is not giving this to anyone, he wants to see it to the end himself. Last night he tried stuff with weights, pullies, cables, straps, etc. to tire the muscles out that resist his work on my elbow, then he went to work. Wow, He got so much movement, he would come and check on me, and get ready to start working, and found the arm fully stretched out, then he would switch to flexion. After a little prep on that, he got great movement, then back teh other way, and then wanted to end in flexion. he set his pullies up, started to hook me up, and looked confused. He said 'look at the bend in your elbow after going fully sttraight'...I looked, and there was almost nothing left to gain. It was bent (not as much as you normal people) but functional. He sent me home, said see you wednesday. (late in evening, as he normally does not ahv etime for cases as involved as mine while runnign 3 clinics.)

We stll have a tonne of work to do on elbow, and a long road ahead, but it felt better than in last year and half, last night. ( by better, I mean that he made me almost cry, lots, but it worked,)

chapter two of hospital stay.

sorry for the delay, but some of these posts, like this one, are very hard to come to terms with, or say 'out loud', but if this is my spiritual journey, tehn it may as well be real as i reflect.

So, still in the O/R, still fully awake, and unable to catch teh eye of the nurse, or anyone else. Thne they start to go to work. The doctor had told me ahead of time that normal pain control would not be sufficient for moving my arm after surgery, so they would try something called a nerve block. This is where they search, via needle, and nerve stimulator, for the correct nerves to your arm off of your C-6 vertibra, and freeze those nerves by the spine directly, and keep them frozen. Not pain control, but total loss of sensation.

They had told me that the safer way to do it would be through my chest, with less chance of puncturing, and they would be able to run tubing in that way to keep freezing flowing in. If that did nto work, they would have to come in through the neck. With that, there would be risk of puncturing my lungs, and they would not be able to run tubing in but would need to repeate the procedure every morning while in hospital.

So, there on teh table, alone with 6 other people, they started to go in through the chest. All they could find though, with the nerve stimulator, was my chest nerves. they were repeatedly making my chest heave up and down, and knew they were not even close to the nerves for my right arm. So, after sticking needles and stimulators deep into my chest, they said, as i could hear clearly, that they would need to try the neck approach, but would have to be careful.

As they went in, the pain and fear were both increased with a needle in my neck rather than in my chest. (both probably seem unpleasant, but now my mind's eye was on the signature that said i acknowledged the risk of my lung being punctured during this procedure.) As they got deeper with the needle (remmeber, no sedation yet) my chest started bouncing again. I thought, that's fine, they are jus getting started. About 2 minutes later, according m to my internal clock, they were still only making my chest bounce (and i wasn't even jogging)

Then, the preasure off my chest, finally, but my left leg is now definately stimulated. This is more than reflex, this is a constant firing of the nerves inside to impact the muscles outside. My mind cried out as that happened, the longer this took, the more risk they were in for. Why was the more experienced doctor just advising the less experienced doctor. Why did he not use his own hands, and not just his directions to the newbie. I understand the need for education, but my neck is on the line here. I was now not only scared, but angry, angry that a man had to be awake to hear this going on. Angry that a doctor saw it more important to train than to keep me safe. angry that i even thought this whole process a year ago could even have a happy ending. I actually cared far more about 'something serious' happening then i did before. I longed to know that my son would be raised right, and ahve a complete and Godly life. I did not cry out to God, but I cried out to something.

Eventually, they got small movements in my arm, and wiggled the equipment around that area more carefully, until my entire arm was convulsing.

They said they had it, and injected the freezing. Oh, a weird and scary feeling, preasure of liquid deep inside. As soon as they had that, the nurse (whom had I/V.ed me without my knowledge, looked at me and advised they were sedating me now, and then I was gone, within seconds.

So, at the time, I did not have the ability to relate this expereience to any ideas or illustrations, but as I reflect, it all seems similar to our reactions to God sometimes. My reactions inside to the doctors, I mean.

While they were not doing the procedure as successfully as I ha hoped, and I started to fear the risks that came with doing it,, i was very angry at the ones 'in control'. Often, when things that we know God is 'in control' of, are not going the way we hoped, or the risks are now increased, or seem that way, we get very angry.

This idea has brought me to a thought which may be the thesis of my next few years, trying to figure out. that is this: Is the north american church focussed on a 'results based god' that they call Christianity. Do we worship God more what what He does than who He is? I am not saying that he doesn't promise some results, for sure our eternity, and there are lots of promises regarding this life too.

But do we expect results from Him that He never intended, and worship accordingly? This is not a judgemental statement, but a reflection of how i think i have let the culture change me more than God transform me. I desire often for what he wants for me, as expressed in His word, but I have lots of other desires as well. Like desiring the doctors to be successful the easy way, with little risk, I want God to take care of me, not in teh vague way of thinking everyhing will be alright in the end, but that i want to be 'all right' now. i want my arm to be working, and I hoped that God would make it more than just a complicated medical process that may or amy not work, costing hours, days, of painful therapy and excercises, for possible results. i will not come to the point of admitting there is any divine intervention in that, so I get mad, cause i dont have the results i want.

Who he is has not changed, but what I want him to do vs. what he is doing is getting wider apart byt the day. I want to come to the point where I worship regardless, and continually, but there are some big things that are not 'well with my soul', if I am being honest, which seems to be the case in this blog, for better or for worse. I want to get to this point, I love him, but it is really hard to worhsip right now, really ahrd. It would be easier for me to believe that he couldn't help me, but would if he could, than knowing all my life that he could do anything, but isn't.

This has become really big for me. I just know that in my life right now, my feelings towards God are similar to my feelings towards the doctors trying to freeze a quarter of my body, touching areas they and I can't see. I want it to change, i want to be different, but I am so scared that if i just say 'it's all right', I risk not being able to tlak to God about some things/ideas, that have really really hurt in the last 15 years. I went up to the front at Elim Church, many times, to be 'healed', nothing. the elders in 3 churches have prayed, and then the oil thing, and two times, with people praying, they blamed the lack of healing on my lack of faith, but i believed, trust me. anyways, i wan tto know if God would rather me not think about results any more, but i want my theology to be based on truth, nott pat answers, so I will journey.

good morning.

I am blogging from home , as I take time off after my surgery. there are many events and experiences that impacted me in the hospital, so I will be sharing about some of those in my next few blogs.

since you already read about my preop experience, and some of you were unlucky enough to read about my night before, until a good friend of mine deleted that, I will start the morning of. I went into the operating room , fully aware and not on any medication at that point. I was laying down on the bed, and in elegant hospital attire, but other than that, no different than you or I would normally be.

shortly before hand, the surgeon had spent some time talking about the surgery with me, but I pushed beyond that topic and was far more interested in the rehab that he had planned. he said he was interested in letting me go on Friday or Saturday, but I knew that no fizz you therapy places were open on the weekend, and told him quite plainly that he was hanging out to dry , if he sent me home when there is no help available even on my own. he agreed and said they would not let me go until Monday.after our pleasant chat, the anesthesiologist spent some time explaining the risk of the nerve blocks they were going to do on my right side. they would try to find the right nerve clusters using a nerve stimulator that they would stick in my neck, and then inject the freezing directly onto those nerves. he explains that there is much less risk coming at those nerves from the front through my chest. he stated that only if they could not do this properly they would come through my neck which have a lot more risk to it.

I signed the paper that said it would not sue these guys and they rolled me into the operating room , fully awake and aware. They said they needed this to find the right nerves. it was very strange seeing quite clearly everyone prepare their tools to operate on me. I would have much preferred , the more common relative already been drowsy , and sedated at this point. everyone in the room was very busy, and for the first time in a while . I allowed myself to feel fear. lying flat on the bed, I looked around , in desperation, seeking a pair of eyes to meet mine and understand what I was feeling , because i was fully awake. even the nurses were very busy and could not spare the time to meet my eyes with theirs.

then the two anesthesiologists started to do their work on my right side with the nurse on my left side. it appeared she was watching my vitals,and very interested in this nerve block procedure. I know this because she watched the doctors constantly as they worked on my neck and chest. with the same consistency, I looked up at her hoping to catch her eye, trying to explain without words , that I was not all right. I wanted someone in that room to know that though I tried to enter this experience strong I was on the verge of breaking down for the simple reason that I was scared that I would not be safe during this procedure. for better or for worse, I never did get the attention of any pairs of eyes in that room, which was very disappointing , because I'm sure that if I can just communicate to someone that I was not all right that maybe they could send back through the same look that they would be aware and watching when I no longer could.

I know I've made a lot of unfair demands towards God and my journey, but I think longing to see those eyes, the eyes of God or Jesus looking at me,understanding that I was not all right, and promising through a glance , more powerful than words, that they would be watching when I no longer could. if I could extend that demand of God, I also asked that in that look he would not communicate the type of 'it will be OK' that means that your fears are irrational, but more , I will be there watching even when it isn't OK.

I think that God offers this. I read in the Psalms, and other areas of the Bible that discuss the comfort of God, and I can't imagine a divine comfort , lacking the description I've just giving you. I know it is there, and I know it is real, but I've had a lot of trouble in the last couple years actually seeing those eyes. maybe I've asked to God to be too physical in that demand to see those eyes. maybe I need to close my eyes more to establish that gaze with my savior that I long for from him, and longed for in that operating room.

in that operating room I was scared to close my eyes before communicating this need to at least one person there. forget the words of at least, this need , was simply for one and only one person to know that I was not all right. I was scared that if I close my eyes . they would assume I was getting drowsy , and that the voices in my head screaming to cut your losses get up and run,but i should be able to trust that God won't lose sight of me, or assume everything is all right, when I close my eyes longing to meet his and experience some to a communication that words are never sufficient for.

more to come later.

Hey, thjis is my blog from in the hospital, at pre op assesment. It is real, raw, and very long. I thought it would be fun to bring my laptop, but if you are easily offended, too sensitive at anything i may say that could seem like an attack,, or hav enot yet brought me off some spiritual pedestle that I can't maintain, then don tread. Also, don't feel obligated to coment. If I disturb u, sorry, this blog is not for u, but if I must hold back, this blog is not for me.

My Blog from inside Saint Paul

I arrive 25 minutes early, and get through admitting in record time. I am then sitting in front of “Test Center” half an hour before the sign says it will open. I wait in front of the doors, thinking about what I feel like right now. By the sounds of it, I will be present in many different departments before I am done here.

I think about what they are thinking when they look at me, or when they look at my file. I think to myself, I just want them to see me in my desperation. I want people to understand I need their help, and I can’t afford a third go at this, in fact I won’t wait for that to happen either. LBNL. I see a nurse pass by, on her way home probably, tired, looking after people, or are they people. Files? Numbers? Whatever. I just want someone to see that I can’t afford to be a number this time. I can’t wait six $%^&$# weeks for any real follow up. I know none of this is life threatening, but I hope that someone sees the second pass at this as an emergency, not just another attempt. I know in ski jumping you get 3 attempts, but not in this. I know some have gone through more than me, but I tried to be strong, valiant, Godly, whatever in maintaining my career of helping people, even in the midst of this past year. Screw maintaining, I won’t toot any of my own horns, but the last year has hardly been mere maintenance. Some people I see keep on trucking, some people need a break cause it is too much, some people quit cause it is too much. I do not feel bad in saying I have lived the complete opposite of the kind of life described in the latter 2. If I offend you with any of those statements, sorry, but show your anger by not visiting me next week, lol. Don’t assume I am thinking of you when I describe those people, nor that I say that those people are bad, or not, or whatever. I am just saying I have done anything but take a break or quit, and you could have not judged me had I done either. Many of you are also like me I am sure, and I just don’t see your problem you are going through, or the depth of it, as you also continue to serve. I don’t know who you are, but I understand, and am sorry, and hope you get a chance to take that break. I really do.

I watch a security guard go by, and food services, and others. Please, one week from today, one of you walking by me now, write on my forehead as I am asleep in recovery “I can’t afford for this not to work” or “this is urgent”

Then I reflect on a recent blog, bitching about all the people who want to be seen as urgent in my to-do list, but they really are not, in my eyes. Interesting. I want to be seen as urgent, but am tired of people wanting the same of me. Interesting. Fate? Karma? Alanis Morisette’s misuse of the word ironic? Whatever, LBNL.

A merciful Nurse lets me in the test center early, thank you. Will you also be on post op when I need that kind of nurse? 2 minutes there, and ushered to x-ray. Have worn a lot of those crotch protecting lead things in the last year and a half.

Wow, an old friend in the waiting room. Mr. Balboa on A and E. Thank you god, a distraction from my selfish self declared state of emergency. I enjoy his great script writing for 15 minutes, and get called in.

What did you do to your arm, he asks’, lol. I am not here any more about what I did to my arm. Awkward silence. I miss better dialogue with Sly already, I should have turned the TV up louder before I left.

If u do grace my private or semi private room next week at all, please bring Mr. Balboa, or Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer, or some other classic in a form that my computer can play. Thanks.

As I got ushered into the X-ray room, a guy torts “I was the first one in the waiting room, and the last one left” maybe he is just a number today.

From there to pre-op assessment. They stick me in a room to watch cinematic genius in coughing, huffing, wiggling my toes, and deep breathing post surgery. They instruct ‘use your arms when you sit up, to keep pressure off your incision.’ If I am a number, they picked the wrong number on the video, LBNL.

After that, she informs me that the next person to see me will be the anesthetist. He won’t be in for another hour and a half. A fine man I used to go to church with. He I am sure will warn me of risks, etc. I will listen, and sign, but not this time out of a trust in the system. This time I will sign because I just don’t care. Like Duracell claims, sometimes it just has to work.

The nurse then informs me that i actually won’t get to see the good doctor David Kim today. He is busy with patients, sir. At least this morning is confirming that I will be a number. *&*&$##&*!

I take the initiative to go down early to the department of therapies, and get fitted up though I am not scheduled till 1 p.m. They are happy to help me then and the therapist is the first reassuring person in this whole process. She tells me that her and another therapist will try to check in on me many times in a day as long as I am in hospital. She did mention that their hands are tied without dr’s orders though. I will ask him what his plan is, oh, oops, can’t. The CPM machine is not that impressive, but she assures me that it will do the job, and that they will do hands on what the machine can’t, if she gets the order from the doctor. She also said she will make sure people are on top of pain management cause the cpm machine will not feel good, she says.

Speaking of pain control, back to wait for the make u go to sleep guy. Before he comes, I meet with a nurse, who basically has pamphlets to read, one on total elbow replacement recovery, lol. She says ‘that must be a mistake’ and throws it away. K, am I legitimately scared after some of the things going on here? She talks at me, she is nice, though, and leaves me with a sealed sponge I must use on arm that morning before coming. May save t for camping instead, great packaging.

After done with her,, back to waiting room to blog again. An older couple are setting up a crib game across from me, and I avoid making any contact but then think ‘ as mad and scared as I am right now, I still love people and searching for opportunities to make contacts, bless people and maybe even get to share about the love of my eternal life. I set the cpu down, and ask if I can join, they seem so excited, we set it up, and I start to deal when Dennis Ong, old church friend, calls my name.

He gives me lots of info and is very caring. Tells me they are trying to freeze nerve clusters to the right of my C6 vertebra, and describes the process a bit (a bit scary, ask in person) and says the result with be that feeling in the right side of my body will disappear for the duration of my hospital stay. He says part of that includes some stuff he has never actually done before, but he will find someone who has, lol.

Once he is done chatting, he assures me they will be very careful, and though there are major risks, he says not to worry, he will take care of me as far as pain control.

I start to leave, but want to use the phone to call my best friend for a ride back to work, though I am booked out for the day. Work needs to be done. After doing that, and walking down the hall, I see a ghost from the past that amazes me. Wo, does God make this stuff work out, oor is it just chance. Anyways, he gets my attention again, though by the time I am done I still cant get the attention of the surgeon, my whole reason for coming. I go to work, staff meeting, etc. Here we go again.

Scene from office, 2 minutes ago:

Steph Owen telling me about how her and her husbadn are corrected on fashion mistakes by kids. Steph and I start to go over common mistakes, I add:'black socks and sandals', Church administrator walks by, almost perfectly timed, wearing balck socks and sandals. LOL

So, my son, yesterday, looked at a cover of a book I am ooking at to help answer jr high questions. The book is called 'Why so many Gods?' but since he can't read, he must have just been looking at the picture. He pointed and said 'daddy!' as he seems to ahve found what looks liek to him a picture of me. (if u have nto followed the link yet, u will not get any of this)

So, please comment, what does my son see in me? lol, or cna he predict the future?

Mike

Be still my bleeding ...

Tongue?

That's right, I split open my tongue yesterday putting in some lunch hour time (I worked yesterday) on a Baritone Saxophone I picked up. I am buying it and renting it to a studnet who will play in my new quartet. Hence, if he stays in it long enough, a lot of my costs are covered and I still have a bari.

The reed is a little tougher than the alto reed I am used to, and I was just having so much fun with walking bass lines that I did not notice till I removed the blood coated reed from the horn.

Hey, look at that? I was having fun, that's cool, and I didn't even mean too, lol. Think I found something i will ened to try again. (dont worry, the tongue builds up calousses.

Well, life continues to plough forward with trying to prep for tiem away.

I agree with many of the 'legitimate' issues that people have and want me to address, but I wish people would ahve a clue as to the ratio of issues i get on any given day compared to just hteirs.

For instance, I have now put $800 of my own cash into YC, waiting for others to pay for thier tickets, some claim ignorance, some claim I did not communicate that they had to pay, (that ammsues me, lbnl) and now more who are cancelling.

Be it staff, students, whatever. What do I do with these tickets that the church, and now I have paid for? I know that my job comes with issues to deal with, hence leadership. but people approach me with the urgency like thiers is the only issue, or the casualness, like they are the only ticke t I must now reseell. I will find more disciplers for my sponsors, as was promised to them and not yet fulfilled. I will make sure al my responsibilities are covered for when I am gone. I will make sure everyone has what they need ahead of time.

But, if u are waiting on me, just sit back, take a look, and imagine that even the YC issue alone right now will probably take me one full alnighter to sort out, since there are more 'pressing (lbnl) issues to deal with during office hours. Please be patient, and my thanks goes out to those who are willing to take up some more of the load, like a friend who is now handling food for Grad Banquet. I hate banquets. Lol.

Well, off to write two year end reports, one for SSCA, adn one for the church. I will blog a happier blog today to, just wanting people to understnd, they are not the only issue.

A few things:

Some more detaisl from my doctor that u dont want. I have crossed the 160 lb mark for the first time in my life. Hmm, all the working out I ahve done in last 12 months? probably not.

Ode to dad: (on this mothers day weekend) He would rather give us the title to the cabin than sell it for cash. It is mroe valuable that we have a haven to rest and just be a family, even if he never sees the cabin again. Dad strikes again. we were planning on bringing back teh shaggin wagon (big van) back to him, the rightful owner, on may long, but he called to sya it is now ours forever. He is frustrated with guys from work abusing his vehices, so would rather i have it. Wow, guess I'll stop abbusing it, lol. Just kidding, we treat it well, lol.

So, at a pre-opp appointment, my doc ordered blood wok to see if I would clot right and stuff, standard tests before big surgery.

She then said, since we are taking blood, lets do a test for cholesterol as well. Lol, , I responded that that was not necessary, but she replieed in a sort of all ready printed the requisition kind of way. So, 10 hour fast, lose 2 tubes of blood, and 3.5 minutes later, a nice breakfast at mcDonalds, lol. I generally dont like their food, but those Mcgriddles, mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Hey, the test was done, it wont affectthe results.

Well, I am no David Blaine.

I am not able to sit in tank like him, or hold my breathe for that long. I doubt ABC will cover my story, and know that there will not be the hundreds of passerby's wondering how it will end or showing support.

Regardless, I spend a lot fo time 'focussing' or meditating' when i cna afford the time. It is hard to understand and maybe silly sounding to those outside of my spirit right now.

First, I must prepare my mind and spirit for a battle that no one has any clue is about to begin. A battle that I don't know the ending to the story in, nor my heart's true response to those endings.

Second, my Dr. reminds me I can't take Ibuprofen for days before surgery, that shall be a challenge, since I now live off it.

Third, another therapist says I must train myself to sleep on my back, for the sake of my neck, good luck.

Forth, they tell me the more relaxed I am going into the surg, the more successful it will be. That is totally contradictory to what must be done for me to be able to pull back for afew weeks.

For what it is worth, I made some very tough decisions to respond to a message from the Lord directly to me that came a long time ago. when He gave it, I didn't want it. He reminded me, as my surg date came up, and now I ahve responded. Reluctantly, the kind of "I will do this, bu please dont leave me hanging, or I might not hang around' kind of respnse. Probably not what God was looking for, but I finally listenned to His message to me from one dark late night at a bible camp.

Losing to Quads, twice in a row.

First hand, fold, nothing really to bet on.
Second hand, J/Q off suit. The flop gives me 9/10/K, wow. another 9 on the turn. a 2 on the river. I have the only combination for that high of straight, and flush not possible. Even if someone has a third 9, i still win. A girl who does not know when it is even her turn, and friend suggests she call my bet. she turns over other two nines. Awesome.

Third hand: 10/K off suit. flop gives me J/Q/A. Bet on highest straight, no chance of flush again. tunr card = 7, no bet. River = A, so someone may have 3 A's, I still win. All in. Guy calls me, I think he doesn't know math that well. He flips over other two Ace's.
Awesome. Go home early.

Sometimes you think you've got a winner. sometimes you think it makes sense to go ahead. Then you see that really you had nothing worth betting on at all. Awesome. So, what now? do I sit at the table and watch everyone else collect their spoils all night, or can I go home early?

Another mornign Run.
This time, more of a sprint than a jog. And with my shirt off too. lol.

Lying in bed, tired as all get out, and then we here the rumbling of the garbage truck out front. I made great time. Putiting on pants slowed me down a bit, but I dont think he would have stopped otherwise, lol. That is 2 runs this week.

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Rejection Complex?
With a second surgery date sure to be soon, my physio informs me that she is taking temportary reduced hours, lol. did she do that knowign that another round would be comig soon, forced time with me, lol. She siad she will share the load/blessing with another therapist.

Poured out like a drink offering: "2006"

8 minutes, 27 seconds. I can afford that.

This morning I went out for a run, more of a jog, maybe even a brisk wal. To the school, down garvie, mcwillie, back down konhowski to home.

There was mud on my runners froma horrible mess I had created by a) not cleaning up all the dirt from the lawn after digging for jakes swing, and b) turing on the sprinklers one evening before jake went to bed, and c) letting jake play outside just before bed.

I am sure it would have taken me 8 minutes to clean all the mud off of those runners, but now the mud is gone, and only 27 extra seconds. Tomorrow I will wear amanda's runners, and wednesday, jake's.

I know I can't lift weights like I used to cause of arm, and probably wont be able to until at least fall. I know I can't take part in the summer sports people play together as teams beating other teams. I know I am also sick of not being half of what I used to be physically (despite what my weight says). So, I ran.

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What we can afford?
So, frustrating moment yesterday. i have 'afforded' myself some time, occationally this last few weeks, to walk down a bit of a spiritual adventure, an internal journey with external tangents, but it can't be done half hearted. On friday, I was reminded, by events,etc. that I can't afford that time. That makes me angry.

I hear of a a pair of friends, a couple who plan on taking a year off of any ministry for the first year of their marriage. Lol, bless their hearts (and bonus for telling me who usually says that and what she means by that)

I hope to get back on this journey, and not become bitter about not being able to. An easier option would be that I never journeyed there at all, but that is no longer an option. Neither is affording the time in this season of life to go there, though, as this weeks events reminded me. Maybe summer? Just found out I am eligible for sebaticle in 15 months, but probably can't take it for 26 months, bless my heart. Maybe then.

But I don't like to focus on the time I don't have. Rather I should try to focus what I do have, even more, I guess.

On a brighter note, this post seems to be very well proof-read other than one word I am not sure how to spell.

Have a good weekend!

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Childhood?

Last night, while finishing assembly of a new fort/slide/swing set for jake in the back ayrd (who knew it was a landscaping job, not just assembly), I heard someting from another yard, across the fence.

They were running aroudn with a cap gun, and tlaking out scripts i could recognize, like 'how oon can you ahve this tested in the lab'? and one of the kids was singing 'who are you, who who?' while they ran around.

Two questions..cna u figure out what hthey were playing?
and can you tell me what the equivilant would have been when we were kids?

good luck
Mike

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Hello again, old friend.

Sorry i missed our Easter Date. I would like to start blogging again. I think I will, but the time away gave me whole new perspectives. i ahve no clue what God is doing, or if it is he doing it, or i that is assumptions that pastors make, but life is really interesting and intense, more inside than out, but whatever.
It makes me value or cherish true authenticity even more, and i find myself asking about the place of blogging in all that, cause i know that there are limits to authenticity available on a blog, becasue of teh nature of, well, the WWW.

Anyways, this is cool, and it has it's palce, so Pastor Pepsi rides again.
So, my thought for the day, I hate leaders who can't apologize. You confront them on soemthing, they redirect it, or deflect it, or whatever. I am not even sure I am willing to call them leaders if that is the case. I know that sounds udgemental, but this blog only has use to me if i can type raw thoughts to, so there it is.

Have a nice day. lol, and dont forget to appologize when needed.
Mike
(interested to see how long before there are actual readers again, lol

The end of a Bad Relationship?

No, but I will sure make it sound that way.

I am going to take a break from blogging (or already have) for a bit. no, blogging is not bad, (it's not you, it's me), bu I am using Lent as a time to seek balance and answers and direction in my life, but I don't know how to do that any more, so I am trying diffeent things. This is not goodbye, just a break, lol. I did not 'lent' blogging, just trying to find how I should be relying on God, and people, and what the balance is there. I find myself in a cycle which ends in me disapointed in God or people, or people and God being disapointed in me. As I ponder what to blog, I often reflect on struggles that are still just as big as thefirst time I blogged about them, but do not want to blog again about them. Like I said, trying to learn where to lean and how to get through everything right now. I will be back, you don't have to wait for me, but i would love it if you did.

Let's set a date for Easter Sunday being our next time together. It still may be sooner than some of us will blog without 'the break', and I may give sponsors my password to post photos of body parts and how they await the next post, but until Easter, the Official Pastor Pepsi is blog free.

(this does not mean I won't share thing swith the friends who read my blog, just trying to find balalnce.)

Mike

What do you really think of me?

So, today I had my first physio in a long time, and it was good. Just the act of someone trying to help, and monitoring the situation, so I don't feel on my own in this was nice.

does anyone remember that great amchine I talked about once, called a CPM, that would keep ,my arm moving after surgery? Well, it is great, and the hospital has lost it. Very expensive equipment, and my physio says they can't locate it. Lol. She tryng very hard to find it before surgery (no rush, lol), but she is as surprised as me that they lost this big piece of medical equipment. Well, hope they find it if it is one of the things that will make the difference second time through. Bye.

Mike

More blast from the past stuff.

Last thursday, I met someone at the church during C and C who I went to my old church, FBC, with. We were good friends there, worked together on stuff, ministered together at camp, etc. So it was great to catch p with her until she informed me that my old camp director, Rob, had split up with his wife, and was now living in the city with his two boys, but not his wife. I would like to catch up with him, but have not talked in 3 years, because of busyness, etc. I don't want to seem like the only reason I want to talk is because of his 'tragedy.' Is that rude to call him now?

It is emensely discouraging for me to hear that my mentor,the guy who pulled me aside in grade 12, let me counsel, next year taught me to program direct and gave me the job, next year Jr. Staff co-prdinator, next year speaker, basically holding my hand till the day I arrived at Ebenezer, is now not with his wife. This months after finding out that Amanda's old pastor, the guy who married us, has had a moral failing and though they are together, have lots of problems as a result.

Anyways, that is the next blast from the past.

Mike

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Extra Strength?

So it has happened, my body has changed, I ahve become what I spent 9 years trying not to. I now must take two extra strength Tylenol to get back to sleep at night, after waking from neck pain. I have spent the better part of my life using drugs sparingly, so that when you need them, for real, they work, and work well right now. Children's tylenol used to make me drowsy, like ony 3 years ago, and one regular strength anything would take care of the problem and any sleep needs for a few hours.

I liked that because many people around me all through high school and beyond pop pills for every little headache, as uposed to stretching out the tension, changing lifestyle, or toughing it out. Many of those same people do not experience the same relief I used to from one of anything, even a sniff of nyquill from the cap.

Anyways, i am no doctor, but I have now joined what I call the pain killer arms race, where the pain doesn't get worse, but your body's response to the help does. At superstore, you can't even buy regular strength anything as far as pain killers go. The whole shelf was either extra strength, or now 'super strength'. Yay, let's turn it up another notch.

Wow, lots of things to blog about, but I will limit it nd add tomorrow.

Blasts from the pasts...(pasts is spelled as I intended it, no spelling error in my eyes)

So this morning, as I was in Canadian Tire, I ran into an old employee of my dad's from construction years ago. I guess technically he was my employee since everything was in my name, and he always called me boss.He was in his early 60's back then, probably later now, and had a great work ethic. He worked harder than all the young punks who would show up, work 3 days, and try to claim workers comp, at which my dad would inform WCB that the person could not ahve worked hard enough to get hurt in any way.

Lou (older gent) was great at letting me try new stuff. He taught me how to weld, how to drive the zoom boom fork lifts well, and many other skills that come up often in my current position. Not everyone around me took the time to show me stuff like Lou did. He taught me to work on cars a bit, and he 'restored' my first car, the 86' Capri to original Jalepinio (sp) red paint, and great looking body.

Thanks Lou, for all you taught me. He respected me as boss, and treated me like a friend, maybe even a son. I learned from his many years of experience, but never once heard him talk back to me regarding any instructions 'from the top'. We had a short conversation in passing, but his impact on me will continue for years, as I strive to do whatever job I am doing well.

YC Alberta...

I just finished registering 33 names for Youth Conference. They sell about 12000 seats of 16000 available in the first day. I fought to get in quickly once the web site openned registration, and was in in 12 minutes. Pretty good, and though many of my first choice seats were gone, we still got pretty good seats, I feel. it was so stressful, cause the seats you want disapear off the screen before you can click on them. It is like a video game.

I am confident I did the best we could, dedicating my whole morning to being ready to order online, but I still ahve this feeling inside that some kid will complain that we are not on the floor or lower level,etc, not understanding what those 12 minutes of fighting for spots was like.

Anyways, that's my post.
Mike
Happy to have YC tickets,

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A good fiend of mine bought me a shirt yesterday. Very thankful, think I will wear it this Sunday. Reading the tags, it says 'resists wrinkles', lol. Game on! Let's see it resist wrinkles under my care!

21 signature salute. that is what it took to finallize moving into Silverpring. Moving away from a community that controls you by condo act. Moving walking distance to work, witrh a great back yard for Jake. Yeah. soon, very soon. But my hand is sore from signing stuff. my brain is tired from trying to understand what I was signing. It felt like the 'shell game' magic trick, with my money under one of the shells, only there were more than 3 shells.

Anyways, going to see the new house.
Mike

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Had 15 minutes of just worship through song/guitar to start my day (no one else in office) and it was great. Have to do it again some time. Anyone else ever tried that at work? Honestly, though, i just felt better, starting with that than just jumping right in.

Mike

Expectations, clarifications, and affirmations.

Today, I met my new boss. Ever done that? I respect him, and agree with and appreciate all he had to say. Some was possitive, some was suggestions, some were suggestions with teeth.

With the help of a good friend I have invited to do so, and no feedback from the rest of the peanut gallery, I will meet these expectations. I will maintain my career, which is more a calling, but still a profession which I have worked very hard to be qualified to do. Maintaining these expectations, and suggestions with teeth, will cost, but I will pay the price. Hopefully it does not change me too much, but I will pay the price, I will maintain this career that God gave me, and I am called to.

Can someone please teach me to iron? Don't repy generally, tell me when, and I will be there with a note pad and apron.

Mike

Hi there. This last week, I understnad a bit more of scripture. Jessu talks about coming for the sick, or the sick needing a doctor. Well, as of recent, our youh ministry is seeing more 'sick' who need a doctor, those who know they need Jesus. It is an interesting contrast between them and those who have taken 'Jesus' for granted. I hear of one who has walked 2 hours to get to youth, in the winter, or church, and think to myself, how does this line up with those who would skip based on personal preferences, even though they have a ride, and support from their parents. Anyways, ...

Alright, blog 2 days in a row...!

So, had my back scanned by a polititian I disagree with severly. i did not go for a political discussion, just further assessment of why I hurt except when I take ibuprofen, and the hurt is getting worse again. He did this bakc scan thing, which was very cool. It measured differences in temperature from one side of the spine to the other (variation = inflamation) and also measured electrical nerve activitiy all down the back, and compared it to normal numbers. (extra electrical nerve activity means pain, and nerves that do not communicate freely and effectively. (wonder if we should get all our personal relationships scanned by same machine)

Though many would not agree with Jimmy's view of Native Affairs in Canada, his little scanny thing proved exactly the areas that kill me lots (i speak good) and the degree of agrivation in those areas. I actually want to post the images, except that it would be wierd to post personal medical information, but it is available to show if it arrises in discussion...lol. I think we should all go there and get our backs scanned and compare, like trading cards maybe?

Just another tool as the team of people who try to help me, well, try to help me.
Thankyou Mr. Pankiw (that rhymes!)

Mike

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Like a long lost friend...
I blog again: Robyn, do you want my password?

Well, two things to blog about, I will start with the small and unimportant. The deal, as of last night, on selling our house is officially closed, thus closing the deal on the new houe too. Now we are juggling possession dates and stuff, what is best for moving, vs. what the other parties will accept. If you are reading this blog, you are likely close enough a friend that you will be called on for that big day of moving, but for your services, I give you all first crack at the jetted tub.

Second..I will blog about tomorrow, thus seeming to blog more often. Buh bye

Voices in my head?

Not quite, but close. I can hear the distinct sound of my girly cell phone ring in my ears constantly. It is much different than when you have 'a song in your head', even one you don't want in your head. This, I am not thinking about, at all, but I can still physically hear it. I am sure it is related to my recent days like yesterday, where I had between 21 and 26 phone calls on my cell alone before 2 p.m. Those are all incoming calls. (verify this number with my friend Robyn who heard many of them during my meeting with her, where she probably thought I would pay attention to what she was saying at the meeting, silly assumption.)

Anyways, does anyone know if there is a scientific thing where the hairs that pick up sounds on your ear drum can continue resonating a particular sound that it has heard far too much? I guess what i am doing here is openning up discussion for you all: topic, my hairy ears.

oops, gtg, I think I hear my cell phone.

Mike

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Much better on Monday. I have got some great blisters that make it very hard to type right now, but symbolize playing 3 hours of slide blues guitar along with my hero, on CD, colin james. It felt great, I am sur that is the first time in a long time I have had that much 'Mike'time. I hope to do it again.

AS I blog, there is a sermon going on right now in my church. I am sure it is a great sermon, but I do not need teaching right now. I need God in a different way, but I am not sure exactly how it looks, who am I to define if, when, and how He meets me.

This weekend I went from Mike who is hurting and impatient with things, that include my arm, and other things to Mike who is angry with other things. Things include 3 students leaving youth group to hang out at someone's house during Bible Study and serving to help a family. Do i ignore it, forget it, get angry at it. Is our program and Bible Study not good enough, not engaging, or God focussed? Are our programs like involving students to be able to bless a family that needs help, or our other things like wheel chair basket ball, etc not unique enough, fun enough, meaningful enough? Am I not discipling these particular students so that they may even care about the 'group'. I must do something, because the attitude is actually spreading, and the one who used to leave, now brings with him 2 or 3. They can't say what it was like and why they left, becasue tehy left before all that stuff happened. And then, I yield the yoputh room during sunday school hour to the sr. high, because their normal leader is out for a few weekends. I want to make them comfortable, give them a menaingful Bible Study, make it worth their time, and then all the guys in teh group leave for Tim Horton's instead. coming back just before the end. I expressed my thoughts to those guys and the displeasure and distrust created by their action. I also told them that their actions will most certainly result in at least one nasty phone call from their parents, if not more. In a week where I wanted to dream about what Jr high retreat could be, I will instead be watching the phone, waiting to be yelled at, once again.

All of this is in the context of a time when I long to just cry out to God for help amidst struggles and failings of my own, between me and Him, but I can't, because the time is too costly, because I am too busy getting mad a those who are bad, trying to connect those who don't feel connected, cover areas that were not my responsibility, and think how I will find time to clean my office again and iron my shirts, as three people commented on that today(the shirts, I mean, the office is just a running joke I guess).

Responses could include delegating, discipling more, visioning more, I am not sure. I know it is foolish to focus on what I can do, and not God, but who am I to define if, when, and how He intervenes. ( I have learned that lesson the past 8 months)

If you have read this far, I am really sorry I ahve picked a bad year to start blogging, but I needed to say something, cause I don't know how to handle these things any more, and want advice, or a change. Sometimes I think maybe this surgery, if all does not go well during the procedure, could be a great time to change, but I don't want to think that. I want to dwell on the wonder of beign a part of two baptisms, and really life change, but I should clean my office an2d iron my shirts, control the thigs I can, and blog about the rest. Thanks for reading. Maybe now you can see a picture of the old Mike, pre-arm stuff, I think I could handle this stuff better. I should rely on God and not what I can do, but the service is wrapping up, adn people need me, for forms, instructions, encouragement, etc.

Mike

Well, bright side, I get a break from physio till next surgery, then break is over. Those are the words of my physio. I really hope she gets to be on case after second surgery, no one has remained as diligent and dedicated to this as her, and i really appreciate it. It is probably a nice break for her too, lol. Anyways, i think i will ahve a few more hours in my week now, that is exciting, but it won;'t impact my blogging patterns, don't worry.

Mike

Hi there, long time no blog... that has more to do with me than with you, so sorry.

So update on arm. Met with surgeon today, after sending him an e-mail basicl stating 'you ahve all teh info/reports/scans you will ever have, please let this be a meeting of action steps, not another useless consult. Well, action was taken. I am now on an urgent waiting list, lol, which could be right way, or up to 5 months. I have also put myself on call for cancellations, and could go on two hours notice any time after feb.18. I notified my employer today hat i will be taking no less than two weeks completelly off and more if needed, and that my post surgery healing and rehab would take not top but only priority in my life once it came time.

I pray every day about this, and ask that you would too, but kinda feel tha ti have had to push all this stuff through my self and make it happen without any help. I appreciate your support, and want God to work in this, but honestly don't 'feel' like He is really making anything supernatural, or even naturally reasonable (by Dr.'s definition) happen. That still frustrates me, and I hope this all is gone by summer so I can go on like I was before, I miss that Mike.

Thanks for reading.

Mike